


Standing on the Edge of Time and Space

by Freerangeegghead



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate History, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, BecauseLexadeservedmore, Clexa, F/F, Femslash, For Science!, Genetically Engineered Beings, Lexa Being Awesome, Parallel Universes, Physics, Science Fiction, Science Fiction Adventure, Science Fiction Romance, Women Being Awesome, awesomeness, badassery, hardcorescifi, odetoLexa, odetoscifi, scifiawesomeness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2019-07-28 14:15:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 64,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16243337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freerangeegghead/pseuds/Freerangeegghead
Summary: In which, a freak cosmic accident thrusts Clarke Griffin millions of light years away from home, into a parallel universe that's vastly different from her own, where a true love long dead and gone exists alive and well, a world where she can imagine a happier, better life. As she immerses herself in this world, Clarke realizes what she's lost and found and faces a decision: whether to go back to her old world or stay in this one with the only person she's always truly loved. Will she stay and finally choose love and happiness? Or will she leave it all behind again and go back to her own world? [A/U, F/F, hardcore pulpy sci-fi, romance, Clexa, occurs after season 5]





	1. Chapter 1

**_Summary_** :In which, millions of light years away from home, a freak cosmic accident thrusts Clarke Griffin into a world that's vastly different from her own, where a true love long dead and lost exists alive and well, a world where decisions and choices made in the past has created a better future, a future where she can imagine a happier, better life. Faced with this new world, Clarke must make a decision: whether to go back to her old world of pain and suffering or stay in this one and finally have the happy ending she's always dreamed of and hoped for with the only person she's always truly loved. Will she stay and finally choose love and happiness? Or will she leave it all behind, go back to her own and a people waiting for her lead them to the promised land? [A/U, F/F, hardcore pulpy sci-fi, romance, Clexa, occurs after season 5]

 ** _Pairing:_**  Clarke Griffin and Lexa

 ** _TV Show_** : The 100

 ** _Rating:_**  Rated T ~ M. Themes, no smut. Angst. Romance

 ** _Warnings/Spoilers_** : Femslash. Extremely A/U. OOC. Occurs after season 5, but AU, mentions of canon. Skip if this is not your thing.

 _ **Genres/**_ **Inspiration** : General, a little bit of everything. The Giver, Erewhon, 1984, Fahrenheit, Ayn Rand, Utopia, Defiance, Terra Nova, Star Gate, Star Trek, Handmaid's Tale, Last Man on Earth, Battlestar Galactica, Divergent, Hunger Games, Lost in Space, Dune, Valerian, Black Panther, Wall-E, 9, Ender's Game, A Wrinkle in Time, The Time Machine, Altered Carbon, Person of Interest, The Lobster, etc.

 ** _Disclaimer_** : Nothing owned, nothing gained, prose all author’s. ** _Give credit where credit is due though. (Please don't download and upload again and pass it off as your own.)_**

 ** _Author’s note:_**  Because the world needs more Clexa. And a lot of straight stories would actually be more fun if they were gayer. 

 

**Chapter 1**

Clarke's blue eyes open when the glass slides away from her.

At first she doesn't remember where she is. But then she looks around - a ship, quiet, hermetic, cold, steady hum of engine the only sound, she is lying on a pod, amidst a row of pods, sees other people sleeping - recognizes Octavia, Echo, Murphy, Emori...Madi, her heart skips a beat. Her child Madi. And then she remembers:she's in Eligius, the mining ship that Diyoza, McCreary and the rest of the murderous criminal crew had landed in on earth. And then instantly everything comes rushing back: Diyoza, Octavia, the war that almost happened, Madi and the Flame, Lexa... Her heart aches. Years after her death, Clarke still feels the pain as a dull ache, remembers her deep, sea green eyes. Her smile. Her face. Always her face.

She'd woken up from a dream of her. She had been with her, in her dream, walking along a field,fields of gold, sea of wheat and barley,  one hand running through the tips of the plants, the other hand holding on to Lexa's hand. The sky is warm, shining down on them as they walk through the fields. Lexa is smiling, happy, happier than she's ever seen her. She hears laughter and sees, in the distance, Madi, Aiden, running towards them. She sees herself running towards Madi, arms opened wide, sees Madi rush towards her, they meet in the middle of the fields, Clarke lifting her up and embracing her. She sees Lexa coming towards them, an arm around Aiden. Then she hears a warning sound, a beeping sound, and the sky darkens. They all look up at the sky and see missiles falling from the sky. As Clarke screams and gathers everyone around her, the missiles land, she sees a massive ball of fire.

And then she wakes up.

***

Clarke gets up, gets off her pod, looks around. She is still the only one awake. Barefoot, she feels the cold, steel floor, feels the cool, sterile air of the ship. The silence is eerie, lonely, reminds her of the time when she had thought she had been the only person on earth that survived Praimfaya. Flashes of her time alone, desperately searching for other signs of life go through her mind. She'd survived Praimfaya by sheer determination. It had been luck, serendipity or providence that she had found Madi, and with her she had been happy, living with a child she had come to call as her own. Those were happy days. In those days she actually could believe that she could be happy, that she could heal, that the loss of Lexa, of everything else would be as a distant dream, but Bloodreina, Diyoza, Gaia and other people's insistence on Madi being commander and taking the flame, hearing Lexa's name again uttered by Madi, had brought all the pain back and it felt as if six yeara had not gone by at all and she was in Lexa's chambers again, watching the woman she loved dying before her very eyes. She could not save her. Could not save any of them. When it comes down right to it, she _is_ the commander of death. And she bears the guilt of Lexa's death all the days of her life.

She wishes sometimes that she could turn back time. Or travel back in time.To make it all better. To give the world, the generation of children, better chance. But most of all, to save Lexa.

She wonders - would Lexa had died if she hadn't met Clarke? What would have happened if Lexa had lived? Would Wonkru have emerged? Would Bloodreina have been created? Would Madi have had to be commander? Would Diyoza and Octavia have come to a head and almost end the human race with a pointless civil war? Would McCreary have stayed alive long enough to launch the bombs that would destroy the world again? She sighs. Above all, Lexa stood for peace and hope and a better future. She had no doubt Lexa would have done anything she can to stop what Octavia and Diyoza started.

But that is all in the past now. She sees herself in the reflection on the mirror. She looks older, exhausted, her short hair now longer. She looks out the window, hoping to see the earth, but only sees stars and the vast expanse and emptiness of space.

She stops.

They were supposed to wait a few years until the earth has healed again before going back.

This doesn't seem like it's the same galaxy. She'd lived in the Ark long enough to recognize the planets, the stars,their own sun, to know this isn't the same space.

Monty.

Monty would know.

She goes to the control room. Is momentarily surprised that it is empty, realizes that everyone, including Monty, is asleep and that Eligius is running on autopilot.

She isn't the brilliant IT engineer that Raven is, but she searches the computers and finds the files that she is looking for: Monty's video logs of the trip. She takes a deep breath and hits enter.

***

Hours later, Clarke is standing infront of Monty's last video, tears in her eyes, the image, that of an old Monty, hair long and white, face aged and wrinkled, body bent and tired, frozen for her. She feels a deep sadness, a loss, at knowing Monty is gone. Monty had chosen to stay awake, had chosen to live a long uninterrupted life with Harper. As she watches each video, she recognizes something in the clips that she had experienced when she had been living alone with Madi. Outside being with Lexa, those years with Madi were the happiest of her life.

***

She is disturbed from her reverie by the ship suddenly shaking. She checks the monitors, sees that something is amiss:an asteroid belt, the ship hurtling towards it, hitting each rock with force. She is not an engineer - she is neither Raven or Monty. Whether she admits it or not, her abilities lie in her leadership skills, however debatable that is. She knows that had they survived the Ark, she would have eventually been chancellor like Pike or Jaha or her mom, making the hard decisions the others cannot make.

She looks at the monitor again, remembers what Monty had said. Jordan Jasper Green, Monty's and Harper's son, is supposed to have woken her and Bellamy up. Jordan though is nowhere to be found. As is Bellamy.

The loss and sadness she feels is not just because Monty and Harper are gone, but because the earth is gone as well - beyond repair, beyond hope, beyond redemption.

They did this: All of them. Destroyed the earth. And in the destruction, destroyed themselves.

Maybe Jasper and Monty were right. Humans did not deserve earth, deserved extinction. Humanity always acted against its self-interest, betrayed each other, hurt each other, destroyed each other. Earth had been humanity's second chance after the first Praimfaya but it had taken them little time to destroy it again.

But Monty finding a new planet for them to live on - the course set for the planet, a new planet that spelled all the hope and promise the old one could not give, is a testament to Monty's continued faith in humanity.

She peers at the screen and realizes something: she isn't supposed to wake up this early. In fact, she isn't supposed to wake up for at least a few more decades. Based on the coordinates set for the ship the new planet is still millions of light years away.

Monty had instructed his son Jordan to wake Clarke and Bellamy up when they were nearing the planet. It was his wish that his son wake Clarke and Bellamy up to explain why he'd chosen to stay awake, be with Harper and have a family. He didn't want them to feel betrayed or cheated. He wanted them to understand.

But Jordan is nowhere to be found. He is not in any of the pods, or in the control room, engineering, mess hall, medical, engine room or any of the hallways displayed on the security feeds. A quick physical inspection of the ship yield no signs of Jordan as well.

What happened to him? Clarke wonders. Suddenly the computer announces it has "detected a gravitational wave" some light years away from the ship pulling the ship towards it.

Another rumble and the ship shakes. Clarke braces herself for impact.

"What's going ?" a voice from behind, male, groggy from sleep, asks in confusion.

She turns and it is Bellamy, awake from cryosleep, equally as confused as she is. Another collision shakes the ship throwing Bellamy against the doorway.

"What is that?"

"I don't know..." Clarke responds, confused.

Meanwhile, the computer starts to warn them:  "Warning - Hull integrity at 80 percent, damage in engineering, medical, engine room, I..."

The ship shakes and Clarke says, "One minute everything was fine the next the computer tells me it's detected a massive gravitational wave..."

"Where's it coming from?"

"I don't know..."

"Can we avoid it?"

"I don't know..."

"Can we survive it?"

"We could do evasive maneuvers but not sure..."

Suddenly, another voice from behind, groggy, sleepy and small says, "Hey, Clarke. What's going on?"

Both Clarke and Bellamy turn and it Madi, newly awakened, looking at both of them in confusion, wonder and curiosity.

Clarke shakes her head, not knowing what to say as she motions for Madi to come closer.

The ship shakes again, monitors flickering off and on  and that's when they hit another asteroid belt.

Clarke checks the monitors then the screens: Something bright behind the asteroid belt,  the computer tells them it's a cosmic energy cloud and that the ship is already preparing to shield itself from it.

As the computer explains, a wave of light and energy suddenly surges through the ship, knocking Clarke,  Bellamy and Madi down.

They all see it then: light so blindingly bright they have to cover their eyes. The light shimmers, grows brighter, traps them and it's as if time stops. Electrical charges start shooting out from everywhere.

"Clarke...!" Madi screams in pain as the electrical surge hits the flame in her head. A bruise starts to form on Madi's neck.

Clarke manages to scream the deactivation code before whatever the AI is doing destroys Madi. Madi loses consciousness then.

Then everyone freezes,feels like all time and space freeze, then a rumble,  an explosion of light and sound and energy and it's as if the air in and around Clarke, Bellamy and Madi open up into an abyss, a last rumble and then it's as if the space folds in on itself and Clarke, Bellamy and Madi are gone.

 ***

Clarke doesn't know exactly what happened.

First she is talking to Bellamy and Madi, next she is looking at a cosmic energy cloud, electrical charges start shooting out from everywhere, the air shimmers and freezes, and she loses consciousness.

When she wakes up, she finds herself lying on sand, hot sun streaming down her back. She tastes the grit of the sand. Feels thirsty. Parched. Feels the sweat sliding down her temples. She looks around. Bellamy and Madi are lying unconscious on either side of her.

She is confused and wonders what's going on.

The ground beneath her shakes. Bellamy and Madi wake up.

A cloud of dust gathers. When it clears, she sees a buggy with people in them. The buggy stops infront of them.

One of them approaches. The person is clad in black, face obscured by a scarf. She sees what seems to be a sword. The  others, similarly clad, faces covered, follow.

Clarke slowly gets up, instinctively puts her hands up in the air. Bellamy and Madi follow up.

She watches the person approach, stop in front of her. When the person removes the covering on her face,Clarke's eyes widen.

It is Gustus one of Lexa's men. Behind him, following closely behind, is Indra.

"Is that...?" Bellamy begins.

"Gustus," Clarke completes the question for him.

"And Indra,"Madi says.

"I have a feeling we're not in Eligius anymore," Bellamy says. He looks up at the sky.

"Twin suns,"Clarke notes. "Don't think we're in the same galaxy anymore either."

***

Gustus and Indra do not speak. They instead offer them water or what passes for water on this planet.

When they begin to tie her, Bellamy and Madi up, Clarke tells them, "Don't resist. Just let them tie us up. We're going to be okay." To Indra, she says, "We come in peace. We mean you no harm. We..."

Indra cuts her off with a growl that surprises Clarke. There is no hint of recognition in his eyes. Gustus roughly pulls at Clarke and throws her, Bellamy and Madi at the back of the buggy.

They drive for what seems like hours over sand and rock and more sand across a vast empty space of sky and two suns.

Then Clarke is surprised when they slow down in front of an empty space. Gustus pushes a button and then they proceed through the desert and into a welcome arc and enter a city that is in stark contrast with the desert. The city is surrounded by a shield and is hidden from the rest of the world. It is unlike anything she has seen before. Buildings and stores and shops and people in various garb trading and buying and selling.

Before she could take in anymore of the sights, she is pulled roughly from the buggy, followed by Bellamy and Madi.

They enter a buildng and ascend the stairs. The stairs are long and winding and steep.

After what seems like a long time, they seem to have reached the top because Gustus and Indra stop in front of a door. Two guards are guarding the door with spears. They nod and open the doors for them. Gustus shoves Clarke, Bellamy and Madi in. Clarke almost stumbles.

She looks around. There is something oddly familiar about the bright windows, the candles, the carpet and the throne of branches and wood in front.

When both Gustus and Indra bow their heads and the person sitting on the throne stand up and look at them, Clarke's heart begins to pound. As the person slowly walks

down the steps and takes the few steps toward them, every step deliberate and elegant, Clarke can't help but feel like something familiar when the person approaches.

When the person comes up to her and Clarke sees sea green eyes, she swallows, eyes widening in disbelief.

"Lexa?"


	2. Chapter 2

Lexa gazes  out the window as she listens to Titus drone on and on about the importance of security and safety amidst the discovery of three strangers out by the sand dunes. Lexa is no longer listening. Standing there looking out of the floor to ceiling window, she is instead lost in taking in the view of the city below, now dissolving into the burnished hues of a twin purple and red sunset, past the city, the desert, the buttes, the dunes, the endless expanse of sand and rocks and grit and empty space.

Gazing out like this, Lexa is reminded again how much she loves Terra, this planet - for what it represented and despite what it represented.  There is a physical rawness to it, as when she feels the gust of wind blowing across her face right now. She loves the feeling of the wind on her face, the gorgeous lightning storms that thrilled her and terrified her when she was growing up and still thrill and terrify her until now, the torrent of sand that washes over you during a sandstorm, sandstorms that look like angry rain clouds, turning the place so dark in the afternoon light it feels like daylight would never come. Nothing escapes the hideousness of that sand. It creeps everywhere, underneath the floor, inside the walls, an endless army of sand and grit that covers, suffocates, pushes into lungs, blinds you. Like many Terrans, her first taste coming into this planet, was a mouthful of gritty sand. And like most Terrans, she carries that mouthful with her forever, rolling it in her tongue forever, never forgetting the dry grit of it. Even the language they speak, Trigedasleng, has a rough, gritty edge to it, reflecting as much about this planet as it does them, reflecting how much Terra has changed them. It reminds her and many Terrans what they had to do to survive and that they had a right to be proud for having survived it. She bears the burden of that, having been one of the youngest commanders ever called to command the Terran fleet, bearing the responsibility of protecting the last surviving members of humanity after it had escaped from Old Earth. It is a responsibility she does not take lightly, having been commander for a while now, but sometimes she grows weary of her advisers feeling like every stray they catch is a potential threat to humanity's survival.

This is a planet on the edge of the frontier, a mixture of the old south and wild west that she used to read in the old Earth books and the films in the archives - what few they could save from the old planet - old Clint Eastwood and Quentin Tarantino and Steven Spielberg and Joss Whedon ones, of cowboys and Indians and sand and heat and true grit. Much like Terra thus, Terrans are friendly but fierce, edged with violence, never pretentious and but sometimes naive, a planet where neighbor loves neighbor, where sandstone and brick houses stay unlocked - and people could eat a meal or cook one. It is also a planet where nobody should ever be told what to do, and in this everyone is aware that of all the people who hated being told what to do, Lexa is one of them.

Terra has the feel of lingering melancholy of many isolated planets, a place stuck in time, rooted in the sweet nostalgia - unsophisticated, raw, basic - of the last surviving members of humanity desperate for better days to come, reliving those days when they still had Earth, although most were born on this planet now and the ones who were born on Earth were too young to remember it or have already died. As the braids of red and purple twilight slowly descend on Terra,the place has a shimmering madness to it but there is something endearing, tender to it, too, like the scorned little child nobody wanted. There is a numbing vacantness to the surroundings  and whilst Lexa grows weary of it, Terra is still a planet built on strength, and while it is lonely, isolated, insulated, at the edge of a strange galaxy, Lexa would still not trade it for anything else. It was home. It _is_ home.  And she would do everything in her power to protect it and the Terrans that inhabit it.

A sadness washes over her, knowing as she does what is looming before her and all the Terrans on this planet.

Which is why when the intruders are brought in and she sees the blonde woman take one look at her, surprise and something else etched on her face, saying, in an uncertain voice her name, no one is more surprised than Lexa. She takes one look at the blonde prisoner herself and thinks her world and everything she stands for and believes in will be turned upside down.

***

" _Commander_ Lexa," the familiar,low voice of Indra, deliberate and menacing, corrects Clarke.

To Clarke, Lexa doesn't seem to mind. Or care. There is no flicker of recognition in Lexa's eyes though as she studies Clarke. Her eyes look indifferent, disinterested in her, seemed only interested in relation to Clarke as a security threat, maybe even mildly curious as to how Clarke would know her name.

Clarke's mind races trying to figure out what is going on. It's a different planet, with twin suns, and sand everywhere like in Polis and the area surrounding New Eden after the last Praimfaya, but some look familiar, like the city itself, the people, even the towering building. It looks a bit more advanced though, and the Grounders here seem to have embraced technology in a way that the old Grounders of Earth would never do. Have they inadvertently traveled back in time? Or have traveled to another dimension? Clarke is unsure. She's always thought these things to be the stuff of science fiction.

If this is time travel or an alternate universe, as she and her father used to talk about and thought implausible, had Lexa not met Clarke yet? Or did Clarke not exist in this timeline at all? The indication in Lexa's eyes seems like Clarke doesn't seem to exist in this dimension or timeline. A mixture of feelings - sadness, confusion, anxiety, dread - goes through Clarke. If Lexa is here, and some other people, namely Titus, are also here, would that mean she would have to relieve the same pain, heartbreak, grief and loss as she did when she had been in Old Earth? Would fate be that cruel and heartless? Why would she be forced to endure this again? Had she suffered enough the first time? 

As she thinks about these things, she could see Lexa had already assessed Clarke and dismissed her as not a threat and is humoring her overzealous, overenthusiastic people.

Clarke swallows. She feels disappointed that this Lexa - the Lexa that she has loved and cared for so much would be like this. It feels anti-climactic somehow.

Lexa looks exactly the same. But there is a small, thin, angry line of scar above her left eyebrow. Clarke could see a tattoo sticking out from the side of her neck. She is wearing a surprisingly clean, dark gray uniform, starched pants and a long-sleeved shirt, boots old but polished. She looks different somehow and yet the same. It takes her half a second to realize that it is because she is wearing an official military uniform, the left breast pocket and shoulders indicating her rank - stars and lines, different from those worn by Indra and Gustus. A thin royal blue cape runs in folds from the left shoulder of her uniform and is hooked through her waist, much like the red one she wore back on earth, hanging to just below her left thigh. There is a shoulder holster on her right side, a weapon securely in place. Knowing Lexa, she knows she probably has a knife or two and some other weapon hidden on her person. Looking at her now, Lexa still looks like she can kill someone twice or three times her size. She looks as ferocious as ever. Despite their new surroundings and the uncertainty of it all, it is not hard to see how and why Clarke fell in love with her in the first place.

Lexa looks more beautiful than ever - liquid eyes gazing at her, eyelashes long and curly, nose straight and high,high cheekbones rosy and red,  jawline strong and defined, lips soft and curvy. Clarke remembers those same lips kissing a soft trail on her skin. She remembers kissing those lips, those cheekbones, those eyelids, that nose, that jawline, that elegant neck. The memory of it makes her blush. She is curious about the tattoo and scar and imagines running a finger on them. The thought of it makes her blush even more.

Lexa seems to have noticed the change in her because there is a slight curious, amused look on her face, green eyes glinting.

Lexa speaks to Indra in a language that is at once both familiar and unfamiliar. Trigedasleng. She can recognize some words but not the others.

"They don't speak Trigedasleng like Echo and the others do,"Bellamy whispers. "I..."

"Silence!" Indra commands.

Bellamy stops.

Lexa only regards them, studies Clarke.

"What were you doing in the dunes?" Indra demands, shifting to English. "Are you spies?"

Clarke looks at her in confusion. So they can still speak in English. "We are not spies. We come in peace. We mean you no harm...We..."

"Who sent you?"

Clarke shakes her head. "No one. We..."

"How did you get here?"Indra asks. "Our systems would have detected you but you did not appear on our radar...where is your ship?"

Clarke hesitates, not knowing what to say. She could tell the truth, but knowing the Grounders, they might not believe it. She isn't sure she believes it herself.

She could lie but she doesn't know how she could pull that off with Lexa regarding her with her steely gaze as she is doing now. She's never been good at lying, not especially to Lexa. Even if this Lexa doesn't even recognize her.

"This is the second time an intruder has been arrested near our border," Indra informs.

Another person, someone Clarke hasn't noticed before, approaches from behind. Clarke's jaw drops. Titus.

"Titus?" Clarke whispers. The dread grows. She had witnessed Titus kill the only person she has loved. To see him now makes Clarke feel even more afraid and anxious, her heart beating even faster. 

Lexa hears her then, cocks her eyebrow in curiosity.

"They could be sending recon scouts," Titus says. "Troops could be on their way."

"We do not know that,"Gustus says. "We would have detected them through our satellites if they were here. If invasion is imminent it would have happened long before now."

"There is _always_ the threat of invasion,"Titus says.

"From whom?" Gustus asks. He looks at Clarke and the others. "These do not seem like agents. Sleeper or otherwise. No comms, no weapons, no marks of any kind. If they were doing recon or if they were agents, then whoever sent them are either brilliant or stupid. These aren't soldiers."

"Deception is the enemy's weapon," Titus intones, as if reciting from a book. "Commander, if we do not act now, it might well be too late."

An argument then ensues around everyone.

Lexa lifts a hand. Everyone stops speaking. It amazes Clarke how charismatic and powerful a presence Lexa is. She'd forgotten that about her. How whole villages, armies would get excited seeing her, seeing her as both their hope and salvation. She'd been everything to her people. And she'd been willing to give everything to them, to turn her back on happiness with Clarke to achieve peace. She'd remembered how people bowed, looked at her in awe. Even now, she herself can't help but feel that energy coming from Lexa, see it in Madi's eyes as she looks at Lexa in awe. It's the same look Madi had given Octavia before Octavia had revealed herself to be the opposite of the hero Clarke had painted her to be. Even now, with everyone surrounding Lexa - Gustus, Titus, Indra behind Lexa, her, Bellamy and Madi in front of her, they look like planets orbiting a  sun. Lexa is the sun. _Was_ her sun. She'd been the light of her life. Of everyone else's, whether they know it or not. That she had been partially responsible for extinguishing her light gives Clarke a twinge of guilt. She'd dreamed of a moment like this - wishing she could see Lexa one more time. Hold her one more time. Had her hands not been tied, and Lexa recognizes her, she'd have run to her and held her the moment she saw her.

She'd wanted to tell her so many things. Had wanted to tell her how much she loved her. How much she meant to her. How much she regretted waiting too long to tell her she loved her. Regretted not having kissed her earlier and much. Regretted choosing her people over Lexa, and thus choosing a life of unhappiness and turmoil rather than peace and contentment.  She'd seen her once, in the City of Light, but this was only the ghost of Lexa, only a part of her preserved in the flame. Standing infront of her now, she feels tongue-tied, overwhelmed, butterflies fluttering in her stomach, waiting to take flight at the sight of Lexa, noble and regal and elegant, after all these years.

"Convene the council," Lexa says, interrupting Clarke's thoughts. Lexa's gaze doesn't leave hers, steely and penetrating as ever. "I will hold a conference with them.I need to speak to the prime minister and the council."

Titus nods and withdraws.

"And what of the intruders?"Indra asks. "Shall we lock them up?"

Lexa is pauses, doesn't speak at first. Then she says, "Escort our _guests_ to their rooms." She smiles a small, grim smile. "I apologize," she addresses Clarke, ignoring Bellamy but giving Madi the same reassuring smile. "Until we find out what is going on, you will have to stay here under the custody of the city. You will be treated as guests and will find our hospitality more than adequate despite the circumstances. We shall send for you once everything is sorted. If you are who you say you are then you will be released as soon as possible."

If Indra, Titus and Gustus are surprised, they do not show it but do briefly glance at each other. Indra's eyebrow arch.

When nobody makes a move, Lexa glances at them. "You heard me."

Gustus takes out his comm and talks into it. A guard, whom Clarke recognizes as Lincoln, comes in.

***

"Lexa," Titus begins now after the prisoners are led outside.

Lexa already knows what Titus is going to say before he says it. Both Indra and Gustus step back, letting Lexa's adviser talk to her.

"These prisoners should be dealt with with the full strength of the law," Titus says now, voice firm and determined. "We cannot show any sign of weakness now."

Lexa looks at him sharply, irritated at him. He means well most of the time, she knows, they all swore an oath to serve and protect Terra and all Terrans but  Titus' single-minded determination to fulfill his duties at all costs exasperated Lexa.

"And they will be,"she says now, calmly, soothingly to her adviser. "Once we've proven their guilt."

"Lexa..."

"Everyone is innocent until proven guilty."

"Lexa..."

"I will not hear this again," Lexa says between gritted teeth. She looks Titus straight in the eye. "The intruders will be held until such time that their innocence is proven. In the meantime, they will not be harmed."

Titus seems to have been slapped by this. He takes a step back, bows his head and says, visibly chastened, "Forgive me, Commander. I meant no disrespect."

Lexa doesn't respond. She turns instead to Indra and Gustus. "Tighten security around the perimeter. Alert the forces. We are on red alert until this blows over. Where is Blake?"

Gustus clears her throat. "Lt. Blake is at the pits."

Lexa stops herself from cursing. "Get her and Reyes. I need to talk to them."

When Gustus and Titus leave, Lexa calls Indra to her. "You have to keep your second in line, Indra."

Indra nods. "I apologize Commander, but you know Octavia."

Lexa nods. Indeed she does. "Be that as it may, I want her sober and ready. Get Reyes. I want to talk her. How is the retrofit going?"

"Raven will be in a much better position to give you an update Commander,"Indra says.

"Are the preparations ready for The Gathering tonight?"Lexa asks.

"Yes, Heda,"Indra responds. "All the  results have been gathered, reviewed, scored, the candidates interviewed and their preferences taken note of. This is by far the smoothest one we've had so far."

"And The Guild?"

"They are as satisfied with the results as we are and are eager to meet the candidates," Indra responds.

Lexa nods. "Good."

"And Indra," Lexa says. "I want to talk to the prisoner. The woman. Alone. Have her moved to her own quarters. When she is ready, I'd like to talk to her."

"I can interrogate her Commander, there is no need for you to do that personally."

Lexa shakes her head. "I have no doubt you are more than capable of doing it, Indra,but I want to talk to her myself."

"Why, Commander?"

Lexa looks out of the window, at her beloved Terra. "I have questions that need answering. I am hoping she will be more forthcoming with only me as audience." Privately, she hopes the woman can provide some answers to some questions she has. As she looks out at Terra, she knows the fate, the very _survival_ of the Terrans, the very same people she has sworn to protect, depends on it.

***


	3. Chapter 3

 

Lexa stands in front of a massive floor to ceiling screen overlooking Terra. On the screen are the Ministers of the council, led by Prime Minister Abby Griffin. She has given them a briefing of the intruders caught on the borders of the city, and have assured them that all steps are being taken to ensure the safety of the Terrans.

She stands there in her impeccable dark, grey military uniform, ramrod straight, hands clasped behind her back, face as inscrutable as the face of this planet, as she patiently listens to the Prime Minister and the other members of the council argue about the running of the Republic. She resists the urge to roll her eyes. Civilians. Worse. Civilians who are politicians. Elected by the majority. Price of democracy and a republic. She is as schooled in Greek philosophy as much as the next person but sometimes dealing with civilians, especially politicians,  is an exercise in patience and self-control. She is glad that she isn't one of them. Lexa would rather go off and shoot things with her pistol.  She knows she shouldn't enjoy gun and pistol but ever since she started training at a very young age, she'd discovered how much she enjoyed it, with a slight guilty, almost sensual pleasure, the feel of the metal in her hand, the satisfying balance of weapons, the thrill of knowing she held the power of life and death in her small hands. Indra had reminded her a true soldier, warrior, never delights in taking life and whilst she understands this, this side of her life always held a certain fascination to her.

She stares at Abby Griffin, blonde hair faded to the drab color of dried straw, and eyes that gazed over at everything with an expression of puzzled sadness. She notices how dilated Abby's pupils are and takes note to talk to her about it. Ever since the death of her child during The Plague Abby had been driven to succeed - to prevent the same deaths from happening among the other Redbloods. They'd lost so many that year, Lexa remembers. So many young children lost to a mysterious plague. She'd known some of them, or known someone who knew them - John Murphy, Finn Collins, Wells Jaha, Bellamy Blake. They'd called them "The Hundred" and each year honored their deaths. It had been nobody's fault, Lexa knows, although that didn't seem to stop people from blaming themselves, of bearing the guilt of having survived when so many of the others had not. Some had blamed it on science, on technology, on this world, on the never ending rations of algae and local food. The bolder ones had brought in the old, unoriginal one: the children's illness and subsequent deaths a punishment for disobedience, for defying the old gods of the old world and that repentance would bring them back. A few had listened. But the children died anyway.

That time, seeing so many people her age dying so young had been a lesson in realizing that the world of the dying is a world of strangeness, of waiting to die. The dying children had lain and responded when spoken to, but in spirit they had already moved away and no one could enter their world anymore. When, one by one, the children had relinquished their hold on life, it was as if a stillness had settled on Terra. The city had been absolutely silent. Then one by one she heard them. The screams.  The sound had been horrible, the scream of the tortured, the bereaved, a terrifying, high pitched wailing, inhuman and yet all too human and unstoppable. Abby had been one of those women Lexa knew, tear-streaked face thrown back to the heavens, the screams showing her agony, grief, anger. Lexa's army had to be deployed in the city to control its citizens, prevent the crisis from descending into anarchy and chaos.

"The dead and dying are gone, Lexa, the living are hungry," Anya, her mentor had told her. "The living need you. There is no time to mourn the dead. We'll mourn them all when we're done with all this."

She knows Raven Reyes, Octavia Blake, Monty, Harper, all bear it and have found ways to cope with it. Some more destructive than others. People like Abby, Raven, Monty have thrown themselves on their work, focusing so much on the job that they hope it makes up for being spared. Others, like Octavia, throw themselves onto ever more destructive ways of coping.

She couldn't help but feel that maybe Abby resents her and the other Nightbloods for surviving. Lexa has always been a survivor, stronger, faster, smarter than most. She is built to survive diseases, radiation, even, as some of the others joke, an apocalypse. It's a particular quirk of the Nightbloods and why they are vital for the survival of the human race. It is a shame then that with their particular gifts come a curse that is not shared by Redbloods. Though Abby and her team of scientists have been searching for a cure, and though some Nightbloods seem to have overcome the curse, it still afflicts the Nightbloods. The  offspring of Nightbloods afflicted with the curse do not seem to last as long as the Redbloods. Lexa dismisses it as the genes asserting their atavistic tendencies but Abby, Titus and the others are, of course, concerned. The near constant threat of extinction for both Redbloods and Nightbloods has united all of humanity living on this planet. A long time ago they had realized that if they did not unite then eventually the human race would go extinct. Lexa would never voice out her opinions on extinction like the others but she does not fear it as they do. She's always thought extinction an abstract concept and if indeed it is humanity's destiny to be extinct then so be it. This is not fatalism, Lexa believes. Unlike the others who seem bent on resisting nature, she has a more pragmatic, more realistic view: acceptance of humanity's fate, whatever it may be.

Then as she stares at Abby Lexa suddenly realizes something.

***

Abby looks at Lexa, unnerved for the nth time by this woman who deceptively looks young but seems like an old soul. For a moment Abby feels old. She has been Prime Minister for years and it shows on the skin stretched tightly over the strong bones jutting out of her face, the lines, the exhausted, sunken eyes, whereas Lexa looks as if she is virtually unchanged. Another perk of being a Nightblood, she thinks. They do not age as Redbloods do, their genes slowing down the ageing process so as to be able to function more efficiently than Redbloods. That’s why Nightbloods are commanders, leaders, government officials – they were placed in positions where they can continue whatever projects the previous leaders have made so that the legacy not only of those leaders but of the entire human race could live on.

She has made the mistake of dismissing Lexa as a child when she had been plucked out of her group to be trained as the next commander. At that time, she had just lost her child and she’d looked at this child, young, pretty, _alive_ , and felt the bile of resentment form: How could this child have been spared when her own child had been taken from her? This is a question that has gone unanswered for years.

Most of the Nightbloods start out young, going through a rigid selection process that includes physical exams, mental exams, IQ tests, and a whole battery of tests administered by a carefully selected team of civilian and military experts to ensure their suitability, endurance, stability, efficiency and effectivity. Whilst most of the other young people – the Redbloods - dedicate at least two years of their lives to military service as is required by law, when they turn eighteen,  Nightbloods have had no such luxury, selected and trained at a younger age as they are. Lexa at eleven had been the most promising. At the military academy, Lexa had excelled at mathematics, languages, philosophy, history, even, surprisingly the arts, showing a strange appreciation for the ancient art forms of Old Earth that she had not seen in the young ones, Nightblood or not. Lexa excelled most at her physical trainings though and as the trainings became more advanced, Lexa passing each difficult test with an ease denied her peers, she gradually showed a brilliance not just at the standard subjects, but at military strategy. During the so-called “War Games”, a series of simulation games that pitted the young military trainees against each other in a massive zero g dome where the children formed teams and tried to get behind enemy territory unharmed, Lexa had proven to be brilliant at strategizing. When the simulations had moved up to space Lexa had proven adept at commanding entire simulation space fleets. Everyone - most of the military officials - had been excited with her. She was clearly a military prodigy in the making. Most Nightbloods are faster, stronger, smarter, of course, bodies like machines, hearts like those of an ox, the miracle of old earth genetics writ large. Everyone agreed though that Lexa was special. _Is_ special.  A brilliant genius. Abby had been afraid though. Because if she was, then what kind of eventual monster were they unleashing in the world? In the universe? Lexa and the other Nightbloods had been treated as gods, for they bore all the hopes and dreams of peace Terrans could ever wish for, Lexa more than the others, but she'd read somewhere, in an ancient book - that if a society treats its children as gods, then they shouldn't be surprised if they grow up to be monsters. Earth’s history had already proven that genius could turn into brilliance or madness.  Or both. Lexa could be one either way if they weren't, _aren't_ careful.

Lexa is thankfully pragmatic though and wants to keep the peace as much as Abby and the other ministers do. And though Abby would prefer the armed forces, the fleet and their Ministry of Civil Defense were not in the hands of this girl - looking as inscrutable as the buddhas of ancient lore, and equally as cold and calculating, as all Nightblood Commanders are trained to do - Abby is glad this young woman is on their side and not on the side of any unseen enemy. Lexa could control the fleet, the armies, with mere charisma alone, buoyed by generations of mythology and mystery wrapped around the Nightbloods and Commanders. But more than that, she had the cunning and the knowledge to lead, with a combination of detached efficiency, masterful determination and an understanding of her fleet’s individual needs. She knew how to talk to them, knew how to rile them up, knew how to pacify them. Even her own leaders, Anya, Octavia, Indra, Gustus, believed and followed her with a fierce loyalty and devotion quite unlike anything she's never seen before. Had Lexa been interested in politics she would have been prime minister now in Abby's stead, easily the youngest who would win the election by a landslide. Lexa had never shown interest in being a politician though. Perhaps her mind could be changed still when she is older.

Which is why Abby, more than the others, is alarmed by the sudden appearance of this stranger, especially this woman. Reading the files, looking at the photos and videos, Abby had a sense of foreboding. Abby is not particularly religious but she is aware of the prophecy among the people - about the coming of strangers that will change the destiny of the Terrans. She finds it ridiculous that Terrans still believe in the old Earth relics such as religions and prophecies. Some even have a name for this prophecy - "The Wanheda Prophecies", a ridiculous term she knows, afterall, Lexa and the other commanders have been affectionately called "Heda" for generations. While they have a functioning government like the one in the Old World, a young democracy still struggling, Lexa is pretty much royalty, much like the queens of Ancient Earth, royal and elegant and brilliant. If her authority were to be challenged, the very stability of Terra would be called into question.

She does not particularly relish the political and ecclesiastical disputes, the implications, the confusion the arrival of these strangers will engender. She believes in their government, in democracy, in freedom, in her people, in Lexa. She would fight to keep their way of life intact.

***

When their conversation ends and each one of the ministers unceremoniously sign out, Abby remains online, waiting. When she is sure all the other ministers have left, she clears her throat then and says, "How bad is it?"

This Abby is no longer the Prime Minister but just a person, a regular citizen asking Lexa for the truth.

Lexa doesn't blink. "I do not think the council has to worry. This woman and her companions are no threat to Terran security."

"And the prophecy?"

For a moment Abby sees the girl Lexa could have been, unencumbered with responsibility or the burden of protecting hundreds of souls, as she rolls her eyes in a petulant, exasperated way. "I have no need of prophecy."

"Lexa, you know how some Terrans believe in these things. They believe in dreams and symbols and rituals and reincarnation and... _saviors_."

Lexa simply looks at her. "I will not let a prophecy dictate our agenda..."

Abby is silent for a while before she says, "Does Titus know?"

Lexa nods. "I am sure he does. That is why he wanted the intruders dealt with. With the full strength of Terran law."

"Titus is right."

Lexa is already shaking her head. "They are _innocent_. I will not take innocent lives. That is not why I am Commander."

"No, as Commander you are supposed to serve and protect us,"Abby counters.

"As is also your mandate,"Lexa replies evenly.

Abby sighs, not knowing what else to say. Finally, she settles on, "You will be at The Gathering tonight?"

"Of course."

Abby nods. "I have to go. Duty awaits."

"Abby," Lexa says then.

Abby stops, waits. Lexa hesitates. She can see Lexa wants to say something else but is debating how to broach the subject. While they have maintained a professional relationship since Lexa had become commander there have been times when they had broken protocol and had discussed matters not as the Prime Minister and Commander but simply as Abby and Lexa. Had it been different circumstances, Abby would have wanted a daughter like Lexa. The word brings a twinge of pain in Abby's gut.

"How are your headaches?"

Abby is surprised.

Lexa gives her a half-smile. "Nylah has mentioned you've been having headaches."

Abby smiles back, strangely touched by the concern of the younger woman. She remembers Clarke. Feels an ache. Feels the emptiness of a child lost. Feels the tears threaten to well up in her eyes. "I am fine, Lexa. Thank you."

"Are you certain?" Lexa asks.

Abby nods. There is a lump in her throat. It had been so long ago now but her daughter Clarke had been the opposite of Lexa. Clarke had none of Lexa's control and had all the nervous, excited energy of an eleven year old. Then again Clarke had been a Redblood and was not subject to the same rules as the Nightbloods. Lexa, Commander of the Fleet and the appointed Minister of Defense, had been born and trained a leader. Her concern, delivered in such a stiff,  formal  and awkward manner would be so comical were it not a reminder that a young woman who has barely even seen thirty summers is subtly reminding the Prime Minister of her duty to maintain good health.

She'd taken the medicine to dull the pain. She had been careful not to take more than Nylah had prescribed. Abby is aware she is always tittering on the edge and if she loses control she knows she will shatter and the people will suffer. It would be a disgrace and a bad example for Lexa and the younger leaders.

Lexa is about to ask something more and she looks unconvinced of Abby's answer but she decides not to ask.

Abby thus takes the opportunity to tell her, "The Ministry is asking about your decision again..."

She could see the subtle irritation flash in Lexa's eyes.

"I have already told them my answer..."

"Lexa..."

Lexa is shaking her head. "No."

Abby sighs in frustration.

"I am Commander," Lexa says between gritted teeth, "I do not wish to be part of this."

Abby knows of course that Lexa can assert that but the Ministry sometimes can be persistent. Abby is glad that she is no longer young. So she is at least saved from the regular time-consuming, humiliating re-examinations to which all women of child-bearing age are subjected.

Abby is almost reluctant to bring up the next subject. "...And Roan...?"

Lexa's eyes flash. "No."

***

Later, when Clarke is brought in, Lexa looks at her for a few seconds and then asks, "What is your name?"

Clarke is surprised that Lexa skips the pleasantries. But Lexa has never been one for those. "Clarke Griffin."

Lexa nods. She watches her, as if weighing her next words.  "You are not from around here are you?" She cocks her head a bit. "In fact, I do not believe you are from this time at all..."

***

Clarke looks at Lexa, debating whether to deny it or not. Somehow she cannot get used to seeing Lexa the woman she had loved so much in her old world standing here in her military uniform. There is something still unsettling about seeing her in a different environment. And yet something achingly familiar. The room isn't as harshly lit as some of the others and in this light Lexa's face gleams with a gentle, almost ethereal light. Her wavy, long hair, dark and luscious, a rich, thick brown, had been brushed back to one side of her shoulder. There had been no bindi on her high, smooth forehead, strong, straight brows slightly knit in concentration, green eyes steely and serious, her beautifully shaped lips set in a grim line.  Her skin is light, honey-colored, seemingly glowing in this light, the tattoos concealed by her sleeves, lines snaking out of her collar to crawl up the right side of her neck. She looks beautiful. Had Clarke been a better artist and had this Lexa allowed it, she would have liked to paint her now. She still had the sketch of her Lexa from the other world. She had been searched by Lincoln before he had led her to her quarters. He had seen the paper, carefully and curiously unfolded it, seen the sketch, of Lexa sleeping, the only sketch she's ever had of her. It is torn and old and creased, edges frayed, almost falling apart. But it had been her only memento and she had kept it with her at all times. Lincoln had looked at her then, curious and confused and she had said, pleading, "Please. I would like to keep this." Lincoln had expressionlessly kept the sketch in the front pocket of his military shirt.

Studying Lexa's face now, at the certainty there, Clarke knows it is useless to lie.

"How...how did you know?"

Lexa says, "Alie, satellite feeds, quadrant 1:21." The windows turn to satellite pictures of empty, undulating sand dunes and twin suns.

"These are our satellite feeds from before you came,"Lexa calmly explains.

Then there's a shimmer in the atmosphere and suddenly three people - Bellamy, Clarke and Madi appear on the same sand dunes where before it had been empty. Clarke's eyes widen. Where before she had only suspected they had accidentally stumbled into this planet via some cosmic energy, now there is visual confirmation. She couldn't even fathom how the AI here seems to function in conjunction with human society. She grows ever suspicious, wonders what is going to happen.

"Alie, show me satellite feeds from space for 1600 hours," Lexa says.

Alie complies and at first the satellite feeds only show stars and the twin suns but then a slight disturbance, the suns flaring, barely perceptible to the naked eye, and then what seems to be a wave suddenly rolls out from the out of nowhere.

"Solar flares, a cosmic wave," Lexa informs her. "I am told this might be the reason for your...temporal displacement.Satellite feeds also indicate a disturbance - anomalies - in and around the area where you were spotted. The satellites have been recording unusual anomalies as of late, cosmic waves radiating from space. Raven thinks it is the solar waves..."

"Your male... _companion_ , registered a higher level of radiation than is normal. No one from Terra has those radiation levels. The last time someone registered that high a level of radiation had been on old Earth,” Lexa continues. “You and the child also seem to have black blood.  I assume thus that you might be nightbloods, in which case you then might not be the enemies my people think you are."

Lexa seems to know more than she does and is calmer than she is right now. Chills are running down her spine, beads of sweat forming on her brow. So they _had_ travelled to another dimension. One in which Lexa is alive. Clarke doesn't know what cruel joke the cosmos is playing on her but each time she looks at Lexa she feels a long closed wound opening up, painful and excruciating and it takes great effort not to sit and cry - for the Lexa that she has lost, this Lexa that she has found and all the hurt and pain and agony and grief of the past years.

She closes her eyes, tries to stop the tears from falling, tries to quell the panic rising from her chest, the heavy pounding of her heart. No, she can't be here. She can't _be_ here. She doesn't know how parallel universes work and she's never paid attention to any of her advanced physics classes but this isn't something that she wants. She wants to go back. She doesn't want to go through the pain of losing Lexa again. She doesn't think she'll be able to survive it this time. She takes a deep, trembling breath.

"Is there any way we can get back?" she asks now.

"I have asked Raven to look into it. We shall let you know if something comes up," Lexa says. She pauses. Studies Clarke. The silence stretches.

"Where is Madi?" Clarke asks now.

"You speak of the child," Lexa says matter-of-factly. "Your daughter."

"She's not..."Clarke begins, conflicting emotions on her face. "She's adopted."

Lexa nods. "She is safe. Alie show our guest the child." The screen flickers to reveal Madi in a simple, white and gray room with a comfortable bed, table and chairs. Food is laid on the table. Madi is sitting on the bed, hands on her knees, looking around. "The child is safe."

"And Bellamy?" Clarke asks, concern in her blue eyes.

"Your husband?"

Clarke automatically shakes her head. "No, he's my friend."

Lexa nods, face expressionless. "He is taken care of." She looks at the screen. "Alie, show our other guest." The screen flickers to life and Bellamy's bearded face can be seen on the camera, restless eyes wondering, looking for a way out.

"No harm will come to them," Lexa assures her.

Clarke looks at her, doubt in her eyes, but she reluctantly nods, still unconvinced.

"Earlier today you acted as if you knew me," Lexa begins slowly. "Despite the fact that I had only seen you today, you looked at me as if..." Here she hesitates before she says, "You have known me a long time..."

Her face is still inscrutable, but her eyes are mildly curious. Clarke thinks quickly, wonders how much she can tell this Lexa without influencing her or her feelings towards her. She bites her lower lip.

"Yes," she finally admits. "I did." She realizes her slip and quickly corrects herself. "I _do_."

Lexa is quick to note the mistake but decides to let it go. "And in this...other universe, I am guessing we were...more than acquaintances..."

Clarke slowly nods. "I...we worked together."

Lexa nods. She takes out a piece of folded, crumpled paper, and says, softly, "I believe this is yours."

Clarke already knows before she opens it that it is her sketch of her Lexa from her time. She blushes a bright red as deep, sea green eyes gaze at her, as if waiting for a reaction or a response.

Clarke does not know what to say, feeling the lump forming in her throat, so she settles for a whispered, broken "Thank you" as she carefully folds the sketch and puts it safely back in her pocket. Her face reddens a bit more, face burning when she realizes Lexa is watching her every move. She looks her in the eye and finds that though this Lexa does not look at her with the affection her Lexa from her time did there is sympathy in her green eyes. And understanding. Embarrassed she may be but she is spared the humiliation of having her feelings made known to a version of the woman she had loved and lost in her old world. This Lexa knows that whatever relationship she may have had with the Lexa from her old world she knows it is at least platonic and as the sketch shows, intimate.

Lexa prudently changes the subject. "And this other world, where I also existed, what is the world like?"

"It is..."Clarke searches for the word, "Vastly different from this one."

"How so?"

"For one, the Earth was gone. We were on a ship," Clarke explains. "Travelling millions of light years away to a planet similar to this one..."

"You were travelling away from Old Earth?"

"Yes," Clarke answers.

"So it is not so much different from ours. Our Earth was destroyed hundreds of years ago, rendered uninhabitable by the Forever War..."

"The Forever War?"

Lexa nods. She gives instructions to Alie and images from the 20th and 21st Century popped up. "After winning the second war, the mad dictator had taken over the country formerly known as the United States. His forces and those of the League of Nations had divided the country. A Resistance against the dictator had formed, in what was formerly North America, Europe and Asia. But the dictator had the most brilliant minds working for him and the Forever War was born. With ever more advanced technology - the internet, cloud computing, artificial intelligence, biological weapons, smarter weapons, he could wage war whenever and wherever he wanted." Lexa pauses as she lets Clarke take it in, black and white photos of the twentieth century wars, the first and the second, the dictator, small and passionate with the recognizable moustache and the hair, the swastika flags, the armies, huge armies all marching with precision, the camps with the the men and women in the same black and white suits, naked lifeless bodies being thrown in a mass grave, a laboratory where scientists in white coats would test human subjects, young and old, and grainy videos of men and women, civilians and soldiers alike being shot or killed.

Clarke feels faint, nauseated. "I think I'm going to be sick..." She whispers. Her knees feel rubbery.

A large grainy video of an atomic bomb being dropped somewhere, then a massive mushroom cloud of explosion surprises Clarke. Another one dropped somewhere else.

"Praimfaya,"Lexa says softly. "The human race almost never survived. The earth certainly couldn't...as the dictator grew increasingly insane, he grew increasingly paranoid, declaring wars where he could while he and the rest of the world leaders ignored more pressing concerns - drought, famine, hunger, food shortage, extinction. We couldn't go on like we did. Finally a secret project was launched by the Resistance - the Noah's Ark, a select group of individuals sent to outer space to search for a better place, a better world. There were twelve other ships. We were the thirteenth one. We hadn't heard from the others in generations but we had been lucky enough to find this one inhabitable planet. We are descendants of the members of the Resistance."

"How bad was it? The dictator's regime?"

Lexa looks at the pictures. "I can only tell you what the last Flamekeeper passed down to me - that the mad dictator had almost decimated the population in his mad quest for the perfect race. That he had eliminated entire races. Gassed them, executed them, experimented on them...anyone who did not conform was arrested and executed...they called it 'The Final Solution'."

"Is Titus the Flamekeeper?" Clarke asks.

Lexa is surprised by the question, as if the answer to this should be obvious. "I am." When Clarke doesn't react to that, Lexa explains, " Most Nightbloods are trained to be flamekeepers but not all eventually become flamekeepers. The Flamekeeper is responsible for keeping the flame of ancient knowledge alive. Our history. History has always been important for us Terrans. History interprets the past to understand the present and confront the future. "

Clarke nods.

Clarke looks around the room now. The room itself looks very minimal, a table, couch, chairs, a large floor to ceiling window, a flower in a vase, a shelf of books to one side, a medium-sized painting mounted on the wall and music - she hadn't heard music in so long - playing softly in the room. On the table she could see a leatherbound book. She remembers Lexa loved, loves her books. It is somehow comforting that this Lexa also likes books.

Lexa tries to look at the room the way Clarke is seeing it. These are her semi-private quarters, her bedroom just off to the side and hidden discreetly.

Anyone would have little difficulty describing the room's owner. Obviously a reader – one wall lined with painstakingly salvaged and preserved Old Earth books - actual books and not the electronic, hologram or simulation books available at the Archives. They are another luxury, something she has been allowed as she has not made ridiculous requests as previous commanders or ministers have. The books indicate her fascination with nineteenth and twentieth century literature - poetry, novels, autobiographies, religious texts, philosophy, art. Not only books but electronic collections of abstract expressionist and impressionist art. Her collections proclaim this minor fascination with Old Earth. It is the room, too, of a woman who likes simplicity and comfort and lives alone. There are no family photographs, no disarray, no dust, no clutter. Nothing inherited or given, most acquired. The others, Titus amongst them, had called it the comfort of culture. To escape temporarily into a more agreeable and permanent world that has already disappeared. She disagrees of course. She likes these things simply because she does. As a child she had been deprived of them, having started out at the military academy so young - with its bare walls, bare rooms, bare cafeterias, bare classrooms, and hallways, everything always too drab and gray and white, meals always tasteless and unidentifiable, its strict schedules, its rigid discipline - everything devoid, it would be later explained to her - of any visual or other sensory stimuli that would otherwise distract its students. In the academy she had to share a cramped room with ten bunk beds with nine other students. She was not allowed any possessions, not allowed any luxuries. Everything was always about studying, exercises, trainings. After she graduated and was chosen as Commander, she had discovered she not only had her own private quarters, but that she now had access to all the Archives of Old Earth. That first year she had poured through the Archives - every video, every file, every book, every picture, everything and anything she could find. Some were to not her liking, others more so but then she discovered the music and the literature and the art and she had been fascinated. She could not understand, until now, how the same whole race that could spend thousands of years trying to annihilate each other and do unspeakable, horrifying acts to each other is the same race that can produce these beautiful works of art. It fascinated her. Continues to fascinate her. It had perplexed and puzzled her and no one - not Titus, not Indra, certainly not Abby or Anya could answer her question. The works of Old Earth - these were works that fused past and present in beauty. When they had asked why she liked these works, these _artifacts_ , of a bygone era forever lost to them, at first Lexa hadn't known what to answer but she'd known as she grew older why. To feel. To feel, feel, _feel_. Even if what she feels is the vast shapelessness of existence.

"Johann Sebastian Bach," Lexa says now. "Third Orchestral Suite in D minor, 2nd movement."

When Clarke just looks at her, not understanding, Lexa gestures all around. "The music. It is one of my favorites. I would change it if it displeases you."

Clarke shakes her head and turns her attention to the painting, absently running a hand on the book by the table.

"Jackson Pollock,"Lexa says now, a quiet pride in her voice. "One of the few we saved from Old Earth. And that book is a collection of poetry. Burns, Wordworth, Longfellow, Byron..."

When Clarke does not register any recognition, Lexa says, "It is a ridiculous indulgence as Titus and Indra keep reminding me. But what is life without art? Surely there should be more to life than just living day by day, surviving."

Clarke pales, looks like she has been struck by that.

She looks up and says, "Alie, Pachelbel's Canon in D." As the first strains of the piece play she looks at Clarke then and gives her a small smile. "Sometimes we need to be reminded why we live in the first place."

Clarke does not know how to respond to that either.

"I'm sorry, Clarke...I have made you uncomfortable," Lexa says. "But I feel like I know you or should know or recognize you...like an old friend...does that seem strange? I've only met you now but I feel like we have known each other longer..."

Clarke stares at her. Swallows. "I..." She tries to swallow the lump in her throat, looks up at the ceiling to stop the tears from welling up.

Lexa approaches her. "I have upset you..."

Clarke shakes her head. "No, you haven't," Clarke says softly, voice breaking. "I'm...you reminded me of her...my Le..." She stops, corrects herself. "The Lexa from my time."

Lexa looks at her for a moment before she ventures a statement. "You lost her. In your time."

Clarke looks up at her and the look in her eyes confirms it for Lexa. Clarke looks away unable to say anything else.

They both stand in silence not knowing what else to say, both quietly lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Clarke asks the question she had been wanting to ask since she arrived.

"The Clarke...the Clarke of this time, why have I not seen her yet?"

Lexa looks at her then. "She perished during The Plague. When she was eleven..."

Clarke tries to ignore the churling in her stomach, the fear crawling up her spine. She tries to swallow the fear and tries to speak even as her voice breaks. "And...and my mom... Abby. Abby Griffin...is...is she here?"

Lexa slowly nods. That was how she had figured out Clarke had been from another time. There is a resemblance between Clarke and Abby that she hadn't noticed until the meeting.

***

Looking at Clarke now, she realizes that her very presence upsets Clarke. She does not know what her relationship might have been with the Lexa from her own timeline but it is making her ever more curious. What kind of relationship had the Other Lexa cultivated with this woman to inspire the kind of unfamiliar, unsettling, deeply intense looks Clarke is giving her now? Certainly no one looks at her the way this woman is looking at her now. In some ways it makes Lexa wonder. Much of Old Earth classical literature had been devoted to just the way in which Clarke's gaze falls on her: A mixture of longing and pain and, dare she say it? Love. She'd always wondered about love. Lectures about emotions were never done in the academy. Love in particular was thought of as frivilous, superficial, unnecessary. So this is how this is how it must be - to be at the receiving end of such an emotion. Even if such an emotion is not really meant for her but for the other version of Lexa this woman seems to have clearly fallen for.

This part of the sciences has held a particular fascination and confusion for Lexa and though she does not pretend to understand she _does_ feel compelled   somehow, for some strange reason, to put this woman at ease, to soothe the rolling storm of pain in the ocean of her blue eyes.

She looks at those eyes now and tells her, gently, "Come, join me for dinner. Tell me more about this Other Earth." When Clarke looks at her, confused, Lexa explains, as quietly as she could, "Maybe knowing more about your time could help me understand ours."

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to kick_angel for help with this one. :)

How does one start with the saga of the Hundred?

Clarke asks herself this as Lexa sits, waiting for her as she tries to collect her thoughts. They are still in Lexa's quarters, suns setting over the horizon.

Dinner had been served minutes ago - a plate with jelly-like blue green blocks of something Clarke could not readily identify surrounded by what looked like seaweed or worms, Clarke could not be sure - much of the earth species had been decimated and all she ever knew of extinct species was what she learned on the Ark. A bowl of light, mustard yellow colored soup with equally unidentifiable floating things are served as well.

Lexa must sense her discomfort, because with a half-amused smile she says, "Do not worry. These are all edible and all organic. And as Monty assures me, completely safe and healthy. It has all the ingredients necessary for a human to survive, vitamins, minerals, protein..." She recites all of it as if from memory and Clarke has the distinct feeling the words aren't her own but Monty's.

Lexa looks at what she thinks is distaste on Clarke's face, and informs her the block of food is named "Togu", a blend of tofu and algae, the tofu such as those consumed by Monty's and Anya's ancestors on Old Earth. She remembers Anya had rolled her eyes at that. "My ancestors are from Tibet, Monty, your people oppressed my people for generations," Anya had pointed out. Monty had looked offended by that and countered that with "My ancestors were from the Korean peninsula, Anya, they did not oppress Tibetans." Lexa had watched the exchange with amusement. Growing up, everyone had been encouraged to discover their ancestry - a way to re-connect with Old Earth. It was a way to know where they came from to know where they were going, as Bellamy Blake's mother once told them. Bellamy Blake's mother’s ancestors had been from Asia, too, and had served in the Ministry of Education. She had told them this once before The Plague hit, on one of those rare occasions when the young Redblood and Nightblood students, civilian and military students alike, sat in a lecture delivered by selected civilian or military personnel. Bellamy Blake shared the same father with Octavia, one of her officers, Octavia’s own mother having worked in science. Octavia’s ancestors had been from Old Europe - Cyprus and Greece, Lexa recalls. Bellamy and Octavia had been close and Octavia had never gotten over Bellamy's death, until now. Lexa herself is unsure of her own ancestry - most Nightbloods were never sure what their ancestry was - and doubts reconnecting with her ancestry would help her determine her future. "The past is dead and buried, the only thing that matters is the present," Anya had told her. It seems to help the others with finding an identity, discovering some connection with the past, a resilience shared with their ancestors from Old Earth helping them with their emerging identity as Terrans.

When the worms writhe, Clarke almost jumps up in surprise. "These are still moving..."

"I am sorry, Terran food can be...surprising to the uninitiated," Lexa says. "Those are Terran worms, _fu_ , combined with DNA from our old Earth insects."

When Clarke doesn't say anything Lexa says, "They are not sentient, if that is your worry."

Clarke is speechless, debating what to do next so Lexa says, with a half-amused glint in her eyes, "Alie, please call Monty. It is urgent."

"Calling Monty Green,"Alie says.

In a few seconds, Monty's familiar face appears on the screen, wide, welcoming grin on his face, almond eyes crinkling at the effort, hair disheveled, goggles on top of his head, gloves on his hands. He is surrounded by plants everywhere and he waves at Lexa in delight. Lexa knows Monty likes to put in long hours, his work, especially his experiments taking up a lot of his time.

"Hi Lexa! Evening!" he greets Lexa, grinning at the Commander. When he notices that Lexa has company, he becomes all serious, voice visibly lower as he says, "Good evening, Commander, how may I be of assistance to you tonight?"

Lexa tries to conceal her smile. "Monty, this is Clarke. She is here in the city as my guest. Clarke this is Monty Green. That is his Greenhouse. Monty, our guest here is on state business. I would appreciate your discretion on this matter."

"Understood, Heda."

"Monty, our guest is a bit apprehensive about our food, would you mind telling her a bit about it?"

Clarke is already shaking her head vigorously, saying "No" under her breath, but Monty is already excitedly, taking a potted plant to the screen, explaining how their ancestors had genetically modified algae, injected it with old Earth animal DNA and fruit and vegetable DNA to ensure humans had the requisite nutrients. He shows them the potted plant, lifts it out of the pot, puts a strainer below it, shakes the plant into the strainer. As soil, grit and leaves fall out, worms also fall from the plant and into the strainer. The worms are about an inch in length, flesh and pink-colored. He proudly shows the worms to them and shows hundreds of the same tiny, writhing worms being cultivated under light and glass. Clarke shudders in disgust.

"Nightbloods though have a more enhanced diet," Monty adds, thoughtfully. "They burn calories faster and they expend energy more. Anyway, it's healthy and all natural!" He ends his explanation with a grin and a thumb's up sign.

Lexa nods. "Thank you, Monty. I am sorry to have kept you from the all-important work of...worms."

"No problem, Heda!" Monty says cheerfully and the screen blacks out.

Lexa smiles. "Monty is good at his job," she comments with a fondness tinged with pride.

Clarke feels a pang. Even Monty, in this world, is Lexa's friend or at least, known to her, enough that Lexa seems to speak of him with pride. Had their old world been a better place Monty would have been given the recognition he deserved in this one, too. In this world Monty is in charge of agriculture, health and nutrition.

"We had debated about the possibility of growing old Earth livestock here, we had the genes, frozen DNA to replicate that," Lexa continues, "But seeing as livestock demanded large tracts of grazing land, water and food - resources we did not have much of - we had decided we could get those proteins from insects instead."

Clark had carefully put the worms aside and picked at the seaweed. "And this?"

"That is just seaweed," Lexa says. "We call it _udon_."

Clarke opts to taste the togu and udon, and politely tells Lexa she would have to skip the fu. The soup though, _wongchow_ , is surprisingly good and hot - a mixture of something that vaguely tastes of old earth pork, chicken and vegetables, buttery and soft.

When the dinner is done and cleared away, Clarke decides to begin at the beginning with the tale of the Hundred. She tells Lexa about being imprisoned, about her father, the culling, being sent down to earth with ninety nine other juvenile delinquents to check whether the Earth was suitable for habitation again or not. She tells her of the Sky Crew, Mountain Men, of the Grounders, of the Ice Nation, Polis, Praimfaya, Wonkru, Eligius and finally, leaving the Earth one last time. It is an abridged version, not quite as detailed. She skips some parts of it, is careful to leave out the names, and tries not to be too specific, lest it would influence this world or endanger her, Bellamy and Madi. Madi is still commander in their old world and whilst she knows the Lexa in her old world had liked children, she doesn't know how this world, and this Lexa, would react to a young commander that might pose a threat to the current commander - this Lexa's - position and timeline. She already knows Madi wouldn't stand a chance against Lexa, flame or not, and even if Lexa isn't  a threat, Clarke isn't sure the others -  generals or the chancellors - are not.  In her determination to protect Madi she had neglected to prepare her for just this kind of situation. But who can prepare for a parallel dimension such as this?

Lexa listens, only asking questions for clarification or providing some insight into parts of Clarke's story. She watches Clarke and sees a weariness settle in her blue eyes.  She is unexpectedly moved by those sad, blue eyes, eyes that had seen so much loss and death and destruction. Lexa has the brief urge then to scoop her in her arms. She is caught off-guard by this feeling, surprised by its intensity. She swallows then and asks, "Why would your officials send one hundred of young, healthy people to an irradiated world where they had barely any hope of survival?" She continues, "That is a waste of child-bearing individuals. I am guessing most of these young people were untrained as well. You tell me you had the culling. Why were they not sent to earth instead?"

Clarke has no answer for that. How does one justify humanity’s irrational decisions?

Lexa had found the Mountain Men, the Grounders, Wonkru equally unsatisfactory and had told Clarke as such. "If this is what was left of humanity, then humanity probably do not deserve Earth. Praimfaya would have been what they deserved."

Clarke looks at her, ready to argue. "You can't mean that. Nobody deserves Praimfaya. Whatever humans did on earth that doesn't justify Praimfaya. You of all people should know that."

Lexa looks at her, chastened. "I'm sorry. I did not mean to offend you."

***

Lexa, on the other hand, tells her a bit more about Terra.

"This is the Terran Military Academy, the school for Nightbloods," Lexa says as a massive dome appears onscreen surrounded by smaller buildings. She raises a hand and it is then that Clarke notices a ring on Lexa's right ring finger. With a faint feeling she realizes Lexa could be married. Did she actually think this Lexa would be single? She hadn't even noticed it before. Who did she marry in this world? 

Lexa continues, not noticing Clarke's inner turmoil.  "At present only about five percent of the population are Nightbloods by Census counts. Not including those in the Badlands. The academy is where all Nightbloods are trained for military duty."

"What if a Nightblood doesn't want to be in the military?" Clarke asks.

"Why would a Nightblood refuse to serve Terra?" Lexa asks, as if surprised anyone would even ask the question. "It is an honor to serve Terra. And an even greater honor to die for it."

"You mean to tell me no Nightblood has ever tried to live as a civilian?"

"No one," Lexa confirms. "They can serve in the military and choose to retire early but most serve Terra for life."

Clarke is about to ask another question so Lexa says, "This is the Gymnazium."

"Gymnazium?"

"The school for the Redbloods. They are taught the humanities, the sciences, mathematics, some practical arts," Lexa elaborates. "At the end of their time at the Gymnazium, based on their academic performance and their own preferences, they are assigned to different ministries -  education, health, sciences, nutrition, military duty."

"Shouldn't those interested in the military just join the Nightblood school?"

"That's not how it works in Terra, Clarke. Redbloods and Nightbloods are educated separately then integrated after graduation." Lexa then goes on to the next, a diagram of their political system. "We have a Prime Minister and five ministers that make up the council. The five ministers are in charge of commerce and trade, industry and production, health, science and agriculture, housing, justice and my ministry - defense and security. The Council decides on everything. There is the Council of Terra, then the local councils - district councils and clan councils."

"How are the Prime Minister, Ministers and members of the various councils chosen?"

"Through election," Lexa answers. "The Prime Minister is elected every five years. They can serve for three consecutive terms. Abby is up for re-election. She appoints the Council of Terra. The chair and members of the district and clan councils are appointed. They are nominated by members of the community and approved by the Council of Terra."

"So really only the Prime Minister is elected,"Clarke notes pointedly. "And the five council members - that's a useful number isn't it? When it comes to voting, it means there's always a majority."

Lexa chooses to ignore that or its implications. "Terra is divided into five districts - Polis, the largest, then New- TonDC, Azgeda, Arkadia and New Eden." She explains that they were named after the places around the Old Earth where the Resistance were located. "We named our districts in honor of that part of our history."

Clarke nods, taking it all in.

"These may be familiar to you - government offices for government transactions, licenses, permits, certificates. " Lexa shows a simple, squat, square building where a few people are queueing up. "This is our medical facility." A picture of a similarly square, squat building beside the government building appears. "Abby was administrator before she became prime minister. Niylah, one of our medical personnel, is in charge now. The hospital is where medicine, vaccines, check-ups, medical tests are done."

Clarke nods.

"Then we have housing, the production facilities - food production, mostly, Monty heads that. He's also in charge of agriculture and biological research. Then engineering, where Raven works and then you have the various trading posts. We have a modest economy going based on barter and credit." She pauses.

Clarke nods, unable to say anything else.

***

The call from Indra comes in the middle of the awkward silence that follows. Lexa excuses herself to take the call in her bedroom.

When she comes back to her room, she still finds Clarke staring at her food, as a child would stare at grotesque creatures suddenly found lurking beneath her bed. Lexa would smile had it not been for what she has to do now.

She thus clears her throat, making Clarke turn and look at her.

As Clarke shakes her head and says it's fine, Lexa continues, "I apologize but there are pressing concerns I need to attend to."

"Oh, okay," Clarke says, rising from the chair.

Lexa tries to ignore what she thinks is disappointment on Clarke's face. "I shall escort you to your quarters," Lexa informs her then.

Clarke nods. "Thank you."

***

On their way to Clarke's quarters, Clarke ventures to ask a question. "May I ask what this pressing matter is?"

Lexa looks at her. "It is no concern of yours."

"Commander, maybe I could be of help," Clarke begins now, knowing as she says it, how ridiculous it is.

Lexa seems to agree. "That will not be necessary, Clarke."

Clarke almost stops, feeling faint. Lexa calling her Clarke a few times now had reminded her so much of how her own Lexa had called her in exactly the same way when she had been alive.

"Are you alright?"Lexa asks then, noticing that Clarke had stopped.

Clarke is nodding. "Yes, I am, thank you. It must be something I ate over dinner," she says wryly.

Lexa looks at her steadily. "Are you mocking us, Clarke?"

Clarke is shaking her head vigorously as she sees a dark look pass over Lexa's face.

"Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Clarke."

When she hears that, Clarke almost laughs out loud, reminded of that time when a pauna had attacked them and they sought shelter in one of its feeding grounds.

"What are you smiling about?"Lexa asks now, trying not to show her irritation.

Clarke shakes her head again. "Nothing. It's just...you are different from my...the Lexa from my time, and yet in so many ways you are exactly the same," she explains with a smile.

"Maybe in the end, in any possible world, we are all still exactly the same,"Lexa says. "We are what we are."

Lexa says this with the small, half-smile, green eyes glinting with an almost imperceptible hint of mischief that almost makes Clarke feel like it's her Lexa from her old world come alive and she can't help the fluttering beneath her chest.

Clarke feels her heart warm at Lexa's smile. She says, "I bet the next thing you will say will be 'Love is weakness'."

Lexa knits her eyebrows. "Why would I say that? It's a natural human emotion..."

 "It is?" Clarke asks, amazed.

"Of course," Lexa says, as if this should be obvious. "To deny yourself the ability to love is to deny your humanity. Much of ancient old Earth literature has been devoted on just the one emotion: Love."

"So love for commanders is permitted? You are allowed to married?" She asks. "The Lexa...in my world...thought love was a weakness..."

Lexa looks at her impatiently."That is irrelevant. Love is not a very reliable emotion for deciding the fate of humanity. It is irrational, unstable and destructive. We have come close to extinction too many times to rely on emotions for our survival." She shrugs. "I have no time for marriage."

Clarke nods. This would be easier then. They both struggled with that in her world and as fate would have it this weakness had her Lexa killed.

"Fear is weakness," Lexa says now. "We fight to make sure Terrans enjoy all the freedoms but the other freedoms are pointless without freedom from fear."

When Clarke doesn't say anything, Lexa says, "If you are not feeling well, I can bring you to Niylah. She can help you..."

At the mention of Niylah, Clarke is already shaking her head, face reddening. "No, I'm fine. Really. Maybe I just need some..." Here she clears her throat. " _Rest_." She couldn't tell this Lexa the relationship she had with Niylah in her old world. Judging from how she is responding to this Lexa from this world, seeing Niylah would make her respond in a similar way, too. She does not know how she will cope with the awkwardness of both Lexa and Niylah in the same room. And given that the one thing both Lexa and Niylah shared other than her was a perceptiveness and an ability to read her even when she was lying she doesn't think she wants to see them in the same room just yet.

Lexa nods, already thinking of what Indra has said.

“Get some rest, I shall talk to you later,” Lexa says, softly, coming up to her. “Lincoln will bring you to me.”

Clarke smiles. She takes a step forward, leaning over, hand coming up as if to touch Lexa, but then she remembers that this isn't her Lexa and steps back, swallows, a pain in her chest, as of a longing for something already lost. She feels so many words wanting to spill forth from her lips - words she should have said to the Lexa in her own world but had not, could not. She had wasted too much time with the Lexa from her own world. Wasted too much time being involved in politics, in protecting her own people, in engaging in consequential things. She should have done something, said something then before it was too late. She should do something now. But she looks at this Lexa and knows this Lexa is different. Even if she knows what words to say how would she even say it? She feels confused. Finally she settles for the words she knows are safe.  “Good night, commander," she says, careful that her voice will not break.

“Good night, Clarke.”

***

The screen comes to life on one side of the wall when Lexa returns to her room.

"Commander,"Indra says with a nod.

"Indra,"Lexa acknowledges.

"Commander, an anonymous message has been sent to us."

"Show me."

Indra disappears and the image of a torn paper, about eight inches by five appear on the screen. Lexa puts her right hand up, palm facing the screen. On her ring finger is a military ring, a ring with a red stone in the center. It had been given as a present to her, on the day she took command of the fleet. Raven had modified the ring for her. The ring connects to Alie via a chip inside and as she swipes her hand at the image, it slides out of the screen and onto her living room and it becomes a three dimensional image. The paper is ordinary, slightly crumpled.

 "Alie, analyze," she says.

"Analyzing," the computer responds as a column appears on the side of the image analyzing the paper.

"Do we have any idea as to who sent it? When and where did we receive it?" Lexa asks.

Indra shakes her head. "The vine has been quiet as of late. There have been no rumors, no tips, no stories, no security alerts."

"The Brotherhood?"

Indra shakes her head. "Perhaps. But this one was left unsigned. It was sent to us, in an envelope."

Indra disappears and an envelope materializes. Lexa's right hand goes up and she moves the image from  the screen to her room. She looks up at the 3-D image.

"Commander, the letter has traces of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen and traces of CaCO3, Al2Si2O5(OH)4, TiO2 and calcium carbonate," Alie reports.

Lexa nods. Chalk, kaolin clay and titanium oxide, she remembers from chemistry class. Old Earth type of paper. They use different components on Terra to make paper and as much as possible go paperless. The use of paper is deliberate, it means the writer wants them to go back to simpler times, much like how it was on Old Earth.

"The paper has traces of sand particles on the paper. Analyzing sand..."

"Thank you. Alie, scan envelope for fingerprints," she says.

"Envelope's clean,"Indra informs her although she already knows Lexa is thorough and will do it anyway. "Except for a bit of sand on the flaps."

Lexa nods as Alie goes through the envelop.

"Scan complete. Envelope and paper show no sign of fingerprints. Particles found on the flap and letter is not sand but calcium carbonate..."

Lexa looks at the minute particles glowing before her. She raises her right hand again and zooms in on the image.

"Explain."

"Seashells crushed into fine sand," Alie responds.

"There are no seashells in Terra," Lexa says. "This planet is surrounded by desert."

"Millions of years ago, oceans existed on Terra," Alie counters in her feminine, neutral voice. "These seashells could have been taken from any number of places where there used to be ocean..."

"Where would that be exactly?"

"Searching now..."

"So, in other words, untraceable,"Indra says.

Lexa looks thoughtful. "Not necessarily. This could be a deliberate way to mislead us. I do not want us to dismiss it but I would like us to consider other possibilities. Go back again, check security footage, see if we can find other clues."

"Yes, Commander," Indra says.

This message,  Lexa knows, is deliberate way to destabilize, to sow fear and doubt on their traditions, theie very way of life. It is not a coincidence this message was sent on the eve of the gathering. "I would have you search whoever is responsible for this and arrest them before they do much more damage."

"Yes, Commander."

"Indra, have you found Octavia?" Indra nods her head.

"Have her report to the training room first thing tomorrow," Lexa says impatiently and Indra nods. "I want her in the Gathering. Have her help in the investigation, too."

Lexa pauses, thinking a bit more. "The Gathering will have to be cancelled, for now," Lexa decides. "Until we can ascertain that the threat is not serious we cannot send our ministers, our Redbloods and Nightbloods, our people into that square. We need to make sure everyone is safe. I will talk to the Prime Minister myself. Send extra security detail for the Prime Minister and the other members of the council."

"Yes, Commander."

 "Thank you, Indra."

Lexa reads the message again as Alie calls Abby for her.

When the call to Abby comes through and Abby's image is on the screen, Lexa briefs her on what has happened, sending her the envelope and message.

"Dissidents?"Abby asks.

 "Perhaps,"Lexa says.

"Then the Gathering has to be postponed," Abby says.

"I have already informed Indra,"Lexa tells her. "It will be postponed until we can ensure everyone's safety."

"Thank you,Lexa," Abby says. "What about the prisoners?"

"They are still in their quarters."

"Quite a coincidence this coming in when our intruders arrive."

Lexa doesn't say anything.

"Lexa...maybe it would be better if our prisoners are sent to the Badlands..."

"No," Lexa is already saying even before Abby finishes the suggestion.

"At least until the Gathering is finished..."

"I said, no," Lexa says more firmly.

"You know when people find out they're going to be curious,"Abby says.

"No, they stay here,"Lexa insists. "We are not barbarians. And they have done nothing wrong."

"Lexa, you can't prioritize these people over your own," Abby says now. "How do we know they are not spies?"

"I do not think they are spies," Lexa insists.

Abby stares at her, hard. "Are you willing to risk everything, our lives, our people, our world for them?" Abby asks now. "All for three strangers we know nothing about?"

Lexa doesn't say anything.

"What are you not telling me, Lexa?"

Lexa shakes her head. What will she say? That Clarke is her daughter from a parallel universe? That in some universe Clarke had survived? How would Abby handle it? If she knew Abby would be sending her own daughter to the Badlands and almost certainly death, would she forgive Lexa? Would she forgive herself? She stands there, hands behind her, eventually saying, "Trust me on this, Abby. They are not a threat."

Abby wants to say more, but instead, she sighs and says, "I hope you know what you're doing."

Lexa nods, as the screen winks out. She looks at the message.

The message, crudely written using different letters reads, "The Reign of the Prime Minister and the Council is over. Down with Fascism! Down with the Regime! Death to the Republic! Long live Heda! The prophecy will be fulfilled!"

She finds the message curious. Whilst she agrees the civilian government has its imperfections, she would hardly call it a fascist regime. That the writer would then invoke Lexa's position is even more curious. Commanders have tried as much as possible to stay out of politics, deferring to the civilian government in matters of running Terra. She had no interest in taking over Abby's position and finds that being commander suited her. Out of habit she runs her hand on the screen and satellite feeds of the city, its streets, the borders where the energy fields end, parts of the desert and finally, space, giving her a view of the blue-green planet they now call Terra. She finds nothing out of the ordinary. But she knows this is how a storm begins. With a lull and a silence and nothing out of the ordinary.

***

Lexa stares at the Jackson Pollock painting for hours. She wishes staring at the painting would provide the intellectual stimulation art could produce in her but it does nothing. She wishes she could just sit down and draw up battle lines, maneuvers, strategies - these have always soothed her. But she cannot. She is distracted. All she can think of are blond hair and blue eyes. When Clarke had mentioned love, something had stirred at the pit of her stomach. She remembers Costia from long ago. They had an all too-brief, forgettable relationship. Costia had broken it off after a few months. She thought that Lexa didn't care and she was right. She thought Lexa didn't care because she didn't love, _could_ not love and she was right. How could she explain that she does not know love? _Cannot_ understand what love is? How could she give something she does not have? Something she does not feel? But with Clarke...Clarke and her questions and her all too sad ocean blue eyes and her smile…Clarke walks in out of nowhere and Lexa has the distinct feeling that maybe she can.

Could Abby be right? Is she risking everything for a complete stranger like Clarke?

"Scanning complete,"Alie announces. "Crushed seashell are found primarily in the Badlands."

Badlands? Lexa wonders. How could the seashell from the Badlands find its way to the city? As Alie begins to show results of the scan, Lexa says, "Alie, scan city for crushed seashell sand."

"Scanning..."

As Alie is scanning the city, she pulls up the results of the scans Alie had of Clarke, Madi and Bellamy. She had Lincoln and Gustus provide DNA samples of the three. Bellamy had come up clean. Clarke and Madi's DNA reveal though the strands that show they are Nightblood. She wonders if there _is_ a connection between Clarke and her friends’ arrival to this new threat to Terra.

She then says, "Alie, call Raven Reyes."

When Raven's sleepy face appears onscreen, Lexa begins with an apology. Raven is one of the heads of engineering and though she has people working for her, she knows Raven personally supervises the maintenance of the spaceships in the fleet, their conversations usually about warp speed, field drives, retrofits, launches and spaceports. Some of their ships are old, most having been unused since the first group of humans came to Terra. "I'm sorry for waking you but I just wanted to know if there's any progress with your research on our guests' predicament?"

Raven rubs her eyes, shakes her head and says, "No, it's fine, commander. " She grins. "This is like the most awesome project you have given me...it's kinda hard though not gonna lie...I mean wow...the very idea that there's a parallel universe where there's another Raven Reyes, or universes with lots of Raven Reyeses is existentially thrilling!" Raven says. Then her face falls. "And also disturbing."

Lexa waits as Raven collects her thoughts. She's been around Raven and Monty long enough to know that sometimes when they get excited it takes a while for them to gather their thoughts and explain their ideas.

"The thing is, Commander, the concept of a multiverse isn't really a   scientific theory but a theoretical consequence of the laws of physics," she explains. "Which makes it hard... The idea that space-time begins and stretches infinitely implies that existence is mathematically bound to repeat itself at some point...or maybe like multiple Ravens eventually repeating the same mistakes or making the same decisions..." She looks at Lexa. "Or you, Commander. Maybe in different parallel universes there may be infinite versions of you but maybe you end up doing the same things, choosing the same paths, maybe even falling in love with the same person over and over again..."

They fall silent over that, contemplating over it. "I mean I had this crush on Finn Collins, this boy who died during the Plague...I never even got to tell him I liked him...it's comforting to know that maybe in some other universe he didn’t die and we ended up together....what do you think Commander? Ever think maybe in some other world you end up with your one true love...?"

"No."

That statement said so simply stops Raven. The Commander has never been known to talk trivialities with anyone, whatever relationship she may have with them. She's never been known for sentimentality or wondering about what could have been. Nightbloods, Raven thinks. Built like machines, punches like trucks, unable to feel anything. Raven almost feels sorry for the Commander. She is a good person, Raven knows, and she just seems so awfully lonely and isolated all the time.

"I don't believe in 'one true love's or 'destinies,"Lexa clarifies now.

Raven nods, unable to say anything to that. "Or maybe it isn't repetition in multi-verses, maybe there’s the possibility that multiple big bangs gave birth to multiple space-time bubbles, in a frothy multiversal sea of endless potentialities."

"But more importantly, where do we even begin?" Raven continues, seemingly talking to herself. "I mean, my readings of theoretical physics and string theory postulate that the plausibility of multiversal travel—if  parallel universes really do exist—depends on which multiverse concept you believe in. Multiple big bang multiverse believes travel to another would be impossible. But quantum physics postulates that there’s not even any need to travel to other universes, because you are already _in_ multiple alternate universes but not necessarily in all of them..."

"Meaning...?"

"Meaning...can't decide what to wear? Doesn't matter...you've worn them both in two separate parallel universes...or maybe you don't wear them at all in another universe...or like...maybe there's a universe where we don't leave Earth at all...or a universe where the dictator doesn't win the Second War and the Forever Wars don't even happen..."

Lexa nods, paying close attention to what Raven is saying, as a student would listen to a lecturer.

"Some other people believe if you come from a universe with higher dimensions, then it could be as easy to move between dimensions as stepping from one room to another," Raven continues.

"So in this theory, does that mean Clarke came from a higher dimension than ours?"

"It's just a theory, Commander," Raven says. "I mean string theory - which is trying to bridge the gap between quantum mechanics and general relativity - assumes that we actually have far more dimensions in this universe than we previously thought and that we just fail to notice them because they are actually very tiny, infinitesimal things, curled up in the infinitely tiny, trans-subatomic realms beyond the reach of our instruments. There is one thing most of my readings discuss about parallel universes...."

"What is that?"

"The technology to travel between parallel universes still doesn't exist..."

"So does that mean our guests won't be able to go home to their own universe?"  Lexa asks. "It can't be done?"

"It's not impossible, Commander, I mean, shit, they did already end up here, by accident, yeah, sure, but the problem is just replicating the circumstances of the event...but how did it even happen? A black hole? A worm hole? Is it really the solar flares? If so, just energy needed for this project would be huge."

"Tell me."

So Raven explains it to her, with rough sketches, diagrams, a holographic model and references to old earth scientific theories. At the end of her meeting, she thanks Raven and Raven smiles and says, "You're welcome, commander. Oh, hey, commander..."

"What?"

"When do we get to meet the guests?" Raven asks eagerly. "I have _so_ many questions. Like what's their world like? Is there another Raven there? If so, what's other Raven like? Is she as awesome as me? Is she as bad ass? What's their world like?"

Lexa smiles her half-smile. "Perhaps you will meet them at the Gathering."

"Awesome!" Raven says. "Check it out."

Raven shows her a bracelet. She slips it on, activates it and she creates a shield for herself. "Energy shield. And, nanites, look!" She presses on the bracelet and it becomes a silver gray armor snaking up Raven's eyes, creating what looks like a bionic, outer protective arm.

Lexa smiles.

"Pretty awesome, huh?" Raven grins proudly. "Had it made for you." She shows her own left arm, "So now we can both have awesome bionic arms,"she says showing off the arm with a semi-robotic brace.

Lexa nods. "Thank you Raven."

"I'm sending it over as soon as I can. You could test it at The Gathering."

"Alright," Lexa says. "And Raven..."

"What do we use the crushed shells for?"

Raven thinks about this. "Well, when the ancestors came they were wondering how to build structures here and they discovered those shells over at the Badlands...the shells contained calcium carbonate - it was perfect, it could work just as well as cement. I know Monty uses it to control soil acidity in his farm and he uses it to feed his...worms." Raven shudders at the thought. "Gross, really."

Lexa smiles at that. "Well, I shan't keep you long, Raven, I'm sorry for waking you."

"Alright, Commander," Raven says.

When Raven still doesn't sign off, Lexa asks, "Is there anything else, Raven?"

"Yes, um..." Raven hesitates. "I know it's none of my business but...have you...talked to Octavia...?"

"No,"Lexa says.

Raven nods. "Okay. I'm sorry...I shouldn't have..."

"It's okay, Raven,"Lexa says. "Good night."

Raven knows from how Lexa speaks that the subject is not up for discussion, that the subject is closed. "Good night."

When Raven signs off, Lexa sits on her bed. She stares at the blank screen, takes a deep breath, feeling at once isolated and alienated, before finally sinking with a sigh into the darkness of sleep.

***

Lexa wakes up to the alarm Alie plays beside her table. She gets up, does her morning warm- ups, push-ups on the floor, two handed and one-handed ones, pull ups on the bar installed on her doorway. After she is done, she heads to the gym, does a few levels of the exercise simulations they used to do at the academy: an obstacle course of treadmills, salmon ladders, monkey bars, walls, ropes and nets. Lincoln, Octavia and the others had laughed at her insistence at exercising even though everyone knows she can take them all on if she wanted to. But Anya had encouraged her to keep fit. They don't understand exactly how the curse works but she hopes regular exercise and proper diet would keep it at bay.

In a few minutes Lincoln brings Clarke in. He salutes Lexa and leaves.

Clarke is already up, dressed in dark blue Terra clothing, to "help her blend in" Lexa had explained though Lexa stops short of saying that Clarke is never built to blend in, but to stand out, with her luminous, blond hair, her blue eyes, her smooth cheekbones, that distinct cleft chin. She remembers again her talk with Raven about parallel universes. Is this what she had been talking about? Because she looks at Clarke's ocean eyes and she feels something stir at the pit of her stomach.

"Have you eaten?" Clarke asks then. For some reason, even though she knows this isn't the same Lexa, seeing a familiar face makes her smile, recognizing a familiar face making her feel comfortable.

Lexa smiles. "Yes. I trust your breakfast was to your liking? I have instructed the kitchen to skip serving the worm you so clearly are not so fond of."

Clarke reddens, although she is touched Lexa had taken the time to even instruct the cook at all.

Lexa is in military issue black cargo pants and a gray tank top that stops short of her midriff, revealing a stomach that is flat and firm. A silver necklace glints on her chest. The necklace is a flat silver stone with an infinity symbol embossed in gold. Clarke stares at Lexa, surprised, once she sees Lexa without the uniform. She can see an intricate tattoo on her right shoulder, part of it going up the base of her neck, tendrils of it crawling up to it. Her shoulders are broad, and her upper arms are all rippling muscle and sinew.

"It was...fine, thank you, “Clarke says, feeling shy all of a sudden, unable to look Lexa in the eye, resisting the urge to reach out and touch Lexa's stomach.

Lexa seems not to have noticed though as she says, "Good. I’m sorry for bringing you here, but I must talk to you about getting home."

Lexa is about to tell Clarke what Raven had told her but the door swishes open then and Octavia comes in in cargo pants, boots and army issue tank top.

Octavia stops infront of Lexa and salutes. Lexa salutes back and says, “At ease, soldier.” Octavia relaxes.

***

Lexa studies Octavia for a few seconds before she says, "I heard you have been engaging in acts unbecoming of a non-commissioned Terran Military officer, Lieutenant. You have been drinking, engaging in illegal underground fistfights at the Pits and gambling."

Octavia hands curl into a fist. "You know I could just be as good as Luna and Ontari. I could've been at the academy."

"You know it is not allowed and you wouldn't have lasted at the academy anyway. Challenging the Council or me will not change things." Unperturbed, she looks at Octavia. "The dead are gone, Octavia. The living are still here. Pull yourself together."

"I know the dead are gone, Commander," Octavia spits out. "That's not why I’m doing it."

 "Why _are_ you doing it, Octavia?" Lexa asks.

Octavia laughs bitterly, holds out her arms, scars criss crossing them. "To feel, Commander. Much like you and your books and art and music. To fucking feel something."

Lexa takes a deep breath. "Octavia, you know what this means..."

Octavia bows her head. "Yes,Commander..."

"It's either this, jail, dishonorable discharge or the Badlands."

"I know, Commander."

"Do you accept?"

Octavia nods. "Yes, Commander."

Lexa speaks then, voice low, firm, full of authority and power. She is crouched low, arms out and loose, feet apart, ready for a fight. " I do not want to hurt you. I will take no joy in this..."

Octavia nods. Without warning, she attacks Lexa but Lexa anticipates the attack and moves like a blur out of Octavia's way. Octavia stumbles but quickly recovers and attacks Lexa again. Lexa is waiting for her. She ducks the first punch, swiftly moves to the left when Octavia tries to hit her right side,moves to the right when Octavia tries to punch her on the left. Octavia roars in frustration and tries to hit Lexa straight on the face. Lexa smirks, quickly blocking the blow with her right forearm and with her left hand hits Octavia on the chest with her palm. Octavia stumbles back again but goes to attack Lexa again and Lexa is a blur of motion as she hits Octavia with her hands, before she turns and delivers a flying kick that sends Octavia crashing to the floor. The fight is over even before it has begun.

Clarke stares in shock, mouth open. She hadn't seen anyone move or deliver such strong blows quite like Lexa does.

Later she will find out that part of being a Nightblood is being stronger and faster than the average human and that Lexa is the fastest, strongest, smartest Nightblood Terra has, body built like a machine, perfect in every way.

Lexa approaches Octavia then. "Your technique is sloppy. You are too slow and you always drop your guard. I can see what you will do next just by your stance."

Octavia spits blood and whines. "I apologize, Commander."

"Have you had enough?" Lexa asks.

Octavia nods.

"You are a disgrace to the fleet."

"I am sorry, Commander."

"Pull yourself together.  If you don't, then you leave me no choice, Octavia. I _will_ remove you from the fleet. And you _will_ attend the Gathering. Even if I have to drag you there myself."

Octavia looks at her then, eyes misty, face full of pain and anxiety. "But I love her."

Lexa takes a deep breath then. "I know, Octavia," she says, gently.

Octavia fights the tears then, angrily rubs at her eyes.

Lexa says, "I'm sorry."

***

Octavia leaves then, and as Lexa is being called for a meeting, she escorts Clarke back to her room.

After breakfast and a shower, Lexa meets with Gustus, Indra, Anya and Titus. During the meeting they review Alie's findings and the separate findings from Gustus and Indra's investigation, after which they agree that the letter and the threat poses no danger to the Gathering, the council and its citizens. They thus agree the Gathering should continue. They have a security briefing after, discussions of security threats and assessments for the Gathering and overall security risks and assessments for Terra in general. This is a short session - there have been little threat since she took command.

She attends the regular meeting with Abby and the Council and provides her team's report, the Council relieved that the Gathering can continue as planned. As Lexa discusses threat assessments and security details at the Square, Lexa almost wants something new to happen.

Life is so ordered, so predictable, so peaceful at Terra she wonders why there is a need for heightened defense and national security at all. She doesn't voice any of this to the Council though knowing how the Council would react to that.

After the meeting and the necessary paperwork done for the morning, she decides to pay Clarke a visit.

She considers her next words before she says, "I have spoken to Raven about your...predicament. Short of a miracle, she has no idea how to help you get back to your own world. The circumstances in which you were thrust into ours is so unique, so extraordinary that she is at a loss as to how to even recreate it, create a portal, and bring you back. The energy needed to open a portal such as yours would need the energy of the sun."

"Oh." Shit. Clarke doesn't know what to say. "There must be a way. We can't stay here. You have to know that."

"Raven and her team are doing everything they can," Lexa assures her. "Although from what you have told me, I do not understand why you are in such a hurry to go back. Your Earth is destroyed. From what you tell me it was doomed anyway. And you are going to a planet you are not even sure can support human life."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying there doesn't seem to be an assured future where you come from..."Lexa says. Then she swallows. "Whereas here, you already know you have a future."

Clarke is shaking her head. "No. No. I refuse to believe that. I'm sure something will come up."

"And we will help you find that way, Clarke. But in the meantime, you have to be prepared for the very real possibility that you may be...stuck here in the meantime."

"So, what are you proposing? That we stay imprisoned here as your guests for the indefinite future?" Clarke demands.

Lexa says, "You would be our guests, yes, until such time that Raven finds a way to bring you all back to your own world. In the mean time, we believe everyone should be a productive member of society. We are always in need of more people. As you can see there isn't much of us to begin with. You can become part of Terra. If you are worried about Terrans you need not worry. You will be my guests. No one would dare move against you because that would be moving against me. And as you can see, I am more than capable of protecting the whole of humanity. Three more added under my wing should not be a problem."

Those familiar words, said with such confidence remind her that that has been said to her before. Clarke takes a deep breath. "What do we have to do?"

Lexa is surprised at her reaction. "So you are agreeing?"

"Do we have any other choice?" Clarke asks, feeling resigned and helpless, like she is losing control of everything. "Besides, it beats being cooped up here."

"Is there anything that interests you or you think your friend might be interested in based on what I told you? As for the child I assume she will go to the academy as tradition dictates."

"Academy? The Nightblood academy?" Clarke asks. She is shaking her head, heart pounding. "No, she's not."

"Explain."

"That will be up to her," Clarke responds. "And while we're on the subject, how did you even know we were Nightbloods?"

Lexa calmly explains, "I had Alie run some tests on you..."

"Tests?"

"Blood tests, scans to check for any possible contagion that might affect the citizens..."

"You ran scans on me and my child without our permission?"

"This is standard procedure for all, Clarke. I don't need your permission to do it."

Clarke lets that slide, although her resentment at having been tested without permission is apparent. "You still can't make my child serve in your military..."

Lexa looks at her. "I don't think you understand, Clarke. It's not up to her. It's her duty and obligation as Nightblood to be trained and to serve and protect the realm." She lets this sink in before she says, "Refusing to do so would be a crime. She would be detained, put on trial, branded a Quisling..."

"Quisling?"

"Traitor. Quislings don't have an easy life. It is not something you would like for your child. Quislings are taken to the Badlands, out in the desert, banished their whole life. It is where Redblood offenders go as well."

"And do I have to go to the military, too?"

Lexa cocks her head, not saying anything and Clarke knows this is her way of asking a wordless question.

"Because I'm a Nightblood, too."

Lexa cocks an eyebrow. "You might be too old for military school. We start very young."

 "How young?"

"As young as seven. As old as eleven," Lexa answers. "Your child is just about the right age to start military school."

Clarke nods. "Can I at least talk to her about it first? This isn't how we do it in our world..."

"How do you do it in your world?"

"We had...freedom...freedom to choose whoever we wanted to be...freedom to be who we are..."

"Are you suggesting there is no freedom here?"

"Everything here seems too good to be true," Clarke says. "But I'm beginning to feel like...we aren't exactly free here..."

"That is ridiculous," Lexa says. "This is a democracy. Our ministers are elected."

"Only the Prime Minister is elected," Clarke points out.

"Regardless. People can choose what jobs they want..."

"Except what school they want to be in, right? Or who they want to be when they grow up? They're defined by their blood, nothing more..."

"Why are you being difficult about this?"

"Why are you doing this at all?" Clarke demands.

Lexa looks at her. "I'm doing this to protect you," she simply says. "Do you really want to stay in prison for the rest of your life here?"

"What I really want is to go home."

Lexa doesn't speak for a few moments. But then she says, voice quiet, authoritative, almost gentle, "I'm sorry, Clarke. But this is the only way."

Clarke looks at her then and she sees something else in Lexa's green eyes: a pleading and an exhaustion, eyes that had seen too many hours of the countless uninteresting things, that have never been allowed to stray from carefully planned duties.  Looking at her, Clarke realizes the ultimate loneliness of being a leader. She realizes that the problem of her world is the problem of this world: The unfairness of inflicting such a burden on one so young...

***

Lexa gives Clarke a more detailed orientation about the military academy, schedules, curriculum, mode of instruction, instructors, even accommodations, meal times and other things but Clarke has lost all interest, intent on what Lexa has just said. For some strange reason she feels like she can't breathe, like someone squeezing her and not letting go.

***

The Gathering is held that evening.

When Clarke asks Lexa what exactly the Gathering is, it is the one time Lexa doesn't answer her question directly, rather, she says, "It is difficult to simply explain The Gathering. One must...experience it."

Clarke knows it is a ceremony. But what kind of ceremony it is, she doesn't know. Looking out the window to see preparations, she thinks it's a festive one, streamers and garlands strewn all over the city, music and dancing and laughter echoing throughout the streets, the smell of food cooking drifting up her nose.

***

"I don't know about this," Bellamy says uncertainly when they finally see each other in Clarke's room,Lincoln bringing him in. Bellamy looks well but for the dark circles under his eyes. Clarke had embraced him for a long time, Lincoln averting his gaze as they stood holding each other.

"Are you okay? Did they hurt you?" Clarke asks anxiously, putting a hand on Bellamy's bearded face.

Bellamy smiles and half-rolls his eyes. "I'm fine, mom. The soldiers assured me I would be safe and I wouldn't be harmed."

Clarke nods, face still etched in worry. "That's good. Where's Madi?" As if on cue, Madi enters the room and runs to Clarke.

"Clarke," Madi says, voice muffled on Clarke's chest.

Madi closes her eyes as she feels pain shoot up from the base of her neck, where the flame is lodged on her spine. It is a throbbing pain, expanding and contracting like a living thing pulsating in her skull. The pain had begun just after they arrived here. But she'd felt something the second they'd been transported here. She doesn't know what it is but the voices in her head - of the five commanders and the AI itself have been quiet since she got here. The unwanted images and dreams - always haunting and disagreeable and disturbing - wars and blood and deaths, countless deaths, have stopped. She is afraid to admit this is a welcome break from all of that. She had been feeling especially as the flame latched on to her more securely, that she is losing control more and more, like she is no longer herself but the flame. Could the flame have been destroyed on the way here? She could not be sure. If the flame is destroyed, does that mean she is no longer Commander? She feels guilty at the thought. But there is a commander here, older, wiser, smarter. She thinks she cannot compete with that. She had briefly wondered at the kind of feelings her adoptive mother had for the Commander - could not forget how Clarke had completely broken down when she had mentioned Lexa's name. "Do you see her, too?" Clarke had asked and Madi had felt sorry for mom. She wonders how her mom is feeling now, seeing Lexa here.

She has seen the Commander, Lexa, and she looks tall and scary imposing and beautiful all at the same time.

Clarke holds her tight, glad she is holding her child again. "Madi, are you okay? How are you?"

"I'm fine, Clarke. The food is disgusting. It's awesome!" she says with a grin."When do I get to meet the commander?"

Clarke ignores this question. "Did they hurt you?"

Madi shakes her head. "No, Clarke. I'm fine."

Clarke pulls back, runs a hand on Madi's cheek. Madi smiles, love shining in her eyes. Clarke has never seen anyone look at her with the kind of love shining in Madi's eyes: A child's love for a parent, pure and innocent and true - so different from the kind of love adults share. She and the Lexa in her old world, for example, loved each other deeply, but that did not stop either one from hurting each other and betraying each other. Clarke's hand slides down Madi's neck, her fingers touching Madi's scar where the Flame was and it all comes back to her: The struggle about whether Madi should be Commander or not, the struggle over the Flame, Madi's eerie conversations with her the minute she had the Flame, mentioning memories, of Clarke, of Lexa, Mt. Weather and how these provoked an avalanche of memories that Clarke hadn't been prepared to deal with. The pain had been great. The wound even greater. She thought she had been over Lexa and losing her but she had lived in a world that refuses to let her get move on: she is surrounded by people who knew Lexa, then there is the Flame and Madi and Madi being able to access Lexa's memories. It had been all too much for Clarke. She doesn't know of this is the reason she'd been willing to imprison and hurt to the point of electrocuting her own child. Guilt washes over her. She'd electrocuted her own child. She'd told Madi she loved her more than she'd loved Lexa but she thinks now how ridiculous that is - one cannot compare one's romantic feelings for another adult human being with one's maternal love for a child. And she had betrayed that trust and love by electrocuting her own child. She doesn't even know how to bring up the military academy to her. How could Madi join this academy? Or the military for that matter? Lexa demanded a hierarchical, unquestioning and unemotional. There seems no room for a middle ground, Lexa's beliefs absolute. She is afraid it would break Madi.She feels a bit like having something tighten its grip on her. She feels a bit like she has failed Madi somehow.

She grabs a surprised Madi and hugs her again.

"I'm sorry," Clarke says now, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. "For what?"

"For everything," Clarke murmurs now. "For all that's happened back on earth, for all I put you through, for hurting you like I did..."

Madi pulls back. "Clarke, it's okay," Madi says softly.

"No, it's not okay, I mean, Madi, I electrocuted you," Clarke says. "What mom does that?"

Bellamy tries not to smirk. "Oh, we're way past asking that, Clarke...although if we want that answered it's the same one who has no qualms about pulling levers to save humanity."

Clarke smiles.

Madi squeezes Clarke's arm. "It's really okay, Clarke." She looks at Clarke with her young, innocent eyes. "I know you were just doing what was best for me."

Looking at Madi looking at her so trustingly, Clarke wonders are children so forgiving?Clarke feels like she doesn't deserve Madi or Madi's love. Clarke smiles and puts a hand on Madi's cheek. "I love you, Madi. You know I'll do everything in my power to make sure you're safe. And when we get out of here I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

Madi smiles. "I love you, too, Clarke."

***

Clarke does not see Lexa the whole day.

The next time she sees her is at the Gathering.

At dusk all the people of the city gather at the town square,where a stage and a podium has been set up and chairs set up in front of the stage. The stage is bare, the Square simply decorated. It is night time, a slight breeze blowing from the desert, blowing up a little whirpool of dust. The stage and all around the Square is dark but for a few, tiny electric lights. A massive goblet lit in blue electric flame burns on the stage, in front of the chairs arranged there. The sky is faintly speckled with stars, the desert calm and quiet. It is cold.

A crowd is already gathering on the Square, taking seats, forming crowds on the edge of the Square. On the right side of the stage,Lincoln leads Bellamy, Clarke and Madi to empty chairs. A buzz begins to grow amongst the crowd when they see the three, curious looks on their faces, people whispering to each other, all eyes on them. Clarke spots Raven and Monty make their way down the crowd and into the seats, taking seats near Clarke. Monty recognizes Clarke and smiles. Raven leans over and whispers something to Monty. Monty responds and Raven looks at them and smiles, gives Clarke a small wave. Clarke feels the surge of affection for her then and for Monty. She smiles uncertainly, raises a hand in greeting. Raven’s grin is wider. After a few minutes, Harper joins them.

"They're staring at us,"Madi whispers. "Why?"

Clarke shakes her head. "I don't know," she whispers back uncertainly.

"They're freaking me out Clarke," Madi whispers now.

Clarke puts an arm on Madi's shoulders. "I know, honey. But don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you. No matter what."

There is a sudden excitement in the crowd and people start standing up, craning their necks.  Clarke wonders what it is but just then two perfect lines of young, uniformed children, blond and auburn-haired and blue, green-eyed, brown-eyed boys and girls, the boys in clean, trim haircuts, the girls in long braids, short hair, and trim close-cropped cuts. The children are fair- skinned, light-skinned, honey-colored, olive-skinned, brown-skinned children, all wearing the same neutral expression.

Excited cheers erupt from the crowd as the young Nightbloods take their seats. Madi looks at them in awe.

The cheers are louder when Lexa comes in, people screaming "Heda!" in excitement, fists raised in the air. Clarke takes one look at her and finds something fluttering at the pit of her stomach. Lexa is dressed in full military uniform, silk, royal blue cape falling down one side. Clarke notices the ring on Lexa's finger and a new, simple, thin bracelet on her right wrist. This Lexa moves in the same graceful way the Lexa from her world moved. There is a poise, a self-confidence there that almost all leaders have. And a pride free of arrogance because it never has to be asserted.

When Lexa's gaze falls on her, her stomach churns even more. Lexa only nods as she takes her seat beside Clarke. Bellamy is seated behind them.

"Have you talked to your child?"Lexa whispers, leaning towards Clarke.

Clarke shakes her head, all too conscious of Lexa's nearness, her scent wafting towards Clarke's nose. She smells of soap and shampoo.

"You have to talk to her soon, Clarke."

Then the Prime Minister, Abby Griffin and the four ministers of the Council come in and Clarke feels faint. It is Marcus Kane, Charmaine Diyoza, Nia of Azgeda and Theolonius Jaha.

Lexa notices how intensely Clarke is staring at the council. Marcus Kane, with his shaggy, unkempt, wavy hair and beard, the one Abby is the most intimate with, the one Abby would come closest to calling a friend. He is courteous and likeable and reveals none of the disdain and contempt the others have for Lexa. They believe that Lexa, being Minister of Defense, should have worked hard at becoming Minister, like them, who have had to campaign to be nominated, approved and appointed. The resentment comes from her being Nightblood she knows. And her age, as she is younger than all of them. "She's a child!" Nia Azgeda had scoffed with disdain. "Our fleet is being led by a child!" But Titus, Indra, Anya and Gustus had leapt to her defense. Unlike all the other Redbloods combined, Lexa had been training since she was six, her training so complete she is schooled even in ancient Greek Philosophy, ancient Chinese texts, renaissance art, advanced science and math and even engineering and technology. Lexa knows this resentment will not end and it will go on for as long as Nightbloods are in the council. Lexa is aware that whoever controls the fleet could wield power over the whole planet. Anyone could then wage war and the planet could devolve into another pointless war. She knows this is the reason the fleet has been entrusted to Nightbloods in the first place - trained to serve and protect at a very young age, none of the Nightbloods that have served as commanders had any political ambition or agenda, only a fierce loyalty to Terra.

Then, there is Diyoza, with her conventional attractiveness, typical bone structure, high arched eyebrows, auburn hair swept to one side. She had an air of looking at everyone and everything with a bold, contemptuous glance. Diyoza had give that same look at Lexa and they had developed a mutual dislike of each other ever since. Nia is obviously the token, wise old woman providing reassuring, comforting sometimes outdated ideas. She had been a teacher once, at the Redblood school but had entered politics and her passion for education has now turned to politics and the council, influencing, cajoling, scheming. Lexa finds her extremely dangerous. And Jaha, beside her, looks as tall and as intimidating and imposing. People think he is the brains of the operations and they would be right. He believes there are things about which nothing can be done and trying to change them is a waste of time. He, amongst all of the members, is the most sinister, dangerous member of the council. And Lexa suspects, the most powerful.

After the Prime Minister and other Ministers file in, a troop of armed soldiers come in and surround the Square, in full battle gear.

"What the hell is this?"Bellamy whispers in the back. Clarke has no words.

Titus appears in front, at the podium, in what appears to be a shapeless, ceremonial white robe, voice low and somber as he begins the ceremony in Trigedasleng. Abby follows in the same language - both times Clarke could not understand but Clarke feels a pang. She misses her mom, realizes she hasn't seen her in awhile.

The speech over, applause erupts again.

Then Titus appears again and speaks and there is a low murmur that spreads in the crowd as each person reaches down or into pockets or bags for what appears to be boxes.  Titus nods then and someone hands him the same thing. Titus speaks and everyone starts to light their boxes. When they are lit the Square becomes ablaze with light and then, a breeze blows, Titus gives the signal and everyone lets their lit box go and Clarke realizes the boxes are lit lanterns, lanterns as light as the wind, carried by a breeze up into the sky, lighting up everyone's face,the Square and the city. Lexa says this is done every year, a tribute to the dead they have lost called "The Deepening".

"For our tomorrow, they gave their today," Titus intones and everyone repeats this. He says it again and they repeat it. "May we honor the dead as they have honored us. Praise be."

A hush falls on the crowd and Clarke can almost believe, in this night candle-lit silence that this world they have walked into is a better, safer world but as evening deepens, the Gathering becomes little more than an increasingly bizarre scene of her own half- remembered Old World nightmares when she finds out what the Gathering truly is.

***

The Gathering is a ceremony formally announcing the names of Redblood students who have finished at the Gymnazium and what their assignments will be. As their names and images flash onscreen, the young people, who have taken a seat in front, each stand up to be recognized to the applause of citizens. There are more Redbloods than Nightbloods. Only a handful per year of Nightbloods finish at the academy as there are few of them to begin with. Nightbloods who have finished at the academy have their own graduation ceremony at the academy but they are also introduced to the citizens, young men and women in their late teens or early twenties, tall, handsome and beautiful women in military uniforms standing at attention as the crowd applauds them.

Then a hush falls on the crowd as one by one the Redbloods and Nightbloods kneel on the stage in one perfect line, hands at the back, heads bowed.

“What the fuck is this?” Bellamy whispers, leaning over, careful not to let Lexa hear what he is saying.

Clarke shakes her head, heart pounding, not knowing what to do.

Then a group of uniformed men and women, all in white, appear from the side of the stage, with what seems to be huge syringes in front of them, and each one goes to the back of a Redblood or a Nightblood and as Clarke, Bellamy and Madi watch in horror, each uniformed person seems to be injecting something on the neck of the young person. The young people kneeling don’t scream, but they close their eyes, beads of sweat trickling down their foreheads and necks, gritting their teeth, fists clenched as they endure what seems to be pain.

Everyone is quiet as this is done. Then, everything is finished, the uniformed men and women leave, the young Redbloods and Nightbloods pause, before each one slowly gets up and opens their eyes.

The crowds slowly applaud.

“We have to get out of here,” Bellamy whispers now, fear apparent in his voice.

Clarke swallows, slowly nods.

Then Titus proceeds with the next and last part of the ceremony.

Clarke is surprised then when young men and women and a few older ones, including Octavia and Lincoln go on stage.

"Let us celebrate the Bonding!" Titus says then and calls out Octavia and Lincoln's names. The crowd claps as both step forward, both Octavia and Lincoln in uniform. Lincoln stands beside her, face expressionless, eyes seemingly angry, body unmoving all throughout the program. The men and women kneel. A man appears then, with a woman trailing behind him, holding a goblet on a platter. The man takes the goblet and offers each man and woman a drink. Each man and woman, Octavia and Lincoln included, drink three times. Lexa explains later that part of the Gathering is the drinking of the blue fire. The first sip is to banish bad luck, the second is to cleanse the mind, and the third is for love and passion in the bond.

After the drinking, women come with different colored strips of cloth,which they give to the women, including Octavia. As if on signal, all the men, including Lincoln, kneel and recite words at the same time that Clarke cannot understand. Once they finish reciting the words, they stand up and face the women they are to be bonded to. Lincoln thus faces Octavia and Octavia and the other women recite words in unison, as they tie the the strips of cloth, first on the man's wrist then on the woman's own wrist. It is " _Tamimaksha_ ", Lexa explains, leaning over to tell her, an ancient practice among the people of old Earth - where the men promise their loyalty to the women and the women respond with the binding - their own promise to be bonded with the men.

Finally the same group of uniformed men and women kneel, syringes in hand and a silence reigns over everyone as they begin to take syringe and inject the men and women at the back of the neck.

Clarke is no longer paying attention.

"What is this?" Clarke asks.

"The Bonding,"Lexa explains. "The Ministry chooses which mate is best suited to which mate, taking into account intelligence, physiognomy, personality, DNA and compatibility." Lexa looks on the ceremony. "In this way we can also ensure that deformities or imperfections would not be passed on to the next generation."

"You force people into marriage?"

"We match them, so as to give our people a better chance."

"Match them? You’re breeding them!" Clarke accuses her.

"We're sparing the next generation from the barbarism of genetic imperfections."

Clarke couldn't believe her ears. "You're treating them like animals! Don't people have a say in their lives? Don't they have a choice?"

"That choice was taken from them when the dictator unleashed Praimfaya on us. Now we do what we can to survive."

"What do you mean?"

"Praimfaya rendered almost half of the men and women barren. Redbloods and Nightbloods alike. We were almost wiped out. If we didn't do this, carefully select men and women to mate, the race would perish."

"You can't just force people to do this..."

Lexa looks at her then. "Yes, we can."

Clarke is going to say something then but in the lull in the program, someone suddenly screams, "Death! Death to the Republic! Death to this Fascist Regime! Our time is now! Long live Generation Terra! Long live Terra!"

Then the next thing Clarke hears are screams, yells, and then shots ring out.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to kick_angel for the help. :)

Pandemonium breaks out. It is total chaos, people running in desperation, pulling at each other, pushing each other away, screaming and shouting, gunshots and gunpowder, smoke billowing up into the sky, armed people in black with masks with guns.

In the confusion, Clarke sees Lexa spring to action, calmly giving orders to Nightblood and Redblood soldiers, cadets and graduates alike. Clarke sees her survey the surroundings, green eyes watching the surrounding buildings, the armed gunmen hidden behind buildings, the stage, or standing by the Square in bulletproof vests. Lexa is calm, calculating, as if already weighing possibilities and options, already trying to make sure casualties are minimized even as she figures out the best possible way to win this one. Clarke sees a familiar look on her face - the same look the Lexa from her world had: a subtle excitement and energy, as if new life has been breathed into her. As if she was born for this. As if she lived for this. As Lexa gives her orders, the Nightblood and Redblood soldiers spring to action, the troop of soldiers bringing out their weapons, bringing civilians to safety - the ones on the stage, Titus, Abby, the Ministers, the audience,  a few instinctively surrounding Lexa, covering her from the gunfire. And in the middle of it all is Lexa, crouched low, behind some chairs that soldiers have created as a barricade, talking, communicating with Indra, Gustus, Lincoln, Octavia, Luna and Ontari, giving orders to soldiers.

“Sniper fire in the buildings, I want them taken down,” Lexa says now. “I need eyes, I need eyes on the gunmen…”

“Copy that, Commander,” Raven answers in her comm.

Lexa sighs in relief. “Thank you, Raven.”

“Anytime, Commander,” Raven. “I see they’re kicking your ass, Commander.”

“Over my dead body,” Octavia interrupts them in the comm as she stands up, shoots and brings down one gunman.

“Focus, Blake,” Lexa orders her.

“Sorry, Commander.”

"Lincoln, take them to safety," Lexa instructs Lincoln now motioning to Clarke, Bellamy and Madi who are all crouched behind Lexa, protected behind the soldiers protecting Lexa. 

But Lincoln sees a man in a mask aiming a gun at them and he stands to pursue him but Lexa pulls him down and shouts, "No, take Clarke and the others to safety. _Now_."

Lincoln nods, holds Clarke by the arm and says, “You’re with me,” as he motions for two other soldiers to bring Bellamy and Madi away from the gunfire.

“Lexa!” Clarke says, touching Lexa’s arm.

Lexa turns, eyes questioning her.

“I…” Clarke falters, wanting to tell Lexa something.

Something explodes behind them though, dust and debris raining down on them, so Lexa says, “You need to go, _now_.”

“Be careful,” Clarke says.

Lexa nods. “May we meet again.”

Clarke’s heart seizes. “May we meet again,” she says hurriedly back.

Lincoln herds Clarke, Bellamy and Madi away, all crouched low, running for cover behind buildings, people jostling and running away from the Square like them.  As they are running, Clarke takes a look back at the Square. The Square is in shambles, what was once a place that has been arranged for the Gathering is now covered in debris, bodies, bullets and paper. She sees Lexa and her soldiers moving along the Square.

But then as she watches, the Nightbloods - Luna, Ontari, the young ones, all suddenly stop, along with Lexa.

They stiffen, straighten up, their eyes glaze over and then suddenly, they aim their weapons at the Redbloods.

***

Lexa hears it in her ear. All the Nightbloods have implants to help them communicate with each other and the Redbloods in the military. The voice is low, deliberate, unrecognizable, almost robotic, as if disguised.

_"We make the grass grow_

_We make the blood flow_

_We are the beginning and the end_

_We are Nightblood."_

The first thing Lexa thinks of is that is the wrong oath. Nightbloods swear an oath to Terra and its people on the day they finish military school. But the oath was to promise to make the grass grow, to make the water flow - an allusion to swearing to make Terra prosperous, to help it grow, to make it strong. To make the blood flow sounds suspiciously like a war cry.

No time though to think about that now, she speaks and asks, "Who is that speaking on our comms?"

"We don't know Commander,"Luna responds.

"Are the Redbloods getting the same message...?"

"No, commander, I..."

But then, Luna is cut off.

Yards away, she sees Luna stiffen and straighten up, along with the other Nightbloods, get their guns and promptly aim them at the Reblood civilians.

"Stand down, Nightbloods!" Lexa orders. "Stand down!"

The Nightbloods seem to not have heard her. A silence settles then, the Nightbloods still, and before she has time to react the Nightbloods begin attacking civilians.

"Stand down!" Lexa barks the order to her soldiers.

No one listens. There are screams and shouts. Explosions. Smoke. She sees civilians drop on the ground like flies. Like dolls. She feels the panic, an altogether unfamiliar sensation, grow in her gut, powerless to stop the carnage. She rushes to the Nightbloods, trying to save Redbloods from each one, hitting, punching, kicking each one attacking the civilians, but as she takes down one Nightblood, another Nightblood would attack another civilian, and the Nightblood she has taken down gets up again, blooded and bruised from where Lexa has hit them, and attacks another Redblood. Lexa realizes the Nightbloods could go all night attacking Redbloods - they feel no pain, last longer then Redbloods, have higher resistance and, as she can see, under the right, or _wrong_ circumstances, can kill and kill in the deadliest manner possible. She wipes the black and red blood mixed with sweat on her face, swallows, feeling thirsty and exhausted, still trying to figure out what has happened. Is it possible something has happened to her Nightbloods? How could someone control them as easily as this? How is it possible she is unaware of this? Have they been, she swallows, brainwashed without her knowledge? When could that have possibly happened?

"Octavia, are you seeing this?"Lexa says now in her comm. "What is going on?"

"Commander, I don't know," Octavia answers through their comms.

"Raven..."Lexa says next.

"Commander...." Raven quickly replies.

"Something's going on with our Nightbloods..."

"On it, Commander,"Raven responds. "Someone's hacked into our systems..."

"Do we know who?"

"Negative, Commander."

"Shut it down, Raven," Lexa orders. "Shut it down now."

“Copy that, Commander,"Raven says. A few moments later, Raven comes on and says, "And Commander..."

"Yes?"

"Be careful out there,"Raven says. "The Nightbloods have been unleashed. We don't know what they're capable of."

"Thanks, Raven."

She is suddenly overwhelmed, not knowing what to do. She remembers Clarke, realizes something and says, through the comm system, "Lincoln..."

"Commander..."Lincoln replies.

"Get Clarke and the others out now."

"Commander?"

"Get them out of the city."

"Copy that, Commander,"Lincoln replies. "May we meet again."

"May we meet again."

As smoke engulfs the square, she sees a figure emerge.

She is surprised at who approaches her.

"Luna."

Luna doesn't speak, just steadily approaches her, slow and deliberate, predatory and menacing, eyes blank and glazed over.

Luna runs towards Lexa, a blur of motion, grabs her and tackles her to the ground. Lexa lands with a grunt on the ground and Luna pommels her with her fists. The first one connects with Lexa's face and she hears bones crack, skin split, blood spurt. But Lexa is as quick as Luna and blocks the next punch with her hand. Luna tries to punch her with her other hand but Lexa grabs that hand too and with all her strength she pushes Luna back, hits her with her head and punches her in the face. Luna staggers back, wipes the black blood from the side of her mouth and spits black blood on the floor. She slowly grins.

Luna goes for her again but Lexa is ready for her this time, blocking her blows with her hands and her elbows. Luna kicks her, feet lightning quick, as she tries to hit her on her stomach, sides, face, but Lexa blocks each blow with her hands, arms and legs. At one point, she catches Luna's foot as she tries to kick Lexa in the face, but she twists and pushes Luna's foot away, sending Luna careening away from her, landing on her stomach a few yards away. Luna pants, heaves herself up and looks at Lexa with murder in her eyes. It is Lexa's turn to grin.

Luna quickly gets up and goes after Lexa, fists at first slow, aiming for Lexa's abdomen, side, chest, Lexa efficiently and effortlessly blocking each one with her own hands and arms, Lexa trying to hit her and Luna blocking each one as well, but as they trade blows, each one becomes faster until their fists and arms become a blur - a blur of angry energy and motion on the ground.  Lexa delivers a blow to Luna's chest and Luna lands on the other side. She spits more black blood on the ground and laughs.

Luna gets up to her full height then, face serious.

Lexa growls.

Luna braces for Lexa.

Lexa runs towards her as fast she can, and tries to take Luna but Luna moves at the last second, and hits her from behind. As Lexa lies on the ground, panting and in pain, Luna comes up to her, jumps high and tries to slam her fist on Lexa’s face on her way down. She misses. Lexa quickly rolls away and Luna slams her fist instead on the ground. The ground rumbles, cracks under Luna’s fist. Luna doesn’t even grimace at the pain as blood appears on her knuckles. Luna tries to hit her again but Lexa rolls further away and jumps to her feet. Luna looks at her, panting.

As Lexa goes for her throat, Luna does the same too and each one grapples with the other. Luna hits her on the stomach, encircles her left arm with her own right arm, hits her on the side, twists Lexa's left arm and punches her on the chest.

"I'm sorry Commander,"Luna says now, struggling.

As Lexa's green eyes blaze with anger, Luna struggles to say, " _We make the grass grow_..."

Lexa stares at her, surprised. She responds with, " _We make the water flow_..."

" _We are the beginning_ ,"Luna continues.

 _"And the end_ ," they both say. " _We are Nightblood_."

Luna brings out her knife, struggling to lift it high above her head, beads of sweat trickling down her face, mingling with the blood, ready to stab Lexa on the chest.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks kick_angel! :-)

Luna is about to stab Lexa but then she stops, drops the knife, drops to her knees and grabs her head, groaning.

The other Nightbloods do the same, stop, put their hands up to their heads, kneel and groan.

Luna then stops, looks up at Lexa and she looks like herself again. The other Nightbloods seem to have come to as well, looking around,  confused at what has happened.

"Commander..." She says then, recognizing Lexa. "What's...what's going on?"

As the smoke slowly clears, they see bodies strewn all over the Square, some conscious, some semi-conscious, some injured and some, judging by the pool of blood on the ground, dead.

Luna drags herself up, the shock and horror slowly dawning on her face. The other Nightbloods are also just now realizing the carnage that has just happened and the same horror and shock are also on their faces.

Lexa breathes in and out, feeling exhausted, spitting black blood on the pavement as she gets up herself, the confusion and exhaustion slowly being replaced by anger at what has happened, at the Nightbloods, but mostly anger at herself, for allowing it to happen.

“Commander…” Raven says then, “I was able to stop the hack but…”

“Yes, thank you, Raven,” Lexa replies quietly.

“Are you seeing this, Commander?” Raven says softly.

Lexa assumes she means the scene in the Square, bodies of Redbloods on the ground. “Yes,” she whispers.

Luna surveys the surroundings, standing in a daze. "Did...did we do this?"

She turns to Lexa for an answer.

Lexa looks at her from a swollen and bruised face, bloody and tired. She slowly nods.

"What have we done?" Luna whispers in horror. “I’m..I’m sorry...I didn’t know what I was doing...it’s as if...I’d lost control...as if someone was telling me to...kill everyone…And...and...I didn’t want to but…” and here she looks at Lexa in horror, “I also wanted to do it. _Needed_ to do it.”

The other Nightbloods start to tell her the same thing and she listens, unable to say anything in return.

As the other Redbloods, civilians who have witnessed the scene also realize what has happened, confusion and a myriad set of emotions set in as everyone stares at the casualties on the ground. Then a low buzz becomes a murmur, then the confusion turns to fear then finally anger as the people realize that the Nightbloods have betrayed them. The murmurs slowly become wails then shouts and like a wave, the anger explodes as people rush towards the Nightbloods with sticks and stones and anything they can grab hold of.

"Do not engage,"Lexa says to her soldiers. "Indra, Gustus, we need back-up and we need it now..."

As a wave of people come at them, Lexa orders her soldiers, "Do not engage, shields up but do not engage."

Nightbloods, looking dazed and confused, do not show any indication that they hear her, but the shields go up, everyone bracing themselves for civilians.

"What have we done?" Luna whispers again as the first wave of civilians crash on them.

At first none of the Nightbloods engage, but as the civilians keep pounding and pounding on them, the Nightbloods finally break and start hitting back.

"Nightbloods! Do not engage!"Lexa barks at them now.

***

“Commander,” Raven says then, talking to her through a private channel. “The civilians are attacking the Nightbloods…”

“I can see that, Raven,” Lexa says impatiently.

Raven, knowing the Commander can be impatient and likes to get to the point, quickly says, “I can control them…”

“Raven…”

“Commander, there’s a lot of activity in the prefrontal cortex, around the amygdala…”

“What do you mean?”

“Meaning I think this highly unusual show of aggression isn’t normal,” Raven explains.

“We have been hacked? Again?” Lexa asks.

“Yes. I can get into the civilians’ chips, shut it down and diffuse the situation,” Raven says.

“You might harm the civilians,” Lexa says.

“Commander, it’s the only way,” Raven explains quietly.

“We can’t do that without harming the civilians,” Lexa says. “And we swore we wouldn’t attempt to control anyone as long as the chips existed in their heads.”

“I know Commander, but do we have any other choice?” Raven asks.

As Lexa watches the Redbloods and Nightbloods go head to head, she suddenly feels old and exhausted. She takes a deep breath. “Do it, but make sure the civilians are unharmed.”

“Alright, Commander.”

Lexa prays this night, this _nightmare_ , will be over soon.

***

In the end, the Nightbloods finally had to retreat with the help of the Redblood soldiers led by Gustus and Indra. It takes all their forces to calm the civilians down leaving a more devastated Square in its wake. Raven takes awhile but is finally able to hack into their chips and the civilians stop then, slow down, growing quiet, staring around, confused at what is happening.

After Lexa and her troops retreat from the angry mob, she sits down on the steps of their headquarters, staring at the barricaded building, confused and angry mob standing listless, murmuring and talking behind the barricades as beyond, Niylah and medics clear the Square of the injured and the dead.

“Commander,” a familiar, male voice contacts her.

“Lincoln,” Lexa says. “Did you get them out safely?”

“I’m sorry, Commander, we were blocked as we were about to leave,” Lincoln says.

“By whose orders?”

“The Council’s.”

Lexa takes a deep, angry breath. Something amorphous starts to swirl in her mind, a growing suspicion that she can’t quite put her finger on. “Alright,” she responds. “Place them in secure rooms in our headquarters, let me know where they are. But as soon as possible, get them out.”

“Copy that, Commander.”

"Commander,"Indra says then, voice quiet and confidential,"The Council is in a meeting."

Lexa nods, the suspicion growing even more. "Thank you."

***

Clarke paces around a room, away from the action. Bellamy and Madi are in separate rooms - security details posted outside their rooms.

There are more gunshots and explosions below and shouts and then silence.

No one comes to Clarke to tell her what's going on. She finally sits down, then lies down, wondering what is happening.

***

Clarke dreams.

She dreams of blood and carnage, screams and carnage.

She hears gunshots, she sees Lexa standing in front of her, blood on her stomach.

She sees Lexa falling slowly on the ground.

She hears herself scream.

She wakes up then, puts her hands on her face and cries.

***

Finally, there is a knock on the door. Heart beating fast, she stands up, goes to her door and opens it. Behind the door is Lexa, face filled with dirt and grime and sweat.

"Lexa!" Clarke says then, relief washing over her face. "Are you okay?"

Lexa nods, although Clarke can see she is valiantly trying to look composed and calm. She looks exhausted, a scratch above the scar on her eyebrow turning blue, face bloody and bruised, face swollen from the fight with Luna, uniform dusty and grimy.

"Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine," Lexa insists as she half limps into the room "Just a little scratch on my side..."

"Let me see," Clarke says but Lexa gently holds her hand and says, "I'm fine. I don't have much time, Clarke, I just...needed to know you were okay.”

Clarke feels like she can't breathe at what Lexa has said.

"Your friend and child are safe as well. Here..." Lexa suddenly gives her a bracelet with an infinity symbol on it. "In case you need anything.We have many ways to communicate. I have an implant that helps me communicate with people." Her finger moves up to show Clarke a scar behind her left ear. "But this shall suffice for you, for now."

Clarke is about to say something but Lexa stops her.

"I have to go,"Lexa says. "Lincoln will escort you..."

"To where? Why? What's going on?"

"I'm not sure, but I need you, your friend and the child safely out of Terra."

"Okay..."Clarke says uncertainly.

"I trust him. Octavia will bring your friend and the child with her, you will go through the tunnels, out of Terra,"Lexa says. "I have to go now."

As she turns to head back out, Clarke says, "Lexa..."and touches her arm.

Lexa stops, waits for Clarke to speak.

She doesn't know what possesses her to do what she does next: She leans over then and gently kisses Lexa, her hand coming up to touch Lexa's neck, to pull her gently towards her.

Lexa seems to be expecting the kiss. She isn't surprised and she responds to the kiss, gently kissing Clarke back, kiss careful and tender, as if she's afraid Clarke would break. There is a barely imperceptible sigh that comes out of Clarke, as if a tension has been released, as if she's been wanting to do that since she first saw Lexa. And the tears come, tears of joy and sadness, trailing down Clarke's cheeks, and still Lexa kisses her, as if trying to kiss all the hurt and pain and grief away.

Clarke kisses her and Lexa grimaces and jumps up, pulls back. She remembers what Anya has said. Don't get involved. Love is normal, natural but it could get in your head, keep you from making the right decisions for yourself, for the people. She feels the loss of contact and resists the urge to grab Clarke.

"I'm sorry," Lexa says. She struggles with the next words. "We shouldn't have done that."

Clarke is both surprised and disappointed.

"I'm sorry,"Clarke says, "I shouldn't have..."

Lexa cups Clarke's face, kisses her gently. "Later, we will talk."

Clarke nods and sees Lexa out.

***

The Council is in the middle of a meeting in the conference room when Lexa arrives . She had not even had the time to stop by her quarters to quickly wash and change from her uniform. Her cuts and bruises from when she fought Luna and tried to stop the other Nightbloods, throb ache.  Although she has a higher level of pain tolerance than the average human she still feels the pain as a dull ache. She had glanced at her watch and realizes it is past midnight. She feels her stomach rumble, she hadn't had dinner prior to the Gathering but she knows her body will compensate whilst she is working. She spies the bracelet Raven gave her and puts it on.

When she arrives, the first thing she notices is that Abby is not present. She had tried to contact Abby but she couldn’t get through. She had tried again and again but cannot. Worry, suspicion creep into her being again.

"Commander," Kane acknowledges her and the others nod towards her.

"Where is the Prime Minister?" she asks then.

All the others are silent. Titus steps forth then, still in his ceremonial robes.

"Commander," Titus says.

"Titus," Lexa says, voice level and neutral. "Where is Abby? What is going on?"

The others do not respond. Finally Titus ventures a response.

"The Prime Minister has been injured at the Gathering."

"Impossible, I was there. She was protected," Lexa says.

"Your incompetence will be dealt with later," Nia says sharply.

Lexa cooly regards her, not saying anything.

Titus raises a hand and the Ministers quiet down.

"In the event of a cataclysmic occurrence such as what happened in the Gathering, in which a threat to the Council has been ascertained, the Council has a right, by law, to call for a Conclave to vote on certain matters," Titus explains.

"Then why is Abby not here?" Lexa asks.

Titus is supposed to answer but Nia of Azgeda says, "I, Nia of Azgeda called for the Conclave, as is my right and duty. Faced with certain events that threaten the very fabric of our society and seeing as our current leadership has been lax in its assessment of internal and external threats, I have called for a vote of no confidence for our Prime Minister."

Titus confirms Nia's statement. "The Council has voted and Prime Minister Abby Griffin is no longer Prime Minister." He approaches Lexa and shows her the pieces of paper where the Council members have written their votes. "Heda, please take a seat."

"Minister Nia of Azgeda, being the most senior official, will be acting Prime Minister until such time as a new Prime Minister is elected."

"Why was I not informed of this?"Lexa demands.

"Given your Nightblood soldiers tried to kill Redbloods, we don't exactly trust you or your soldiers, Commander," Nia says.

Lexa looks at everyone. "This is ridiculous.”

“Did your Nightbloods not just try to massacre Redbloods?” Nia asks then. “Were they trying to seize control of the government for you?” Nia says. “Or Abby?”

Lexa clenches her fist. “You cannot possibly think we or Abby is behind this.”

Nia hits a button and a hologram screen appears in the middle of the room, showing the Nightbloods from hours before, hitting and punching and shooting at the Redbloods.

“How do you explain this?”

“I…” Lexa says. “Those comm chips are passive ones. No one is supposed to access those for safety and security reasons.”

“Yet someone has,” Nia says. “And aren’t you and Abby, as Prime Minister, the only ones with access to these chips?”

“Abby and the Nightbloods were not, are not and will never try to seize control of the government,” Lexa reiterates now. “We have sworn allegiance to Terra and its government. We are committed to peace.”

No one speaks.

“You cannot possibly want to remove Abby as Prime Minister. This is treason."

"She has failed at her job, and it is high time that we are led by someone who can more aggressively and proactively serve our interests," Jaha says.

"This is unacceptable," Lexa says. Lexa is shaking her head. "You were her ministers for 14 years!"

"And she did a good job," Jaha says. "But now is the time for new leadership, to take Terra to new heights."

"And I suppose you expect us to believe you are the right person for the job?" Lexa asks.

Jaha smiles an altogether false smile. "If Terran citizens find me worthy. Vox populi vox dei. The voice of the people is the voice of god."

Nia looks at Lexa then. "Which brings us to you, Commander and your army’s attempts at a coup...and treason.”

Lexa regards Nia cooly.

"You were aware of a threat to the Gathering?"

"Yes,"Lexa says.

"You received the threat a day prior to the event?"

"Yes."

"Yet you did nothing."

"We conducted threat assessments and security threats, we conducted our own investigation. We found no reason not to continue with the Gathering."

"You were aware of this?" Nia asks, lifting a piece of paper in her hands.

Lexa sees the paper, betrays no emotion. Titus hands her a copy. She reads it. It is a brief message. A manifesto of some sort. It reads, " _A Call To Action from Generation Terra. The fascist reign of tyranny and oppression of the Prime Minister and the Council of the Five is over. We call for an end to the compulsory fertility testing for men and women. We call for an end to the Redblood and Nightblood school segregation and compulsory military service for children. We call for an end to the practice of forced marriage. We call for real freedom. Freedom to be whoever we want to be. We want change!_ "

Lexa had not seen the message before. She swallows. "This has not been shown to me," she finally admits.

"Commander, people have died at the Gathering, many more in critical condition and many injured because you failed to do your job. Especially since your Nightbloods went rogue. You can't even control your own soldiers."

"I can assure you a full investigation will be conducted," Lexa says now. "And all those responsible will be punished." She looks at Nia steadily. "As for the threat, I consulted the Prime Minister. We all had a meeting about this. You all agreed."

"Are you blaming us for your own mistakes?" Nia asks.

Lexa bites back the fury. "I accept responsibility for this but I will not sit here and listen to you blame me for something you also had a hand in deciding."

"You are the Commander. You were the one trained to assess threats to our security," Nia says. "And you failed us. Spectacularly."

Lexa holds her tongue, waits for Nia to continue. It is Kane who speaks up.

"Commander, it has come to our attention that you are refusing to be bonded to Roan of Azgeda," he begins, "As is our policy and tradition, to ensure the survival of the human race, selected Terrans are to be bonded with each other."

"I am aware of that,"Lexa says.

"Yet you refuse to be bonded."

"I did not refuse to be bonded," Lexa explains. "I am merely delaying it. As Commander, I have many duties and responsibilities. Being bonded to someone will interfere with those said duties and responsibilities."

Kane continues, "You have also stopped going to the clinic for the mandatory fertility testing."

Lexa looks at him coldly. "I was unaware that my ability to produce offspring was of concern to the council."

"All your abilities are of concern to us,"Nia says. "In fact, your inability to discipline your officers is of great concern to us."

"I was unaware this was any of the Council's business either,"Lexa retorts haughtily.

"Everything in Terra is our business,"Nia says. "Including your refusal to prosecute intruders suspected of being spies." Nia waits for this to sink in then she says, "Truth is, we have been slaves to the myth and hype surrounding Nightbloods. You are a rare and special breed, of course, but for so long you have been complacent and ineffective for our New World needs."

Lexa looks at Nia, face impassive, waiting for her to make her next move. She already knows what is going to happen next.

"I call for a vote of no confidence for our Commander and Minister of Defense, Lexa Com Trikru," Nia says then.

Lexa grits her teeth, her hands curling into fists. The room is deathly silent.

"Minister Nia of Azgeda has issued the challenge, what say you Rest of the Council?" Titus asks. "All in favor?"

No one says anything at first. But then Jaha and Diyoza nod their heads.

Titus nods back then says, "Minister Kane?"

"I abstain,"Kane says then.

Titus nods again and says, "So be it." He faces Lexa then, "Commander, you are being relieved of your command effective immediately until such time as a suitable replacement can be found. You shall be detained pending a thorough investigation."

Lexa looks at all of them coldly then. "There never was a threat at the Gathering, was there?" She says it as a statement, knowing, as everyone grows silent, letting the statement go unchallenged that that she was right. "You wanted Abby out and you wanted to make it look like an accident." She looks at Nia and Jaha then, guessing them to be the masterminds.

She wants to ask why target Abby specifically but Nia speaks up.

“That is a lie,” Diyoza says then.

Nia holds up a hand. "You've always been very clever, Commander," Nia begins. "In fact, _too_ clever sometimes." Nia pauses, regarding Lexa. "The truth is, Abby's been making changes that are making the people unhappy."

"You mean making you unhappy," Lexa accuses.

Nia doesn't disagree. She instead continues and says, "Too many changes. Cutting funding for our fleet, for example. Our ships are old and need repairing, we need new ships..."

"Where, pray tell, will we get our funding? This is not Old Earth and this is not the Fuhrer's Empire..."

Nia ignores that. "Insisting in investing in education, changing even the curriculum to add music and art appreciation and philosophy and literature!"

"These are necessary changes..." Lexa begins.

"What use do our children have for music and art and literature if we are invaded? These are useless! Meaningless!"

These are meaningful for me, Lexa thinks. But she knows it is pointless to say this.

"Redbloods and Nightbloods talking about art! And music!"

"What would you have them do?"

"Prepare for war!"

"There is no war," Lexa says, gritting her teeth. "Look around you. There is no invasion. We are in an era of unprecedented peace. No one is invading us."

Nia looks at her, hard. "There is always the threat of invasion." She continues, "Abby has cut Redblood military service from five years to two years, and now she wants to cut Nightblood military service. "

This surprises Lexa. Abby had not mentioned this to her. She had been aware of the opposition when it came to cutting Redblood military service, but she hadn't known Abby wanted to reform Nightblood military service.

"And let's not talk about her allowing Monty Green to spend precious resources growing his precious worms and algae or Raven Reyes using resources on projects that do not benefit Terra..."

"What would you have them do? What would you have Abby do?"

"Follow what the mandate is! Let our people focus on what's important," Nia replies. "Making sure Redbloods and Nightbloods remain completely separate, ensuring people, especially you and others, refrain from engaging in unnatural relationships!” Nia leans forward then, eyes piercing and determined. “Our mandate, our Terran Code needs to be upheld. Terra and its survival is all that matters."

Lexa's anger has turned to rage, swallowed down as she tries to control herself from interrupting Nia. She and Costia had broken up not only because their relationship was not working because she had a duty to the people. Octavia, Lincoln, Niylah, even Raven and Anya had all tacitly opposed the bonding, but no one had wanted to say it out loud. Octavia had drowned herself in drink and had, at Lexa’s insistence attended the bonding even though her heart already belonged to another. Niylah and Raven had refused the bonding instead of being bonded to mates they did not want. And Anya, Anya had chosen to leave. Not telling anyone, not even her second, Lexa, that she was leaving. A few days before she had disappeared, on a particularly good day when they had gone out for dinner with Raven and only Raven, and Anya had looked at Raven with such pain and longing in her eyes, Lexa had realized then what they had meant to each other. Anya had looked at Lexa then, with sadness and weariness in her eyes, telling her, "Don't be like me, Lexa. Life should be about more than just surviving."  One day she had just disappeared, never to return.

Lexa thinks she understands now. She realizes if they knew about Clarke, Clarke would pay for it. She couldn't let that happen. Better apart and safe than together and not. The council tacitly tolerated same-sex relationships but did not want to officially recognize it or include it in the Gathering. She had not realized how deep the bias and prejudice the Council had until now.

She looks at Nia then and Nia looks back, that air of permanent hostility she's always had around Lexa out in the open. But Nia had never been able to intimidate Lexa, however old and powerful she is. Lexa's cold ferocity, her intelligence, her genes, had always been what made her different. She realizes it's what made the Council and perhaps their supporters resent her and all the other Nightbloods. The Nightbloods going rogue had just added fuel to the fire, given them the perfect excuse. A convenient excuse to do this. She looks at Nia and the others and realizes that there are no real external threats to Terra. There never was. That they, the whole Council, are the real threat to Terra. She feels weak, unsettled, half sick with disgust and rage, fists tingling with the urge to go and break every bone in their bodies.

"You created a false threat, and sacrificed Terrans' lives to achieve it," Lexa concludes. "And now you want me removed because I am a threat to your precious plans."

"Enough,"Nia says. "The sanctity of the Terran Code must be preserved. You are either with us or against us."

Lexa's face is inscrutable, only her fists curled tightly on her side betray her emotion." In order to keep moving forward, you have to let go of the past, cut it away from oneself if need be, rather than be defined by it. Rather than be trapped by it," she says. She looks at each minister in turn. "We have been trapped by the past of our ancestors for so long. This isn't ancient Earth. We are a long way from home and we don't have to repeat the sins of the past. The dreams of the future are better than the history of the past. We can start anew... Let the past die. Start over. Adapt. But you don't want that, do you?" When nobody answers, she says, calmly, "I accept your challenge."

Nia's smile can only be described as evil.

Suddenly Gustus and Indra come in, faces blank as Nia and Titus nod at them.

When Gustus goes to Lexa to lead her out, he says, apologetically, "I'm sorry, Heda."

Lexa only nods.

***

"Commander,"Titus says, walking after Lexa. "I'm sorry..."

Lexa stops, down the anger, swallows, and turns around. She stares at Titus, not knowing what to say. Gustus and Indra stop as well.

"I tried to stop them..."

Lexa cuts him off sharply. "You didn't try hard enough."

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, kick_angel for this. :-)

 

Clarke sits in one corner of the prison, cold and alone. Lincoln and Octavia had attempted to evacuate them out of the city again but the city had been on lockdown, nobody allowed to go in or out, entrance and exit points blocked.

Without a word, Clarke is thrown in jail, separate from Bellamy and Madi.

She had paced the whole early morning, exhausted and sleepy but she could not sleep. The cot is bare and hard and the wires poked at her back. There is no blanket or pillow and after attempting to sleep, huddled and shivering on the cot, she decides to just sit and think and wait for the morning in the cold, dingy, dark room. There are iron bars on one side and a small window off to the other side. She now feels like a real prisoner.

The city has grown quiet, but not the kind of quiet associated with peace, but an unsettling one, as if the city is collectively holding its breath, waiting for something to happen. A dread, a sense of foreboding permeates her being. She wonders where Lexa is, if she is okay, if she survived the worst of what has happened last night. What snippets of conversation she could hear, what she could gather from what happened last night, was that the Nightbloods had attacked the Redbloods for no apparent reason or provocation and that the Redbloods had attacked in angry retaliation.

She thinks about Madi, couldn't sleep for being separated from Madi, worried about her, worried in all the confusion if she is being treated right and fair. She is worried that if they find out she is Nightblood they might think she had something to do with the attack. She paces the cell, her mind going round and round, restless and anxious.

Finally, after what seems like an interminably long amount of time, the prison clangs open, she looks up and gets the shock of her life when Lexa enters, Gustus and Indra behind her.

"Lexa...!" Clarke says, jumping up and going to her. "What happened? What's going on?" she asks in confusion and relief, hungry for news and answers.

Gustus and Indra step out, lock the door behind them, confusing Clarke more.

Lexa looks at her. "I have been relieved of my command. I am no longer commander."

Clarke stares at her, uncomprehending. "What?"

"It might no longer be safe for you here,"Lexa says quietly.

Clarke's stomach drops. "The city is on lockdown."

Lexa nods. "We have to get you and your child out of here."

Lexa slowly walks to one side of the wall, grimaces and leans on the wall for support.

"You're hurt."

"It's nothing."

"You're hurt,"Clarke says firmly. "You have to let me have a look at that." As she says this she looks up, asking permission from Lexa with her eyes. Lexa nods. She calls to Gustus' retreating back and pleads, "Please give me cloth, some water and soap and maybe some disinfectant of some sort."

Gustus stops.

"Please," she pleads again. Gustus does not move. "She's your commander."

Gustus resumes walking away, doesn't reply.

Minutes later, Gustus comes back with a bowl of water, cloth and what seems to be alcohol. He wordlessly sets them on the floor and leaves.

Clarke looks at Lexa's wound on her hand and on her side and says, "Let me get that cleaned for you.”

As Clarke attends to her bruises and wounds, Lexa grimacing and hissing as Clarke touches a particularly painful part, Lexa recounts what happened in the Square, how the Nightbloods seemed to have changed, suddenly turning on her and the other Redbloods.

"How did that happen?"

Lexa shakes her head. "A message on our coms."

"Like an A.I.device? Implanted at the back of your neck? You have one of those?" Clarke asks, thinking of the Lexa from her world.

Lexa shakes her head. "No. We all have chips. Implanted and upgraded as we age and marks our transition from one phase to the next. We have one for when we are infants and they are upgraded for when we are toddlers, children, when we reach puberty, young adults and so on. The ceremony you saw is part of that - nanites injected to upgrade the chips. The chips have multiple functions - tracking device to help as monitor each Terran's health and bio-rhythm, fertility, moods, hormone production and so on...we had a prototype for a cybernetic implant  similar to Alie, it was the first version and the first commander had it, much like what you have mentioned. It was meant to enhance the commander's consciousness, teach the commander how to rule. But the Alie version 1.0 grew sentient and almost drove the first Commander insane. We have not done that since."

"Where is that Alie version 1.0 now?"

"Destroyed. Generations ago. As far as I know."

"What happened at the Square?"

"Somebody had gained control of our com systems, said some words that seem to have activated the other Nightbloods,"Lexa explains.

"What words?"

"It's the Nightblood oath. We recite it to profess loyalty to Terra, its citizens and the fleet,"Lexa says, thoughtful. "But someone had modified it."

"But you were not affected?"

Lexa shakes her head, a little puzzled. "No."

"Why?"

Lexa shrugs, shakes her head again. "I don't know."

"It seems strange that you're the only one not affected."

Lexa nods."So it would seem."

Clarke nods. “Is that why you were relieved of your command? They suspect you had something to do with it?"

Lexa nods again.

“Who will be the next commander?” Clarke asks, curious, remembering how the Lexa from her world had said her spirit would choose the next one. "How will the next commander be chosen?"

"I don’t know if they will follow what we have been doing but before, we had the War Games, a series of physical and mental tests created to test a Nightblood's suitability to be commander," Lexa replies matter-of-factly. "And the 'Initiation'."

"What is the Initiation?"

"It's a fear simulation test. All Nightbloods are injected with a serum and they enter the fear landscape,"Lexa explains. "We have regular simulation tests to face and overcome our fears throughout our stay at the academy. It’s important that we face our fears so that when we become commanders we are ready to face whatever will come. An official monitors our simulations, monitor our brain activity. The official will know how many fears we have but not what kind of fears we face. Basically the one who has the least number of fears wins. The one who wins the War Games and The Initiation becomes Commander."

Clarke nods. "I assume you won the War Games and the Initiation."

Lexa smiles that rueful, lopsided smile. "It was a close fight between Luna and I, in the War Games."

 _Of course it was_ , Clarke thinks.

"But I performed better at the Initiation, and so I won," Lexa says.

"You had less fears," Clarke concludes.

"I had less to lose,"Lexa concedes. "Luna had a family. Friends. I didn't."

***

As Clarke silently and gently wipes the blood away from Lexa's side, she becomes acutely aware of the muscles on Lexa's stomach, the slow rise and fall of her stomach, the smoothness of her skin, the scars on her skin, Lexa's breath on her cheek, her nearness to Clarke. Lexa feels so close to her she could almost kiss her.

"Is that why you're fearless?" Clarke asks now.

Lexa, who'd started staring off into the distance, her mind automatically helping her numb the pain, eyes glazed over, turns back to her, focuses on her and says, "What?"

"You had nothing to lose,"Clarke says.

"I am not afraid of dying,"Lexa says with a shrug. "Death, afterall, isn't the end."

"You should still be careful," Clarke says. "You can't just rush into things without thinking like that..."

Lexa looks up at her then, surprised. "Clarke, I am the Commander of a whole fleet. Of course I have to, as you say, rush into things. It’s what I was born to do. It’s what I was trained to do.  It would seem strange if I didn't."

They fall silent then, each one lost in her own thoughts.

As Clarke dresses her wound, Lexa ventures a statement.

"Clarke," Lexa begins softly. "How did your Lexa die?"

Clarke is silent for a few minutes, does not answer, gently presses the dressing on the wound.

"Gunshot wound," Clarke finally says, careful not to make her voice break over the lump in her throat, clammy hands trembling over Lexa's skin, eyes unable to meet Lexa’s, afraid that if she does, she would completely break down. "To the stomach...the bullet was supposed to be for me...The bullet was meant for me..."

Clarke doesn't realize she's crying until the tears are falling down her cheeks. She keeps her head down, absently tracing the scar on Lexa's skin. "Her adviser meant to shoot me, but he shot her instead..." Her voice breaks "...I tried to save her. Tried to do everything I can. But she'd lost too much blood. I had to stand there and watch as she bled to death.  She told me there was nothing more I could do. That her spirit will choose the next commander then. That the next commander will protect me." She looks up at Lexa apologetically and smiles, tears shining in her eyes. "I'm sorry. It's been years since she was gone but...sometimes it still feels like yesterday."

"Don't be..."

"She always protected me, always tried to put my needs before hers, always did what was good and right and best.  She died in my arms. Died protecting me. As she did when she was alive."

If there is any doubt then about what kind of relationship Clarke may have had with the Lexa from her world, that had disappeared with her response. Lexa is silent, so deathly silent Clarke is afraid to look up, to see her reaction. Finally, she swallows the fear and anxiety and dares to look up. Lexa is looking at her with a new understanding in her eyes. As if now she understands Clarke more deeply, understands the profound loss and grief Clarke had experienced.

"You loved her," Lexa says then, so softly Clarke almost didn't hear her. "And she loved you, too."

Clarke looks in her calm, deep green eyes, alive with intelligence, the perfectly shaped nose, lightly sprinkled with freckles, the smooth cheeks framed by luscious black hair, the carefully composed features and Clarke again is struck by how beautiful she is. Lexa's hand comes up to Clarke's cheek. The touch, so warm and tender, is so familiar and different, that she almost cries out in relief and despair, not knowing what to feel. She hadn't known until Lexa touches her now how much she's missed Lexa, how much she's yearned for her, how much she'd wished she could see and touch her one more time. That this Lexa, this other version of Lexa is doing that now is leaving Clarke confused and conflicted. It's not the same Lexa but it's still Lexa anyway. All her life Clarke had felt she had been missing something, some essential piece of the puzzle. When she'd met Lexa in her world, she'd suddenly felt like she'd found the missing piece and something had been completed. When she'd died, Clarke felt like that piece had been ripped out so violently she thought she'd never recover. She meets this Lexa and realizes the piece has come back into her life. The color and design is different, but it's still the same shape and it still fits.

"I'm sorry," Lexa whispers now.

Clarke nods for lack of anything better to say.

Lexa cups Clarke's face. "You are special, Clarke. Extraordinary," she says with a tender smile. "You make me feel things I do not particularly understand or dislike but... I am also Commander of an entire fleet and the fate of my people lies in my hands..." She stops, draws her breath.

Clarke touches the back of her hand. "You don't have to explain yourself to me..."

Lexa lifts Clarke's chin so that she is staring at Clarke's blue eyes. "But I do, Clarke," Lexa insists.

"It's alright," Clarke says. "You care for your people."

Lexa looks at her then and Clarke feels breathless, faint. "I care for you, too, Clarke."

Clarke slowly nods, feeling the bittersweet confession stab at her very being.

"I do, too," Clarke finds herself saying.

Lexa shakes her head, sadness in her eyes. "No, you don't," she simply states. When Clarke makes to protest, Lexa explains, "You only think you do, but you care not for me but for the Lexa you lost in your world. The ghost of the woman you had loved and lost. You don't see me, Clarke. You see her. I cannot be this person for you. I am not her and she is not me." She looks at her steadily. "Besides, you know as well as I do, that you have to go back to your people. And I cannot go and you cannot stay."

Clarke looks at her then, unable to say anything.  She feels the rejection sting, feels the pain in her heart and fresh tears threaten to spill from her cheeks again. Lexa looks at her with the same green eyes from the Lexa of her world, the same eyes that look right through her and to the truth. The Lexa in her old world always understood her, understood who she was, is, her capacity for darkness and good. Lexa understood her because Lexa was the same way. Nobody else understood Clarke the way Lexa did because nobody else understood what Clarke can truly be capable of. And even now this Lexa is still understanding her the way nobody else could. It unnerves and comforts Clarke. She wants to protest, wants to say it isn't true but she knows Lexa is probably right. She has her people and Madi to think of.

"I hope you understand, Clarke," Lexa says gently.

Clarke gives her a brave smile and nods. "It's okay..." She says something she once told the Lexa in her own world. "Maybe someday, we won't owe anything more to our people."

Lexa smiles. She reaches for Clarke's hand then and says, "I hope so."

Clarke finishes dressing her wound, and Lexa thanks her. Lexa wants to say so many things. Feels the words bubble to the surface.

But she decides to change the subject instead.

"How are commanders chosen in your world?" Lexa asks, curious.

"A conclave," Clarke replies, grateful for the change in subject. She explains, "A fight to the death. The last Nightblood standing becomes the next commander."

"That is a waste of valuable Nightbloods."

"My thoughts exactly," Clarke agrees. Clarke realizes something then. "You said you were able to overcome the fear simulation test…”

“Yes.”

“Could you control it?”

Lexa nods. “I was able to transform my fear landscape, turn them into something else.” She looks at Clarke then. “I have not told anyone about this. Only you.”

“Could this be the reason you were not affected by the message? Your brain is wired differently. If the message is meant to activate something in your mind, it would seem you are immune to it."

Lexa thinks about this, something slowly dawning on her. "Perhaps. When I won the simulations, there was much controversy and excitement about it."

"How so?"

"Before me, no one had never had four fears only," Lexa explains. "It had always been more than that. I had set a record, they said." She recalls it and remembers how perplexed and excited people had been. Apparently she could control the simulation with her brain, tell it to create landscapes, or control the images and fears with her mind. It was both, according to Titus, a miracle and an anomaly. "Titus had looked at me and told me I was special. That I would do great things."

"Titus?"

Lexa doesn't miss the expression on Clarke's face. "Titus existed in your world, too." She says it as a statement.

Clarke does not speak.

"I've seen how you look at Titus, and how you reacted when you saw Minister Jaha, Diyoza, Nia and Kane..." When Clarke does not say anything, "What did they do in your world?"

Clarke is already shaking her head."I don't think this is a good idea, Lexa..."

"Clarke, what did Titus do?"

"Lexa..."

"What did he do?"

"He was the one who killed you," Clarke finally says. "Lexa and I - we both wanted peace, wanted a better world. Everybody else didn't. They were against it. They didn’t want change. Titus particularly. He thought if he eliminated me, everything would be as it had always been. She paid the price for it with her life."

"He tried to kill you?"

Clarke nods.  Lexa takes this in, not saying anything.

"And the others?"

"I don't think I should tell you more," Clarke says now.

"Clarke, please. I need to know. My duty to my people demands it." She looks at Clarke then. "If you care for me at all, or the Lexa of your world..."

Clarke shakes her head. “That’s not fair, Lexa, you can’t demand these things of me.”

Lexa looks at her steadily.

Clarke looks back at her and sighs. "Fine. I can only tell you what happened in my world. You cannot and will not make decisions based on what I say, promise me, Lexa."

Lexa nods. "Alright."

"Nia was your greatest opponent and rival. She had challenged you and died for it," Clarke explains. "Jaha was our chancellor, not yours. He made decisions that cost us a lot of lives. And Diyoza...she was a terrorist prisoner who tried to start a war with the last remaining survivors of earth."

Lexa is silent. "I see." She thinks about this. "Maybe it is not such a good idea then that I know."

Clarke looks at her. "Why?"

Lexa gazes back at her and explains what had happened at the council meeting.

When Lexa finishes, Clarke states, "The more things change, the more they stay the same..."

Lexa nods, thoughtful. "Maybe it's time things change for good."

They each contemplate about this before Clarke remembers something.

"How is my mother?"

Lexa shakes her head. "I am sorry, Clarke. I have not been able to see her since the Square."

Clarke looks at her, stands up and goes to the window, memories of being cooped up in a similar cell coming back to her. In the distance, she can see beyond the blue sky a gathering storm of sand.

"Sandstorm," Lexa notes, standing behind her. "That is common around here." She looks at Clarke then. "Don't be afraid, Clarke. Whatever happens, we will face it together."

Clarke turns around, eyes gleaming defiantly. "We are not dying here."

"What is your plan?"

Clarke says, determinedly, "Taking back your command."

Before Lexa can ask what that means, Raven comes in, Gustus unlocking the cell for her.

"Commander..." Raven says by way of greeting.

"Raven... I'm no longer..."

"Commander, I know. But I don't give a fuck and as far as I know you'll always be my Commander," Raven says in one breath in a no-nonsense tone.

Lexa gives her a small, lopsided smile.

Raven grins back. "Now that we have that out of the way, oh, hello, Raven Reyes, Chief Engineer," she says, when she spots Clarke, grin growing wider as she offers a wave. Her face grows serious. "I heard what happened at the Council Meeting..." When Lexa gives her a questioning look, she waves a hand and says, "Indra told me the main points. Anyway, just so you know I did a sweep of our system and there's no way any of the council members could have hacked into our system."

"How so?"

Raven looks offended. "It's a bad ass system, that's why," she huffs. But then her face falls.

"So we are not just looking at the Council...?"

"The Council just wanted Abby out, but they wouldn't even know how to begin to hack into our system to control both the Nightbloods and the Redbloods..."

"So how did that happen?"

"Inside job, Commander," Raven informs her. "A small virus that's been there forever, meant to activate at just the right time. A parasite piggybacking on the system. I hadn't spotted it before because the code for the virus was similar to the others..."

"But the Nightbloods..."

"They were brainwashed, yes, your guess is as good as mine."

"Sleepers?"

Raven nods. "Activated by that code."

"How is that possible?"

"The older ones could have undergone those brainwashing sessions much longer than the younger ones and would therefore be more susceptible," Raven says. "Remember any strange session you guys may have had when you were still a cadet...?"

Lexa begins to shake her head as she says, "No. There wasn't any. That I recall.”

Raven nods. “I was talking to Monty earlier, and he had been analyzing the Nightblood diet for quite sometime now? He thinks there’s something in the diet that also enhances the Nightbloods even more…”

“Why were we not informed of this?”

Raven shrugs. “Would you and your precious officials have listened to us, though?”

“Fair point,” Lexa concedes.

“Anyway, good thing Monty started experimenting with more organic food and... _worms…_ ” Here Raven involuntary shudders. “And you and some of the others started eating them. That kind of helped neutralize the effects I think.”

Lexa is quiet, thinking about this. Is it possible that someone or some people have been going behind her back and sabotaging the Nightbloods? What was the endgame? Why were they doing this? She goes back to her training and cannot recall any session where someone had attempted to brainwash her or the others. There were these regular sessions called “The Audit Sessions” though, where a device, nodes and wires were attached to Nightbloods and a series of questions were asked. She remembered disliking those sessions as they seemed boring and redundant to a young Nightblood who would much rather do fight training simulations. She recalls this and suddenly realizes something. “Now that I think about it, Titus and the others did have..."

"Funny you mention Titus, Commander, because..."

But before Raven can explain, Titus comes rushing in, Gustus and Indra behind him.Lexa doesn't miss the expression on Raven's face when Titus comes in: suspicion, distrust, doubt. She sees Raven brace herself, as if getting ready to protect her commander from Titus. Lexa feels touched by her involuntary action.

"Heda," Titus whispers with the kind of creepy reverence that always gives Lexa much discomfort.

Lexa faces him. Clarke stands. "What's going on?" Lexa asks.

"We are breaking you out," Titus says. "They were wrong to relieve you of your command, Heda. We will help you take your command back." He hands Lexa a hooded coat. "Here, put this on."

"And the others?" Lexa asks, putting it on.

"There is no time, we must hurry," Titus says.

"Clarke..."

"She will be taken care of..."

"And her child?"

"Her, too, and the man as well."

Lexa stands there, hesitating, not knowing what to do.

"Go," Clarke says. "I can't leave Madi and Bellamy here...I have to stay here."

"I'll help them," Raven offers.

Lexa nods, thanks Raven.

Lexa goes to Clarke then, holds her arm and says, quietly, "I will come back for you. We will meet again."

Clarke nods.

***

In a few minutes they are making their way deep under Terra's grounds, in tunnels built way before Lexa's time.

"The previous prime ministers and commanders were a bit paranoid and wanted an easy way out in case there was an invasion," Titus had explained.

"Where will we be going?" Lexa asks as Titus motions for her to go out of the tunnel and into a waiting hovercraft.

"I have gathered your troops," Titus informs her. "We will take back command of your fleet and the glory of the empire will be restored."

That's when Lexa stops. "Glory of the empire?" She looks at him. “The Empire is gone, Titus, and this is not Earth.”

Titus seems to not have heard her. "I hope your fear of failure and losing will not hold you back now."

Lexa looks at him. "I never told you about my fears in the simulation."

Titus looks at her, trying to look casual.

"It's a common fear," Titus brushes it away with a wave of the hand.

"No one knows what the fears of the Nightbloods are, especially the commander's, lest it be used against them," Lexa continues. "How did you know mine?" She looks at him steadily. "Nobody above me has that kind of clearance."

Titus is shaking his head. "This is utter nonsense, Heda..."

"Did you have something to do with how the Nightbloods behaved last night?"

"Heda...."

"Answer me, Titus!"

Titus is silent.

"They were plotting against you, Heda!" Titus then says. “They needed to be stopped!”

"They?” Lexa asks. She looks at Titus steadily. “People died at the Gathering, Titus," Lexa says now, voice calm and cold, eyes hard and unreadable.

"I'm sorry, but in any war, there will be casualties," Titus says, "Collateral damage."

"They are not just _collateral damage,_ Titus, they are _people_.” Lexa grits her teeth, feeling the rage surge up her gut. She clenches her feet, tries to push her rage down. “Do you know what you have done?”

Titus looks at her with, face devoid of remorse, eyes gleaming with feverish fanaticism. He draws himself up to his full height and says, "I did what I had to do, what should have been done to end this.”

Lexa shakes her head, unable to grasp the depth of Titus’ betrayal. “No, Titus...no…”

“Listen to me, Heda,” Titus says then. “You were created for a purpose. You were meant for greater things."

"Is there no higher or greater purpose than lasting peace? Future generations living without the threat of annihilation?”

Titus huffs out a laugh. “I don’t mean that stupid nonsense about peace. Peace is a lie. War is peace, Heda.”

“What are you saying, Titus?”

"You, Heda, are the product of hundreds of years of experiments, thousands of humans carefully selected and mated, genes spliced and mixed and enhanced, blood studied and tested and improved, meant to withstand everything - diseases, radiation, _everything_ , all imperfection and weakness removed, faster, stronger, _smarter_ , than the average human being. _You_ are the embodiment of perfection, of the Aryan race...”

“I don’t understand, Titus.”

“You were genetically engineered," Titus explains. “Your blood is owned by the Empire, by the Fuhrer. You are special, Heda. You have always been special.  I didn’t think I’d ever live long enough to witness the birth of the Nightblood that will change the course of our history, but I have.” He looks at her with reverence in his eyes. “You are a god, Heda. A _god_.”

Lexa is shaking her head then. “This will not stand,” Lexa says now. “Our commitment is to peace, to democracy.”

Titus smiles. “I love democracy. I love the Republic. But it is time you realize your full potential. Your capacity for greatness. I can help you. We can control the Nightbloods and the Redbloods. Together, we can take back Terra. Conquer new worlds. Restore the Empire.”

“You are insane.”

Titus smiles then. "Maybe I am, but you would be insane to turn your back on your destiny.”

“And what is my destiny, Titus?”

Titus looks at her then and says, matter-of-factly as if this should be obvious to Lexa now, "Why, to usher in the New World Order, Heda."

“And if I refuse?”

Titus just looks at her. Titus says then, bringing out a gun and aiming it at Lexa.

"Are you going to shoot me, Titus?"

"You can't run away from who you are, Commander."

"Apparently I cannot," Lexa says. "But I can change it."

Titus shakes his head. "No, you cannot.  It's in your nature: This urge for death and destruction...It's been genetically engineered into you. You can’t stop it anymore than you can stop a sandstorm.”

Lexa is shaking her head. "No, Titus."

Titus looks at her, as if he has just made a decision. "I'm sorry, Commander."

"Oh my god, you have _so_ got to die," a voice from behind says and they both turn and it's Raven, gun pointed at Titus, Clarke behind her. "Commander, are you okay?"

Lexa nods.

Titus looks at them, irritated and he points the gun at Raven.

Before he pulls the trigger, Raven shoots him on the shoulder, the force of the impact slamming him against the wall, making him pull the trigger. His bullet hits Raven on the leg. Raven howls in pain as she crumples on the floor in a heap.

"Son of a bitch! What the fuck?" Raven says then, pain etched on her face as she holds on to her leg. “You shot me on the fucking leg, you asshole!” A stream of expletives, in Terran and old Earth languages, come out of Raven’s mouth, some unintelligible, some not, but all delivered with passion and rage.

Titus doesn’t speak, clutching at his wounded shoulder and groaning in pain.

Lexa quickly moves then, kicking Titus' gun away. "I trusted you, Titus," Lexa says then, voice broken and defeated. Lexa feels the exhaustion then, so complete and so draining she feels like surrendering to the pain of betrayal.

“Commander, I only wanted what was best…” Titus says then.

Lexa’s rage surges then and she punches him on the face, the force so strong it renders him unconscious, his head slamming against the wall.

“Fuck you, Titus!”Raven shouts then.

Lexa holds up a hand to quiet Raven. She kneels in front of Raven, asks Clarke, "Will she be okay?"

Clarke is leaning over Raven now, ripping part of her shirt to stop the bleeding. “I can stop the bleeding, but she needs help. I can bring her to medical.”

Lexa nods, unsure what to do next.

"Commander, you have to go, now, they'll be looking for you," Raven says, grimacing at the pain. “Fuck,this hurts.”

"Will you be okay?" Lexa asks her.

Raven nods. "Go. We'll be fine. We'll figure things out."

"Clarke..."

"Go, Lexa," Clarke says.

Lexa hesitates, gets into the craft and into the waiting, looming storm on the horizon.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks kick_angel. :-) To everyone else, thanks for the kudos,comments,bookmarks,etc. Since you've gotten this far, here, have some Clexa. :) Happy reading!

 

Clarke and Raven huddles in the tunnel of darkness, Raven trying her best to ignore the pain as they debated what to do, Titus lying motionless by the wall.

"I need to get you to the infirmary," Clarke says now, voice determined. "Can you walk?"

Raven tries but she crumples, groaning and grimacing. "Can't. It hurts so fucking much. Besides, we can't go."

"Why?"

"They'd be looking for you. You just escaped. They'd arrest you."

"I don't care."

"You don't understand."

"What?"

"Without the Commander here to protect you, who knows what the council will do?" Raven says.

"What do you mean?"

"They could execute you."

***

So Clarke and Raven sit hunched in the relative darkness, undecided. At one point, when they see Titus stirring, Clarke picks up the gun and hits him again on the head. Raven grins.

Eventually their decision is made for them when they see lights flashing at the other end of the tunnel.

Clarke mutters something under her breath, aims the gun, hands shaking, in the darkness.

"Oh, fuck," Raven mutters.

But as the lights near, and they emerge in the darkness, it is Lincoln, Octavia, Niylah, Bellamy, Madi and Monty.

***

"Oh, my god, we almost shot you," Raven says.

Niylah rushes to her and quickly assesses her.

Madi rushes to Clarke and engulfs her in a tight embrace.

"Madi," Clarke says, surge of affection for her child rushing towards her.

"Clarke, I can't breathe," Madi complains but she hugs Clarke as tightly.

"Bellamy," Clarke nods towards him.

Bellamy is still too dazed, stealing glances at this version of his sister.

"Hate to break this reunion up but we've got to go,"Lincoln says grimly. "Council's going to execute you guys at noon. You're to be made an example." He turns to Raven. "You need to go, too. They're looking for the person who broke them out. And Octavia can't stay, she's close to the Commander - she's going to get in trouble whether she had a hand in it or not. Monty and I are staying. Be your eyes and ears."

"What about him?" Raven points to Titus.

"We'll take care of him," Monty says.

"Where are we going?"

"Find the Commander," Octavia says. "She couldn't have gone far. She's tough and she could've survived the storm. But if she stays out there too long she's not going to survive very long. We need her now more than ever."

"How do we track her?" Clarke asks.

"Tracking device," Raven answers. "Hopefully it still works."

"But...then the Council will be able to track you guys, too," Clarke points out. "You've got chips, too, right?"

Raven shakes her head. "No. Chips can't be tracked that far from the Council."

"We have satellites, Raven," Octavia says. "Did you forget that?"

Raven shakes her head. "Nope. I just shut down our chips so they can't track us. It'll take them days to figure out without the Chief Engineer around."

"Okay, I take it back. You're a genius."

"I know, Octavia, I know,"Raven says, smug look on her face. "We can track Lexa on the bracelet I gave her."

"I've got a hovercraft - the AllVee - waiting for you but you've got to be careful, military's got orders to shoot down anything that comes or goes," Lincoln warns.

"Exciting prospect," Bellamy mutters.

"It's not going to be as fast as a jet and it's going to be hell going through sand but it has a cloaking device that will make it easier for you to go undetected," Lincoln continues.

"The shields?" Octavia asks.

"This quadrant is open. Raven taught me how," Lincoln says to Raven's grin. "But it's going to close soon. Go now."

As Niylah and Octavia go to help Raven get up, Lincoln goes to Octavia and Niylah.

"Be careful," Lincoln says then.

Niylah hugs him with one arm. "Thank you," she murmurs shyly.

Octavia nods in agreement, grateful. "Thanks, Lincoln."

Lincoln nods. "Go."

Everyone then turns to look at the sandstorm at the end of the tunnel.

"Fuck," Raven says. "We're fucked if we don't. And we're fucked if we do."

Octavia takes a deep breath. "Here we go..."

***

 

A massive wall of sand, whirling and  howling and rumbling slowly approaches the city. Lexa knows the city is protected by a shield but out of habit people have gone indoors. Sandstorms are common in Terra and people are used to it. She knows they wouldn't come looking for her in this weather. It would be too dangerous, pointess. It would be suicide.

She looks at the sandstorm grimly and flies right into it, like a fly entering a storm.

***

Lexa had loved the war games and the simulations.

She particularly loved the games they were given on small game tablets the first time she started at the academy, eleven years old and full of childish energy - a tablet of varied computer war games that's meant and designed, she realizes later on, not just to improve a future Nightblood soldier's hand eye coordination but test and improve their mental agility as well. She would find out later she scored better than all the other Nightbloods that came before or after, that her ability to strategize, even in something as simple as the computer games, all based purely on natural instinct, had been something unheard of. She finds it all easy though. Games are patterns. Crack the pattern, crack the code, win the game, game over.

Game Over is her favorite part of playing computer games - the split second right before she realizes she has either won or lost the game. The split second when she realizes she's about to die. Different people - other Nightbloods and certainly the Redbloods - react in different ways. Some swear and rage. Some sigh or gasp. Some scream. But Lexa does none of these things. When she plays and she realizes the game is over, she takes a deep breath, feels like she is slowly detaching herself, as if she is floating away, as if she has accessed  a part of herself that will shield her from the loss. It is at this moment - of acceptance and resignation - that she knows the games tap into something pure and beyond affectation. Something primal.

She thinks about this now as she meets the wall of sand, knowing that she may die, that she could almost certainly die. Game over.

And yet, as the sand slams into her craft, and swallows her into it, and the dust swirls around her and throws her around inside like a rag doll she feels something akin to that same resignation, acceptance, understanding. And suddenly an overwhelming sensation washes over her, that of relief, of letting go. She is suddenly sick of always bearing the weight of responsibility on her shoulders. She is suddenly sick of this. Of all of this. She doesn't want to be this genetically engineered super soldier designed to conquer and colonize worlds, to build empires, to subjugate people. She couldn't have been built for that purpose, could she? Has she been living a lie all this time? Her whole life a lie? Meaningless and pointless? She couldn't have been training all her life to maintain the peace only to realize that her sole purpose is to war? She suddenly feels so tiny, miniscule in this storm. Insignificant. Worthless. A person with no discernible purpose living a pointless life. Suddenly the oblivion at the end of this storm seems appealing. The storm chews her up and spits her out and as the craft is thrown on the sand, falling from the sky,  hundreds of miles away from the city, the only concrete thing in her mind is the lingering image of blonde hair and blue eyes, blue eyes that seem to glow, blue with so many flecks of gold and that deep regret that maybe she would never see her again.

 

***

" _ You are different from my...the Lexa from my time, and yet in so many ways you are exactly the same... _ "

" _ We are what we ar _ e..."

" _ Why are you being difficult about this?" _

_ "Why are you doing this at all?" _

_ "I'm doing this to protect you _ ..."

_ "You care for your people..." _

_ "I care for you, too, Clarke..." _

_ "You were created for a purpose...for greater things...you are the embodiment of perfection...usher in the New World Order..." _

_ "Let the past die." _

_ "You can't run away from who you are..." _

_ *** _

Sand. Swirling sand. Blue sky. Hot wind. The ground rushing up to meet her. The taste of her own blood, of sweat and dust, taste of rust and salt and grit. Blood pounding in her ears. Tightness in her face. She sees red. Thinks maybe she is dying. After the red, comes the white light. All the books say this. A white light at the end of the tunnel. Death is not the end.

The last thing she sees before darkness comes and claims her is a pinprick of blue sky.

***

Candelight. Shadows on the wall. Hushed tones. Figures huddled in the darkness. Her head feels light. She feels as if it will float off her shoulders. The ceiling, the world is spinning slowly and it makes her dizzy, nauseated, faint.

She sees blurry images. Bodies strewn on the ground. Redbloods and Nightbloods. Blood flowing like a river. Screams. The Council of the Five. Surrounding her, looming large over her. Titus. Titus covered in blood. Coming for everyone. The rage overwhelms her. She has failed her people. Failed each and everyone of them. Failed Clarke. 

She sweats and sighs. Wax runs down the candle. A worm falls on her, lands on her blanket, by her legs. Blanket? She picks up the worm. Stares at it. Tries to speak. Feels like cotton in her mouth. Pain. Pain washing over her. Every inch of her in pain. Her tongue feels thick. She feels as if part of her skull has fallen away and its contents streaming or expanding like vapor. She feels like she's drifting somewhere in outer space. Stars. She could see stars. Flecks of stars on blue. So many stars. The worm wriggles in her fingers.

In the orange candlelight she sees movement. Shadows. Her arm suddenly feels heavy and she drops it on the side of the bed, the worm wriggling free. She touches her head and she sees blood. She doesn't comprehend at first. Whose blood is it? The blood of all the Redbloods and Nightbloods she had allowed to die. Raven's blood. The Hundred's blood. Clarke. Clarke will die if she doesn't go back. She has blood on her hands.

"No, it's not," a voice, like an echo, coming from somewhere far away, says. "That's your own blood, Lexa..."

"But..."

"You hurt it when you fell from the sky..."

"Clarke..."

"Rest, now, Lexa...you are running a fever...sleep...close your eyes..."

The voice. It sounds familiar. She hadn't heard that voice in awhile. She must be dreaming. 

She is dreaming.

Or dead.

***

Cold _. _ She feels cold. And hot. At the same time. She shivers. She burns. The candle flame falters, melting wax waning. Shadows thrown on the walls. Silhouettes. A tall frame with hanging claws and pencil arms.

"Lexa, you need to rest."

She couldn't rest. Couldn't rest. She'd failed her people. Failed everyone. Failed Clarke. Her whole life is a lie. A fucking lie. What is truth? What is real? 

She should have been with Clarke. Should be with Clarke. She should have asked her to describe Earth. Asked her what Earth was like. Describe what trees and flowers and plants were like. Asked her what it feels like to see the ocean. The smell of the ocean. The feel of the ocean on her skin. The feel of Clarke on her skin. Her touch on Lexa's skin. Electric. The taste of her. The smell of her.

She almost laughs. Suspects Clarke has done an irreversible change on her the first time she sees her. The certainty that nothing would ever be the same again. That in Clarke's blue eyes is a whole new world Lexa wants to explore. 

_ Tell me about the ocean, Clarke...tell me about the ocean...is it as blue as your eyes? Is it equally as beautiful?   _

She tries to picture Clarke but the image keeps shifting. Keeps changing.

And as the small aircraft had slammed nose down at the sand, she’d realized clear as day, a strange truth: she doesn't want Clarke to leave. She wants her to stay. Even more surprising, she thinks she might actually mean more to Lexa than she realizes.

Maybe if she sees her, sees her one more time, maybe she would feel better. Clarke and her blonde hair. Her fair skin. She is like the sun. She  _ is _ the sun.

She feels regret at not having spent more time with Clarke. She'd just found her. 

Or maybe Clarke found her.

If she could stop the world and restart life, put the clock back, she would.

Lexa isn't perfect.

Clarke is.

_ Clarke is. _

*** 

She wakes up at the first glimmer of dawn. Or what she thinks is dawn. There's a morning breeze, a freshness that only a new morning could bring. She shivers in the cold. It's pitch black and she's surrounded by darkness, candle light dying by her table. She looks around. Rock walls. Rock ceilings. Rock floor. Rock shelf on the wall big enough for someone to sit in. What she thought before was a room is actually a cave, cold and dank but clean, the mouth of the cave covered by a crude door. The bed is on the ground, crudely made, and she can feel the rocks beneath her, pushing at her skin. Her hand shoots up, feels a bandage wound around her head, she looks at her hand, can make out a bandage on her arm, and the tightness on her torso means there is one wrapped there as well. She notices for the first time how her knuckles ache, realizes they've split open. She'd punched skin and bone and ground and her knuckles ache. Her legs, her feet ache. And her head throbs. Her body hurts so much it feels like it would cave in. So a Nightblood body has its limits after all, she thinks bitterly. Like a mummy, in one of those digital images she's seen of Ancient Earth, the ancient of the ancients of Earth. Like a mummy. Preserved and dying or dead. She drifts of to sleep.

***

What a way to die though, she thinks.

Not on the battlefield. But on a fucking bed of rock and sand. Her life ending.

Then a voice. Familiar. Blonde hair. Blue eyes.

_ Ending? It can't end now... _

_ Can't? _

_ I won't let you die. Can't. Think how it ought to end. _

_ Ought to... _

_ Not giving up without a fight. _

_ Yes. _

_ That's it. _

_ Put up a fight. _

*** 

The next time she wakes up it is brighter, candles illuminating the cave.

A woman sits cross-legged on her left, eyes closed, long arms resting on her side, palms resting flat on her knees, back rigid straight, unmoving, posture perfect, a true soldier. A familiar tattoo snakes from one arm. Most of the soldiers, Nightbloods and Redbloods alike, including Lexa, sported tattoos, a way to mark themselves as soldiers, a way to establish camaraderie and brotherhood. It is a rite of passage as much as a way for the soldiers to mark themselves, to declare to the world that they are part of an exclusive group. One of them. The woman is dressed in what appears to be rags, a haphazard array of discarded cloth thrown over her. Her hair is blonde and flowing from her shoulders and back, perfect face long and flat, cheekbones prominent and high, every bone in her body seemingly visible. Judging from how she sits, Lexa knows she is tall. Even with her eyes closed, Lexa would recognize her everywhere.

"Anya...?"

***

"Finish it, Lexa," Anya says now, looking pointedly at the bowl Lexa held shakily in her hands, a bowl of something hot and liquid, that made Lexa's stomach growl and churn at the same time.

Lexa feels weak, has never felt this weak before. She feels faint, her body feeling rubbery. Later, Anya tells her her craft had crashed on sand, miles from the cave, that it had been a miracle she'd survived at all. 

"Finish all of it," Anya orders, as if she is still Lexa's mentor.

Lexa tries to lift the bowl to her mouth, but the smell of wax and rust and sweetness makes her nauseated. 

"I can't, Anya," she says, putting the bowl on the ground.

"You must, Lexa."

"I will throw up."

"You must," Anya insists, voice low and stern, insistent, the voice of authority, eyes glittering in the candlelight.

Lexa shakes her head. "I cannot."

"It is good for you."

She holds up the bowl again and holds it up for Anya to see across the blood-stained sheets.

Anya nods then, takes the bowl from her, lays it beside her. She studies Lexa, and Lexa returns the look, still marvelling at being able to see Anya. Then, a slow grin spreads on Anya's face.

"How have you been, Lexa?"

***

Anya and Lexa sit across each other in a tense silence. Lexa is still in bed, still feeling feverish, dizzy and nauseated. Anya sits on the ground watching her. Years of pent up emotion and unanswered questions, Lexa's sense of betrayal at her mentor abandoning her, at Anya's silence, bubbling to the surface. 

"You look like shit," Anya says then. She suddenly laughs and the tension is broken.

"Fuck you," Lexa says in one of those rare occasions when she uses expletives. 

That just makes Anya laugh harder.

Despite herself, Lexa smiles her small smile, head still pounding. "It's good to see you, Seda."

"Good to see you, too, grasshopper," Anya says affectionately calling her an Old Earth nickname she'd picked up from one of her books.

"You should rest, Lexa," Anya says then. "There will be time enough for talk later."

This is punctuated by silence then and Lexa closes her eyes, slipping into unconsciousness. 

***

Lexa is still running a fever, drifting in and out of sleep, still weak and dizzy.

She still dreams. 

Dreams of blonde hair and blue eyes.

She sees shadows shift in the dull candlelight. Senses someone approaching. A warm hand on her forehead. As if on instinct, she recoils, attempts to defend herself. But she is boneless, strong, muscled arms not as quick, fists not quick to curl and punch. A warm hand on her thigh. On her cheek.

"It's okay, you're safe..."

"Clarke..."

She feels someone tuck the blanket over her body. "There now. Close your eyes."

The light and shadow disappear, a figure looms over. She closes her eyes. 

She feels a gentle, lingering kiss on her forehead.

"Get well, soon, Lexa."

***

Too cold. Too hot. She scratches at the blanket. Pushes it away. Scratches at her clothes. It itches. Worms on the bed. Blood. Black blood spreading on the bed.

"I am dreaming," she says out loud as she would say it in the simulation. That usually does the trick. She closes her eyes. Opens then. She still feels hot and cold but the worms and blood are gone.

"Lexa, you still have a fever...you think you can try to go back to sleep?"

Lexa screws up her eyes, tries to focus. Hazy. Blurry. World spinning.

"I don't know," she murmurs.

"You should put the covers back. You'll catch your death."

Lexa huffs. "Death is not the end."

An irritated sound. "I won't just sit here and watch you  _ die _ ."

Lexa nods weakly. She wipes her forehead with a hand. "Is it the Plague?"

"Nervous exhaustion, more like," the voice says. "Sleep now..."

"Clarke," Lexa says. "I shouldn't have left her there. Should've taken her here. With the child...must protect them. Must protect them all."

"Ssshhh..."

"I'm sorry, Clarke..."

"It's okay."

"I never meant to abandon you. I would never..."

"Clarke..."

"What do you want?"

"I want Clarke..."

Darkness.

***

Faces. Faces swimming in and out of her consciousness. In darkness and shadow, she sees the hazy, blurry outlines of Raven's face, Octavia's, Niylah's...

Raven? Octavia? Niylah?

"Commander..." one of them says. "Hang in there." 

Now she knows she's well and truly fucked.

***

Morning. Or afternoon. Or it could be evening. Hard to tell in the darkness and candlelight. 

Anya is waiting for her, cross-legged.

Lexa smiles at her. Anya smiles back.

Anya begins by asking, "What happened?"

And it all comes spilling out, The Gathering, the Nightbloods turning against the Redbloods, the Redbloods attacking the Nightbloods, the Council ousting Abby and Lexa, Titus' betrayal, her own escape.

Anya listens carefully, attentively, asking for clarifications where necessary, unmoving, eyes alert, unsurprised by Lexa's revelations, as if she expected it.

"The Nightbloods and Redbloods here, were they affected?" Lexa asks.

Anya shakes her head, turns, lifts her hair to show a scar behind her ear. 

"Any Redblood or Nightblood who gets here has the option to take out the chip," Anya says. "Had mine taken out the second I got here. You should think about taking it out, too." She smiles then. 

Lexa nods. Taking it all in. She doesn't know what to think. The chip had been there her whole life. In a way it is as much a part of her as anything else. Removing it would feel like cutting off a part of her, an essential part and it would feel like something would be missing. Yet she sees the easy freedom Anya seems to have, having no chip inside her and she feels something akin to envy. Freedom. It would feel liberating somehow she knows.

Presently she says, realizing Anya had taken news about Terran upheaval so normally, "You're not surprised."

Anya shakes her head. "I suspected something was amiss but I wasn't sure...the minute Abby came to power after the Hundred's death, I knew something would change."

"Why?"

"I suspected the Hundred's death was not an accident."

"What do you mean?"

"I suspected it was an old Earth practice, the Culling they called it, to balance the population. Whenever it would seem the population would come to the breaking point, a mysterious plague would hit and all is well again, the population in balance, resources again enough for everybody."

"That's ridiculous..."

"It's entirely not. You've seen how your precious Terra works," Anya says. "How far they would go to preserve the status quo...."

"They were children," Lexa says.

"They were collateral damage, I was told," Anya says. "I have lived with that knowledge my whole life."

"Does Abby know?"

Anya shakes her head. "It would have been a bloody civil war. And where would that have taken us? Right back to where we started. No. Keeping the peace was of paramount importance."

"Did you know the truth about the Nightbloods?"

Anya shakes her head. "No. But I suspected something was up. Titus was overzealous enough as it is." She looks at Lexa then. "I'm sorry Lexa that I had to leave. I had to look for answers."

"And did you find them?"

"Not all," Anya says. "The rest you already know. This place, this is where those opposed to Terra went. They wanted to live freely. They knew about the Nightbloods and wanted no part of it. But they kept watch waiting to see what would happen." 

"Nightbloods had been sent off Earth in expeditions, Redbloods coming along to help colonize worlds," Anya says. "Nightbloods would search for habitable worlds, with enough resources that they can be exploited, mined for all their worth."

"Hythylodium," Lexa says. The very same mineral that powers Terra. Converted, it releases energy more powerful than the nuclear energy of Old Earth. Harnessed by the Terran engineers and obtained through fission and fusion it generates electricity and power enough to last a lifetime of Terrans. 

Anya nods."This world has enough of it that it could power the next incarnation of the Old Earth empire. If the old Earth Empire had gotten hold of it, it would not only keep itself in power for generations to come, it would keep everyone in chains, keep the Forever War raging into eternity, the Empire could wage wars in new worlds, destroy worlds, destroy universes." She looks at Lexa then. "That's how it all started. Truth kept from the next generations. Chips to control everybody. But somewhere along the way, we seem to have lost our way..."

"How do you know all this?"

Anya extends a closed fist, opens it to reveal a chip, small as a stone, an infinity symbol.

"Alie," Lexa says.

"Version 1.0," Anya says. She presses it and a hologram appears, a universe of stars suddenly illuminating the cave and then a familiar voice, Alie, speaking, talking about the history of Old Earth. 

It's a familiar history, but also different.

"I thought this version had been destroyed..." Lexa says.

"I thought so, too."

"How did you come across it?"

"The first commander," Anya explains then. "She'd wanted the truth to be passed down, one flamekeeper to the next, but she worried the truth would be twisted in the telling. They created a story about the Badlands. There is another Keeper here, the one who protects it. She tells the story to anyone who would listen, shows them what's inside Alie."

Later she meets the Keeper, she's young, has blonde hair and caramel skin, eyes intelligent and alert.

At the end of Anya's story, Lexa sits, the feeling of betrayal, confusion, uncertainty, as of a crisis, of not knowing what to believe anymore, complete.

Anya reaches out, face serious. "Lexa...you can't blame yourself for what happened. You couldn't have known."

Lexa shakes her head. "I do not know what to think anymore." 

"What are you going to do now?"Anya asks Lexa.

Lexa shakes her head. "I don't know."

A silence hangs on both of them then before they hear someone knock on the door. A person appears, the first time Lexa sees someone other than Anya. She and Anya speak in hushed, hurried tones and the woman leaves after. Anya then turns to Lexa and says, "There's someone here to see you."

Lexa tries to get up but Anya shakes her head. "Don't even try. Your mate will kill me. Soon as she got here she wanted to see you. Wouldn’t leave your side. Nearly as crazy as you, braving that fucking sandstorm. I like her already. Brought me a surprise, too. Raven can still punch like a fucking motherfucker. The Badlands becoming a popular destination nowadays?"

"Mate? I don't have a mate..."

Anya laughs. "Nightbloods have been engineered to find their mates. Something to do with helping them live longer. And your mate senses you, too. Seeks you out." When Lexa gives her a questioning look, "I guess you give out a specific scent or something that only the mate you're meant to be with can sense. She wouldn't be able to help it anymore than you can."

"I think Nightbloods are supposed to find other Nightbloods to mate with, but your genes have evolved. Why do you think we have the Gathering and the Culling? The early Terrans did not want Terra to be overpopulated and overrun by genetically superior Nightbloods out for war. So on a pretext of state-sponsored mate selection and  forced marriage, the Gathering was created. This meant the Nightblood population can be controlled. Ever wondered why your population has always been at a steady five percent? You are faster and stronger and smarter because I suspect you come from a long line of Nightblood on Nightblood mating. If you'd been mated with a Redblood then your offspring wouldn't be as strong or fast or smart." When Lexa just stares at her, Anya nods. "I know. It's fucked up. But the truth shall set you free."

"Anyway, you kept asking for her when you were delirious and feverish," Anya says. She smiles. "I actually already knew her before I even meet her."

Another knock on the door. Anya opens it wide and a woman steps in.

"Lexa...?"

"Clarke..."

***

Lexa takes in Clarke's appearance, the halo her blonde hair forms around her head, the confidence in her stance, her posture, her eyes, watchful and alert, relieved and fearful.

Clarke pauses, uncertain, hears the door close behind her. Lexa only watches her. There is a nervous, uncertain tension between them. Finally, Clarke slowly approaches, closes the distance.

"Hey,"she whispers then, voice gentle, and Lexa almost thinks she hears it, a tenderness in it, an affection. "How are you feeling?"

Lexa lets out a deep breath. "I have been better. But I think I will be fine."

Clarke searches her face, concern etched in those eyes. "I thought we'd lost you...out in the desert... The sandstorm...the fever..."

Lexa half-smiles. "It's going to take more than a sandstorm and a fever to bring me down..."

Clarke slowly nods. As she slowly finds out more about the Nightbloods in this world, she realizes this is true. But Lexa looks battered, exhausted - bruises and welts all over her face and arms. Thankfully, the swelling has gone down and the bruises seem to be healing. She tentatively reaches out a hand and rests the palm of her hand on Lexa's forehead. Lexa's skin is warm, but not feverish. Lexa leans into her palm, closes her eyes. Clarke doesn't miss the relief in her eyes and a the small sigh that exhales from her body. Clarke quietly inspects Lexa's arms, taut muscles lined with bruises. She sees they are slowly fading. She holds Lexa's hands, looks at her knuckles, sees where the skin has split open. She'd seen how Lexa fights, seen how she hits, seen how her fights are taking their toll on her body.

"How are you  _ really _ feeling?" Clarke asks then.

Lexa's eyes are shining with unshed tears. Clarke later realizes Lexa cannot cry like a regular human being, Nightbloods trained to deal with emotions differently, but her voice is thick, voice on the verge of breaking. Lexa pulls away one hand, runs it on her hair, a gesture so normal it makes her look younger. Her other hand stays in Clarke's and Clarke just holds her, warm and comforting.

"I do not really know," Lexa murmurs now. "One minute I thought I was just this ordinary person living an ordinary life, the next minute I'm...part of a group of genetically engineered super soldiers designed for war and destruction."

"It's a lot to take in,"Clarke says.

"I don't..." Lexa begins. "I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know  _ what _ I am. Take away my command, the fleet, Terra, who am I?"

"Lexa, you don't need to beat yourself up over this..."

Lexa shakes her head. "I was trained my whole life to be one thing, Clarke." She stares at Clarke's hand then, warm against hers. "Now I find out I have been training for a completely different thing. That I am an instrument for war."

Clarke holds both her hands then. "Listen to me." 

Lexa looks at her then, green eyes lost but also hopeful and expectant. Clarke has a fleeting thought that she would give anything to see those eyes glow with joy again. Lexa waits.

"You are Lexa Com Trikru," Clarke says firmly. "Commander of the Terran Fleet. You come from a long line of Nightblood warriors... You are not your past. You are not defined by it. The past cannot be forgotten. But it doesn't have to dictate your future."

Lexa looks at her then, searches her blue eyes for the truth in them, seems to find it and nods. 

"The worst has happened," Clarke says. "The best is yet to come."

Lexa nods. "I hope so."

Clarke smiles. "I know so."

"How'd you even get here?"

***

It had taken Clarke and the others forever to navigate the sand dunes of Terra. With the sandstorm, the wind, the constant sand and dust and grit, the threat of being discovered, of their vehicle breaking down, it took Octavia, the one who knew the most about how to drive it, ages to even put miles between the city and them. Once they got out of the city, everyone could rest easily but not before getting out of the sandstorm, too.

The AllVee is an all-terrain vehicle, built like a truck, and built to withstand anything thrown at it. It is powered by hythylodium - which, according to Raven, powers everything, a clean, safe, sustainable energy source that could sustain generations of Terrans. The AllVee is sturdy and even as the sandstorm hits, they were able to stop and the vehicle had secured itself into the sand, the storm unable to move it. Everyone had been quiet as the vehicle shuddered and shook as it took a beating from the storm. Once the storm is done, they resume the trip. The  travelling is interminably slow but with Raven doing maintenance checks and Octavia driving they finally put some distance between them and Terra.

Raven is chatty, Octavia appropriately surly and Niylah quiet and observant but what she can discern is a mutual respect they all have for each other and what would seem like undying devotion to their Commander. Madi watches them all in fascination and awe.

"She used to defend me against bullies when I was a kid," Raven had said, affection in her voice. "Nobody would dare mess with you when your friends with the future badass Commander. Plus even then she could beat people up with her bare hands. It's why she rarely fights if she can avoid it. She knows if she lets go she'll end up killing someone."

She finds out Lexa had helped Octavia when she lost her brother to the plague. Bellamy stares at her, wanting to say something, but Clarke shakes her head and Bellamy shuts his mouth.

Niylah only stares at Clarke, contemplating, not saying anything. Octavia had put a protective arm around her and Clarke had understood then. There were a few times Niylah had wanted to ask her a question but decided against it. Once though, when they get to the Badlands, Niylah finally ventures a question.

"I feel like I know you," Niylah says then. "Or like I  _ should _ know you."

Clarke had blushed then.

"Do I know you?" Niylah asks in that gentle way she does.

Clarke shakes her head, her blush growing deeper.

Niylah nods, still perplexed. Smiles an unsure smile.

"You are the Commander's..." Niylah says then, as a statement. "Your hers..."

"I'm no..." Clarke begins to deny it. But then she stops and nods. "Yes," she says quietly and she realizes as she says it the truth and certainty of it. It feels liberating somehow.

Niylah nods and smiles. "That is good. The Commander deserves to be happy."

***

The only one who doesn't seem happy with any of this is Bellamy.

"What are we doing here, Clarke?" Bellamy had asked, out of earshot of the others when they are in the AllVee.

"What are you talking about?"

"We're going to rescue Lexa aren't we?"

Clarke shakes her head. "We're escaping. We need to get away from the city."

"We should be trying to find a way home."

"Well, we can't exactly do that right now, can we?" Clarke snaps. 

Bellamy is surprised. The others look in their direction.

Clarke lowers her voice. "At the moment we have no choice and unless some magical cosmic miracle or blackhole appears now, we're stuck here."

"You're doing it again."

"Doing what again?"

Bellamy gestures around them and then at her. "This. All this. You're aligning yourself again with Lexa..."

"What are you talking about?"

"I may not know how parallel universes work, Clarke, but have you forgotten that time you made a deal with Lexa at Mt. Weather and she betrayed you and left us all to die and forced us to kill everyone who trusted us?"

"Bellamy..."

"This Lexa wouldn't be different from the one in our world, Clarke."

"You don't know that, Bell."

"She's  _ dead _ , Clarke."

Clarke surprises both herself and Bellamy when she slaps him. "I know that."

Bellamy looks at her, a wounded, hurt look on his face. "You can't just pick up where you left off with the Lexa in our world and assume it's going to be okay with the Lexa in this world. She's gone, Clarke and you have to accept that."

Clarke refuses to look at him, afraid she might cry. Deep in her heart she knows he might be right.

"We don't belong here, Clarke," Bellamy says. "We belong with our own families. Back on Eligius. With Abby and Madi and Octavia and Echo and the others. I hope you don't forget that."

Clarke stomps away unable to say anything. But how can she say that sometimes she feels like she belongs here more than in her world?

***

After a long, arduous, sand-encrusted journey, they make it to what appears to be the end of the sand dunes. The city is hundreds of miles away then. It cannot be seen anymore. 

Clarke can see that it isn't actually a purely desert planet. At the edge of the sand dunes are rock cliffs, rocky valleys, dry, empty river beds, crags and dried, dead trees.

"The Badlands," Raven says then.

The wind is howling then. They shiver. The twin suns have set a long time ago and it is nighttime, she thinks midnight, dark and cold, as deserts go. Stars have appeared in the sky, none of the constellations familiar to Clarke. Madi holds her hand, squeezes. Clarke squeezes back.

Suddenly, lights appear before them and Raven and Octavia take out their guns, Octavia instinctively pushing Niylah and Raven back. Clarke gently shoves Madi back. Bellamy comes to take a look.

"What the fuck are we going to do?" Raven mutters now. 

"Ssshh," Octavia says. "Wait."

As the light comes nearer, Clarke's heart starts to beat fast, so fast she can hear the pounding in her ears.

Finally the figures emerge, all dressed in the kind of dark, shabby clothes the Grounders wore, torches high above them. They are led by a tall, exotic looking, willowy woman with blonde hair,  small eyes and high cheekbones and Clarke almost gasps.

Raven beats her to it. She takes a few steps forward then, hobbles on a makeshift staff Octavia made for her and she peers in the darkness.

"Anya?"

The surprise on Raven's face is mirrored by the surprise on Anya's face. "Raven?"

Anya slowly and carefully walks forward in the sand. Raven meets her halfway. Everyone else stares, transfixed.

When Raven is right in front of Anya, she looks up, stares at her, says nothing for a few seconds, then promptly hits her.

***

That had been days ago. 

A huge fight had erupted after, in which Raven had thrown insults and threats and screams in different languages at Anya and Anya had calmly accepted each one with resignation and defeat. Anya's people watch with amused, bemused looks on their faces, but no one makes a move to break up the fight. But then Raven calms down and just sobs on Anya's chest and Anya engulfs her in an embrace, leaning down and burying her face in Raven's neck. It is such an intimate gesture everyone looks away, embarrassed to have witnessed such a scene. The crowd, realizing by how Anya treats them that they are no threat, disperse and retreat to the cliffs, and enter what Clarke now realizes are caves. 

Anya holds Raven's hand then, and gestures for everyone to follow.

***

She'd found Lexa then, delirious and calling out her name. Seeing her drenched in sweat, fighting the pain as any Nightblood might, her heart seizes, that surge of affection coming to her again.

She is amazed at how easily she fits in here, everyone accepting her as no one else, save for Lexa, has in her world. Anya letting her stay with Lexa, seems like the most natural thing in the world, Anya only ordering her to go to sleep when she sees the exhaustion and dark circles under her eyes. Madi integrates well with the others as well. She finds children her own age, Nightblood and Redblood alike, and they gather by the mouth of the cave, squatting, swapping stories, or outside, in the morning, playing, when it is not too hot, kicking what appears to be a ball around and around until someone is able to shoot it against the opponents' line, marked by hastily stacked slabs of rock. "Football" Madi says is the name of the game, as it was once played on Old Earth. Clarke knows this game but hadn't had the chance to teach it to Madi. There are a number of other games Madi is taught, games with sticks that involve hitting balls thrown at her from the air, or flat slabs of rock being pushed on the ground, or rocks being hit by other rocks or large squares drawn on the ground and rocks kicked around the squares while hopping on one foot. The other children know a lot of games and Madi, who had never had the chance to play, to be a child, thrust as she was into a world recovering from Praimfaya, demanding a new Commander, is delighted to just be a child here, no burden of leadership on her small shoulders. In a few days, she is laughing and joking and talking to Raven and Octavia and Niylah and even Anya as if she'd known them her whole life, talking to them in that easy way she'd never seen her talk to them in their own world. She's comfortable here, Clarke realizes then. And when she sees her smile more and more, she slowly realizes that Madi is happy. At night just before they sleep Madi happily recounts the day's events and it lulls Clarke to sleep.

Only Bellamy stays away, surly and moody, refusing to integrate with the others. She knows he doesn't want to get involved, to get attached. Some day they will leave and it is easier to leave if one has no attachments. Each time he looks at Clarke, he looks with accusation and hurt and Clarke is at a loss for words. They are drifting apart, she knows, but she wonders how it is that they became close in the first place.

***

One day, she hears Madi speak Trigedasleng and realizes then why the language is so different and so familiar to her ears. There some familiar words from the Trigedasleng of her own world, but the language here itself is an amalgamation of the different languages of Old Earth - born, she thinks, from the Terrans' ancestors having originally been from different countries and races. She realizes that when Raven speaks she speaks old Earth words: Spanish words mixed with French, Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Greek and Malay. She feels a wave of nostalgia then. For the Old Earth that they can no longer go back to. And the Old Earth that will never be.

***

She nurses Lexa back to health, with soup and water and when she is better, bread. They talk, about nothing and everything, idly passing the days with idle chatter, skirting around the issue of Terra, the Council, Titus and his New World Order, Clarke and her eventual departure and who they are to each other. They have been granted a reprieve and they are taking it, enjoying what momentary peace it gives.

When Lexa is feeling stronger, Clarke helps her up and they hobble out of the room, laboriously, painfully, Lexa leaning on Clarke for support, grimacing from the pain, but never complaining, always powering through the pain. Terran soldiers, and Nightbloods in particular, never complain, are expected to accept everything that came their way. Even as beads of sweat form on her forehead, shivering and exhausted, she never complains. But it is worth it when they emerge from the caves and into the early morning light and everyone stops, Madi and the other children playing, Anya who is holding Raven's hand, Octavia, Niylah, and some of the others, look at Lexa and smile and applaud and some come to talk and congratulate and laugh with her, calling her Heda or Commander and  Lexa talks and laughs with them in that easy way she does, as she tries to stand on her own, one hand resting on the small of Clarke's back.

***

The caves are intricate, complicated connected by natural and artificial tunnels. All the caves are functional, some for sleeping, some for storage, some for meetings, some for eating. Far off were for washing and cooking. The more she sees, the more Clarke marvels. The caves, this part of the Badlands are organized. Nothing random, everything calculated.

Once, she'd asked Anya what they were storing and Anya had said food, supplies, ammunition, but mostly food.

Outside the caves, Anya had pointed at the horizon, angry clouds forming. First, the sandstorms, she says, then the thunder and lightning storms then the rains. The rains come, and with it floods and mud and more rain and food needs to be stored so everyone can be fed and no one starves. Clarke learns then that rains come after a period of ten to fifteen years, that the rest of the time it is sun and sandstorms. 

Routines develop quickly, people waking up early to do chores: cook, clean, wash, pray or as in the case of Anya and Octavia and some of the others, do recon or in the children's case, play and learn, with teachers teaching them. They would eat breakfast and dinner, gather around the mouth of the cave and talk. Sometimes someone would drag a drum and start drumming a beat on it, then another would start stomping their feet, another would clap their hands, people join in, a voice starts to sing and before they know it a rhythm, a nameless song, upbeat and happy is born and someone brings out the smoke and Niylah would get up and start to dance. Seconds later, she's pulling Octavia on her feet and Raven is standing up and dancing and pulling a reluctant Anya to her feet, who doesn't actually dance so much as sway from side to side as she holds Raven from behind, resting a chin on her shoulder, hands lightly on her hips before slowly wrapping her arms around Raven. Then the others join and dance and Clarke watches them and smiles, heart pounding in rhythm to the beat. 

On one particular night, the gathering is more frenzied and happy. They had gathered as The Keeper helps Raven take out her chip and everyone claps, whoops with joy as it is thrown on the fire. Raven then helps Niylah and Octavia remove their chips, as the crowd claps and congratulates them. Lexa is quiet throughout all these. She does not have hers taken out. But each time she remembers, her hand juts out and she touches the spot behind her ear, where the chip is.

Bellamy usually stays away from the gatherings. In the mornings, he's already up and gone, and back at night or already asleep. He regards the Badlands, its people and their activities with suspicion and distrust and Clarke had all but given up on pleading with him to make an effort. If the others notice, they either ignore it or do not let on, living alone, not forcing him to do chores as the others do.

Lexa offers a comment only once when he'd entered the caves at night, looked at the gathering and promptly left to head to his room.

"He doesn't like it here," Lexa observes.

"He wants to go home," Clarke says.  

Lexa nods. "Should I be worried about him?"

Clarke shakes her head. "No. He just misses home."

Lexa is silent. After awhile, she asks, "Do you want to go home?"

Clarke doesn't answer at first, not knowing how to. Finally, she says,"Yes."

"Do you miss home?"

The question, unexpected, surprises Clarke. She doesn't know how to answer that either, so she only says, "I miss my mom."

All around them, everyone resumes the chatter, swapping stories, laughing and singing and revelling in the company.

Finally, sleep when sleep comes. Dream if dreams come.

***

Once they gather around the mouth of the cave and Clarke can see them smoking, passing something around, old Earth music playing from a small, ancient pod of music. She's probably heard this music before, back on the Ark but she cannot remember. Motown, she remembers Raven saying, stolen from Lincoln's stash, Lincoln who likes the music and lets Raven and Octavia listen to it. Raven and Anya are bobbing their heads to the music, the smoke billowing out of the cave in graceful tendrils. Niylah sways, eyes closed and Octavia is watching and not watching them, eyebrows knit, rolling her eyes at them, sharing a smoke with Niylah.

"Tobacco," Raven explains to Clarke. "Monty is experimenting with some seeds smuggled ages ago. It's crap and it's a disgusting habit but we're not in the city anymore and this is a great way to pass the time. Here, try."

Clarke tries and she coughs and smoke billows out of her lips and nose. Everyone laughs.

"What on earth is that?" she asks, eyes smarting from the smoke.

Raven grins. "Fuck."

"What?"

Raven shrugs. "Say what the fuck is that?"

"Raven..." Octavia warns.

"We don't use this word," Clarke says.

"What do you use when you want to say 'Go fuck yourself'?" Raven asks, curious.

Clarke hesitates. "We say, 'Go float yourself.'"

There is a moment's pause before Raven and Anya burst out laughing. Octavia grins. Niylah smiles. Clarke blushes.

"'Go  _ float _ yourself'?" Raven asks. "What the fuck is that?"

And Clarke has to explain why.

There is a silence then and Anya says," We're not so different after all, are we?"

***

Madi prefers sleeping with the other girls her own age. They sometimes tease her about wanting to be close to her mother all the time. Madi wants to spend time with them. Clarke understands. She spends time alone more and more in her own cave. She finds herself spending nights just talking with Lexa.

***

Clarke lies beside Lexa one night, just talking. Everyone had gone to bed early and she hadn't felt like going back to her own room yet. On this particular night Lexa asks about Madi. Lexa always asks about Madi and Clarke is grateful for it - that Lexa acknowledges and accepts Madi's existence and importance in Clarke's life. That night, Clarke tells her - how she found Madi, how she drew pictures of her to lure her out, how they spent years alone together after Praimfaya, how she had been chosen as Commander. Clarke feels safe telling her this. Lexa had once told her, "You and your child will be safe here, in the Badlands, on my honor as Commander and as your friend." Lexa's only comment when she mentions that Madi was commander is "She is too young." Clarke had nodded, agreeing.

Madi had taken a liking to Lexa. Visits her when she can. Lexa always accommodates her, talks to her, even when she is busy talking to Anya and the others. Madi is in awe of Lexa, and Clarke already knows that Madi worships her, that she is her new hero. She'd seen glimpses of how Lexa fights, seen how fast she is, sees how the others treat her, admires her. Best of all, Lexa likes her, too.

Once when they'd been in their room, and Clarke had come in, after a particularly long night of looking after Lexa, she'd found Madi awake, sitting up, waiting for her. Madi had looked at her then, seeming on the verge of asking her something Clarke isn't sure she would be able to answer. Clarke is relieved when her question is "How is she?"

Clarke had answered with "She's fine."

"She'll be okay, right?" Madi had asked in that earnest, childish way she does.

Clarke nods. "Yes." She goes to her then, puts an arm around her and kisses her on the head. 

They are quiet for awhile, Clarke rubbing Madi's back.

"You love her," Madi says, softly.

Clarke swallows, unable to respond. Madi says it as if she's known it for awhile now. She debates whether to confirm or deny it, but Madi answers it for her.

"I don't care if she isn't the Lexa from our world. You're happy with her and I'm okay with that," Madi had told her then. "It shouldn't matter who you love or where that love came from first. Life should be more than just about surviving. The Lexa from our world would want you to be happy. Here. With this one."

And Clarke's heart goes out to her, this child so open and understanding and full of love that she'd gathered her in her arms and held her.

"I know you loved the Lexa in our world and you told me it's nothing compared to how much you love me, but it's okay to love her, too, Clarke," Madi continues.

Clarke had smiled then. "Is that what the Commanders in your head are saying?"

Madi looks up at her then. "I don't hear them anymore, Clarke. I've stopped hearing them since we got here."

Clarke had looked at her then, puzzled and frowning, had asked Madi to explain. And Madi does, explaining the dreams have stopped, the visions have stopped, the Commanders have stopped talking to her.

"How do you feel about that?" Clarke had asked.

"Will you be mad if I say relieved, Clarke?" Madi had asked. Clarke had shaken her head then. "Because I'm relieved. I took the role to save you, Clarke, but here Lexa is strong enough to protect you, protect all of us and I don't..." Here her voice had grown small. "I don't want to be Commander anymore. I never wanted to be...will they make me one here?"

Clarke had squeezed her then, had assured her this wouldn't be the case and had gently told her to sleep. 

As Madi does, she'd told Clarke then,"It's okay, Clarke. I'm okay with you and Lexa. You don't have to worry."

And she had told her that Clarke had realized she'd worried about what Madi would say, too.

***

Clarke doesn't mention that part of the conversation but she does mention the A.I device at the back of Madi's neck. Lexa tells her they would have Raven take a look at it.

They sit in comfortable silence. She'd gotten tired of sitting cross-legged as Lexa lay on her bed and Lexa had moved, invited her to bed. Clarke had hesitated, but she had slowly, carefully crawled into bed. Lexa doesn't say anything, doesn't touch her, only watches her. As they both settle down to watch the shadows on the ceiling created by candlelight, barely touching, Clarke suddenly says, "Hey, you want to hear something funny?"

Lexa looks at her. "What?"

"Infinity," Clarke says. Lexa nods so she continues, "If you accept that the universe is infinite, then that means there's an infinite amount of chances for things to happen."

Lexa nods again, paying attention to her.

"If there's an infinite amount of chances for something to occur, then eventually it will occur - no matter how small the possibility."

"Ah."

"That means, somewhere in space, there's another world that, by an incredible series of coincidences, developed exactly like ours. Right down to the tiniest detail."

"Like Terra."

"Like Terra. Maybe. But instead of land and ocean it's just barren. In fact, there might be worlds with infinite variations of this cave or this ground or...that rock."

"So in these worlds, everything that can happen will happen."

"Exactly."

"Then, maybe in one world I am not a Commander."

"Or maybe in another you're a tyrant," Clarke says ruefully.

Lexa laughs. "Or maybe a despot."

"Or a dictator." 

Lexa holds her gaze then. " Or maybe in another world, I am just an ordinary person, just someone in love with someone else."

Clarke swallows, realizing her meaning. She hesitates then and says,  "You were never ordinary, Lexa."

Lexa looks at her then, holds her gaze.

Clarke kisses her then, all the feelings she's been keeping bottled and pushed down inside since she first saw this Lexa, the longing and desire and tenderness flooding over, willing Lexa to feel it. It occurs to her, with sudden and surprising clarity how much she cares for this Lexa, how she can remember the feelings she had for the Lexa in her world but that the feelings she has for the Lexa in this world are separate and distinct from her feelings for Lexa in her world. She realizes she wants nothing more than just to continue kissing Lexa for all eternity. She realizes how much she wants to be with her, that no matter what Lexa had told her in Terra, that they couldn't be together, she knows, deep inside she knows she is different from the Lexa in her world but that she still cares for her anyway. For herself. For who she is. For what she is.  She thinks that they both seem to have too many clothes on and all she wants is to take them off. Clarke kisses her but she wants more.

Lexa takes her wrist, tugs at her. Clarke comes willingly, straddling her, careful not to hurt her. Lexa reaches for the hem of Clarke's shirt, takes it off her head. She reaches for Clarke's waistband, reaches for the skin underneath. Clarke rests her hands on top of Lexa's, moves so she can take off her own pants. Clarke reaches for the hem of Lexa's tank top next and takes it off, marvels at the firm, taut muscles underneath, runs her hand on skin. She feels Lexa sigh at her touch.

They look at each other, really look at each other, both breathing calmly, deeply. Lexa runs a hand on Clarke's skin, marvelling, wondering. It is all a wonder, even the act itself. Clarke closes the distance, kisses her and Lexa gathers her in her arms, kisses her, lips gentle and soft and careful and sweet and she is on top of her, Clarke beneath her, her thigh between Clarke's, feeling the wetness and want there and Clarke opens up for her willingly, trustingly, openly, Lexa's fingers exploring and hungry for more - and nothing, not even a war, could have prevented her from plunging deep into Clarke. 

Clarke gasps then,  holds her breath and they lie still, Lexa looking into Clarke's eyes, waiting for permission to go on even as she nestles deep inside of her. Clarke nods and they start to move. Lexa moves slowly, deeply inside her, and everytime she does, Clarke moves to meet her, matching her rhythm, lets out a low, involuntary moan of pleasure, eyes half closed - holding Lexa's gaze, unwilling to break it, to break the connection. Each time Lexa plunges deep, Clarke throws her head back, arches her back, the pleasure apparent on her face. Clarke puts her arms around Lexa as far as she can, pressing and stroking her back. This is everything Lexa is and everything she is meant to be, this act slowly freezing forever in her mind, ready to be retrieved forever, spellbinding, breathtaking. Clarke's fingers press on Lexa's back, her hip, her thigh, find their way into her inner thigh and Lexa bucks, draws a deep breath, surprised and pleased in equal measure as Clarke slowly, lovingly touches her, explores deep inside her. With a deep and quiet joy, Lexa recognizes the beginnings of their climax and she marvels again at its newness. So new. Lexa could sense them both going higher and higher, could sense reality, her presence as a person, a real person, her own person, to Clarke, and not just a ghost from Clarke's past, and it is as if she realizes then how much she really means to Clarke and Clarke holds on to her tight, drawing her closer, closer, as if she wants to draw her deep inside herself, as if she wants them to be a single thing, to be as one. And when it does come it feels like a wave bursting, exploding inside her, exploding in Clarke and the wave brings them down peacefully, easily to the ever-present here and now and they grow still for a time, Clarke clutching her, before she takes Lexa's face between her hands and kisses her and whispers her name and says, "I love you."

***

They are still for a time, soaked with more than sweat and the wetness of loving, bathed in wonder. Lexa holds her, stays within her, takes all that she can give until it passes and Lexa raises herself slightly and Clarke realizes she isn't finished. Lexa starts moving slowly again, coming in and down, deep inside Clarke and Clarke moans and Lexa smiles at her and she smiles back and Lexa looks so young and beautiful then, startlingly so, the years and hurt and pain and betrayal and confusion falling away, and in its place, pride, delight, joy, love - and together they turn themselves toward this new experience. Clarke closes her eyes in joy and pleasure, contentment and affection, fingers touching Lexa too and Lexa's breath hitches, she buries her face in Clarke's neck and lets out a small moan of pleasure and they move together, slowly, gaining momentum, moving faster and faster and she feels it again, they both do, the great wave of pleasure washing over them and finally as it takes them to great heights, they both reach beyond pleasure and into peace, coming down calm and blissful as one.

***

They lay together for awhile then, in darkness and candlelight, naked and unashamed, knowing they had a world of it, a whole new world of it ahead. Clarke, her head resting on Lexa's arm, one leg thrown over Lexa possessively, inspects her body, explores, traces fingers on the tattoo on her upper arm and shoulder, the tattoo on her back, asking, wondering. Lexa answers, the tattoo on her arm and shoulder given to mark the end of military school and the beginning of her term as commander. The tattoo is simple but intricate, a tribal tattoo announcing her belongingness to the fleet, to Terra, all elegant swirls and sharp points. The tattoo on her back are stars and sun and constellation. A reminder of what they had to give up to get here. Lexa touches her, runs a finger on her face, her chin, her neck, her body, as if now that she is given permission, now that Clarke has given her permission to call Clarke hers, now that she's just given everything to Lexa,  she can't get enough of it, can't get enough of Clarke. They kiss idly and lazily, murmur words to each other, Clarke gazing at her, loving her, Lexa cradling her, holding her. Clarke feels safe in her arms. Feels secure in Lexa's love. She understands then that Lexa would be able to protect her and her child, that she would lift heaven and earth to do so. It would be easy then to forget the weight of responsibility hanging on both of them, waiting for them outside this cave, this little world they've created, safe from everything and everyone.

Suddenly, Clarke's face falls then. "We have to go back, don't we?"

Lexa studies her then, not saying anything. She doesn't miss the meaning. Go back to Terra. Face Terra and its problems. For Clarke, go back to her home. Go back to how it was. How it has always been. But how do you go back when you are given a taste of what could be? What should be? She doesn't know. She takes a deep breath.

"Can we talk about something else?"

Clarke grins at her. "We don't have to talk at all."

A slow smile, such as Clarke has come to love and which never fails to make her breathless, like there is a light inside her, slowly spreads on Lexa's face as she rolls on top of Clarke then and kisses her and starts to move against her, lips slowly making their way down Clarke's body, to that sweet, smooth taste between Clarke's legs and inside her, scent of Clarke in her nose - clean and female and good - Clarke's moans and hers mingling.  And as she slides gently into Clarke, and they give themselves up to each other, all thoughts of Terra, Eligius and what is to come, are all but forgotten. And Lexa realizes something then: death may not be the end, but love is the beginning. Love is the answer. Love is the answer to the wordless question she'd been asking herself all these years. Clarke had come into her life and answered it. And she would happily live the rest of her life making Clarke happy the way Clarke has made her so happy now.

  
  



	9. Chapter 9

 

Clarke wakes up to Lexa kissing her, here and there, working from her knees up to the length of her thighs, then to her belly, lips soft and caressing, breath warm against her skin. Clarke shivers, takes her time waking, desire bearing down upon her slowly, like a ship sailing across space. She lifts her head, arches her back to meet Lexa's lips in a slow, deep kiss.  She feels Lexa's lips slide down to her neck, her throat, lingers on her breasts, then on to her belly, lower still, feels her breath against her. Clarke is very soft, very warm and very ready to clench her between her thighs and Lexa enters her, gentle and slow and careful and Clarke drops her head back, eyes closing, feeling time ceasing to exist and she feels like she tastes stars and glowing embers.

Later, as Clarke lies in Lexa's arms, Lexa moves to kiss her again and Clarke grins and says, teasingly, "Lexa, no more..."

Lexa grins back then and holds her, burying her face in Clarke's neck, kisses her behind the ear, on her throat.

"I can't..." Clarke says, breath hitching as Lexa's lips make their way to Clarke's chest, her tongue circling one nipple before her lips enclose it. Clarke gasps then before she looks down at Lexa, brushes the hair away from her face and asks, "You don't tire easily, do you?"

Lexa stops, looks up, green eyes dancing mischievously and shakes her head.

Clarke feels herself blush, takes a deep breath, nods and moans as Lexa resumes kissing her but manages to say, "At least let me catch my breath first..."

Lexa chuckles into her skin and stops. "Alright."

Clarke is almost disappointed at how Lexa has so abruptly stopped. Lexa reluctantly pulls away, but grins but then her face turns serious.

"What?" Clarke asks.

"In Terra, we bond first before we consummate the relationship."

Clarke is confused, looking at Lexa incredulously.

Lexa nods. "It is part of our way...the bonding is a promise, a show of commitment... "

"But we just..." Clarke begins. "Last night...all night long..."

But then Lexa's face breaks into a grin and Clarke hits her lightly on the shoulder.

"I know you will have to eventually go back home anyway, and Terra doesn't approve of...what we have," Lexa says then, face serious again. "So it would not have mattered..."

Clarke puts a hand on Lexa's neck, thumb brushing her jaw. "But you said Raven still can't figure out how we're going to go home..."

"Yes."

"So, maybe we'd be stuck here for awhile."

Lexa's face brightens. "Yes."

"Maybe it might be a good idea," Clarke says thoughtfully. "I mean, Terrans have a thing about letting the race live on. If people know I'm spoken for...that I'm yours...then they wouldn't force me to bond."

"No one would dare."

"Yes," Clarke says. "Just to be safe."

"Just to be safe."

"Plus it matters to you, yes?"

"Yes."

"Then it matters to me, too," Clarke says warmly.

"What about your child?" Lexa asks then, concerned.

Clarke smiles, puts a hand on Lexa's cheeks. She is touched Lexa is concerned about Madi. "She says it's ok."

"That we be bonded?"

"That we be together," Clarke explains. "Anyway it doesn't have to be ostentatious or public," Clarke says. "It could be just...you and me...here, right now..."

"Right now?” Lexa asks, surprised. “You want to be bonded to me?"

Clarke shakes her head, leans over and kisses her. "Yes." Then she lowers her voice and says, "There's nothing I would want more."

"You would want to be called mine?"

"I already am," Clarke replies with a smile.

Lexa thinks about this for a second and smiles.

***

Lexa and Clarke kneel in front of each other, on the bed. Lexa had gotten a long, blue strip of smooth cloth, closed her eyes and murmured words on it. A prayer, she says, to consecrate the cloth. She then reaches out her right hand and Clarke clasps it with her right, palm holding the inside of Lexa's wrist, while Lexa encircles Clarke's wrist. Lexa places the center of the cloth on top of their wrists. Then she takes her side of the blue cloth and starts to slowly wrap Clarke's hand and her wrist until the cloth reaches all the way to Lexa's forearm and Clarke does the same on her end. As they wrap the blue cloth around each other's hands, wrists and arms, Lexa also softly recites words, voice solemn, looking straight into Clarke's eyes. She would pause and Clarke would follow, repeating the words Lexa has just said to her. Lexa had explained the meaning of the words, an ancient, long dead Old Earth language - naming themselves and stating their vow over blue cloth:

" _Et ego, Lexa Com Trikru, spondeo, voveo, ac iuro. Sic me Terra adiuvet et haec Sancta Pannus, quae manu mea tango vinculum quo obligabit tecum."_

As Lexa says this softly, she  murmurs the words as if it were a prayer and a promise. As Clarke listens and says the words back to Lexa, Clarke feels strangely moved by it, feels a lump in her throat then as Lexa says the vow that had been said at the Gathering, her unbound other hand on top of their bound hands. She looks at Clarke then and gently says,

" _In our bonding, may you find joy_

_In our bonding, may you find happiness_

_In our bonding, may you find love_

_In our bonding, may you find peace..."_

Clarke says the words back to Lexa, the lump in Clarke's throat growing bigger, tears forming in her eyes. She tugs Lexa to her, kisses her and holds her.

"Thank you," Clarke whispers. "I love you."

"I will always be with you," Lexa promises her then.

***

Lexa holds Clarke then, kissing her. They lay in bed revelling in the luxury of time and privacy afforded them.

Presently, there is a knock on the door and Lexa dresses, gets up in one fluid motion,  more alert and energetic than she has ever been. They exchange a look and Lexa smiles. Clarke blushes, smiles back. They'd made love all night and all morning but Lexa still looks like she can still go on all day if they want to. And Lexa, of course, had wanted  to but for the knock on the door and Clarke feeling sore and exhausted. Unlike Clarke who still feels sleepy, there is no sign at all that Lexa had been up all night. She leans over and kisses Clarke, then stands up, looking every bit the commander and walks to the door with a sense of purpose and determination. Clarke clutches the blanket to her chest, suddenly feels very naked underneath, still feeling like she's wrapped in an erotic haze, still feeling Lexa's lips on her skin, still feeling Lexa inside her. Lexa opens the door slightly, not letting whoever is on the other side see her. Lexa talks to the person briefly before she closes the door, walks up to Clarke, kisses her again and says, "I have to go. You can stay here as long as you want. Sleep if you want. I will see you later."

"Is everything okay?"

Lexa kisses her again, nods and then leaves, leaving Clarke alone with her thoughts.

***

Lexa hadn't wanted Clarke to worry.

She had liked waking up to Clarke's arms around her. She'd woken up feeling renewed, woken up suddenly feeling like she's just rediscovered her purpose. And she'd liked that they had made their vows to each other, made their own bonding ceremony. It may not be as she has imagined, but as she fingers the thin blue cloth now wrapped and tied on her wrist - the other half of which is tied on Clarke's wrist - she feels happy. Complete. She is not entirely sure if this is because of Clarke, but she is sure that if Clarke were to choose to stay in Terra, that she would make Terra a place safe enough to stay.

In the cool morning she'd thought of wild dreams of herself and Clarke. How desirable Clarke is to her. Clarke makes her dream, dream of possibilities, even during the day. Clarke with her young, soft body, lithe and buxom and full, skin smooth and fair, face beautiful and full of love for her. As Clarke moves beside her, Lexa tenses with desire. She murmurs Lexa's name, still asleep and Lexa marvels - how kind her voice is, how it flowed so smoothly into her.

But then, Anya had knocked on her door, face grim and serious. She hadn't even bothered greeting her, she just says, quietly, "Commander, I think you need to see this."

***

Lexa looks at the person lying on the ground, being attended to by Niylah and one of the other people from the Badlands. The face is bloody, bruised and swollen, body weak.

Earlier that morning,  the lookout had watched as the man had trudged and stumbled across the dunes, first a dot in the horizon, so that the lookout thought it was just an animal. But as the figure neared, he had realized it was a person, a man, weakened and exhausted. The lookout had sounded the alarm and Anya had been swiftly informed. Anya had woken up readily, leaving Raven still fast asleep beside her and had gone out to see what it was. She had barely recognized the figure when he had finally stood a few yards from their camp. The man's head seemed to have rolled back, he'd fallen to his knees and collapsed on the ground.

When one of the sentries had gone to him, cautiously, he'd opened his eyes and said, "Commander...where is she...? Must talk to her...in danger...Titus...Council...coming..." Before he'd lost consciousness.

***

Lexa doesn't have to know what Lincoln meant when what he'd said to the sentry was recounted to her. She already knows: Titus and the Council are going after her and the Badlands.

In bits and pieces, through the pain, Lincoln recounts how the Council had granted Nia emergency powers, put the whole city under lockdown and Martial Law, with curfews and punishments for those who break the curfew or the law. The Council has been turning the city upside down looking for Lexa. They had suspected Lincoln of having helped Lexa escape. They'd arrested Lincoln, imprisoned him and tortured him for information about Lexa's whereabouts.

As Lincoln painfully recounts how they'd stripped him, tied him by his hands and feet, hung by his feet and electrocuted, beaten, hosed down, nearly drowned him every day, dragging him naked to his cell and starving him, Lexa's anger grows, her fists clenching.

Lincoln had finally escaped with a little help from Monty - who had secretly slipped a bone in his bowl of soup that Lincoln had used to pick the lock of his cell.

"Monty is safe?" Lexa asks, voice flat but the concern apparent.

Lincoln nods. "I tried to stop him but...he and Raven - you know how they are."

Lexa nods. She does know. Monty and Raven are not just people she works with, they are friends. Even if she'd try to discourage them from doing something as dangerous, they'd do it anyway.

"I'm sorry, Commander...I was weak...I failed you," Lincoln says, voice broken and defeated.

Lexa kneels in front of Lincoln, puts a hand on Lincoln’s shoulder. She looks Lincoln in the eye, and voice soft, she says, "You did well, Lincoln, thank you.”

Lincoln looks back at her then, makes the effort to smile through his eyes swollen shut and his busted lips. "You would have done the same for me."

***

Lexa leaves the room in anger then, flexing her fists, trying to push down the anger.

She makes her way through the tunnels before she finally finds her way out of the caves. The sky is pink and hazy, twin suns slowly climbing the sky. She feels the blood pounding in her ears. Feels the beast raging within her, waiting to be unleashed.

Anya joins her then. They are both silent, watching the twin suns rise in the horizon.

"Your orders, Commander?" Anya asks then. "Are we going to war?"

"People have already died at the Gathering," Lexa reminds her. "I do not want that for our people."

"What do we do then?"

Lexa is silent for a while before she says,"I'm not going to continue this war of which Titus speaks." She looks at Anya then. "Gather all able-bodied men and women willing to come with us."

"Alright, Commander."

Lexa turns to Anya then, green eyes clear and determined. "I will end this war," Lexa says, determined. "Once and for all."

***

Lexa stands in front of a table, with a hastily made map of Terra. Lexa had set up her command post in one of the larger caves. It is dank and damp and dark, but it will have to do. Candles are on the table, torches on the wall, throwing shadows on the walls and on all their faces. She is surrounded by her people - Anya, Raven, Octavia and Lincoln.  Anya had suggested inviting the other people from the Badlands, even Clarke and Bellamy, but Lexa had shaken her head, told her they would plan first and then tell the others about their plans. They'd been planning and revising their plans, moving the pieces around the map like pieces on a chessboard, such as the ones on Old Earth, such as the ones Lexa would be given to play with at the military school. Lexa looks at each plan, each strategy, and shakes her head, rejects each one.

"Who is commanding the fleet?" Anya asks Lincoln, who insisted on attending the meeting.

Lincoln speaks with difficulty. "They've named Ontari as officer-in-charge, for now."

Lexa looks at him. Luna would have been the logical candidate. During the War Games, Luna almost beat her but for the simulation - Lexa was smarter, more clever. Ontari had shown no interest in being commander or leader until now, preferring to follow orders and retreat into her bunk when done. She hadn't liked the responsibility or burden. As a soldier, she could always blame her superior for whatever actions she may do. Which means they would need to know who she is aligned with: Titus? Or Nia? Any of the Council of the Five? None of which are exactly  exciting prospects. Ontari would be exactly the kind of person they would need: Follows orders, unambitious, dangerous and unpredictable enough to be used. What of Luna, she wonders.

"Luna refused, says she recognizes only the one, true Commander's leadership," Lincoln says, as if hearing Lexa's thoughts. "She is in prison for insubordination."

"What about that little insurrection with the Nightbloods?"Anya asks now. "Aren't they afraid the Nightbloods will rise up and turn against them again? Especially since the Chief Engineer is here." She indicates Raven.

"Dunno," Lincoln says. "But whatever they're doing, they're able to command the Nightblood and Redblood army."

"These are no good," Lexa mutters then, staring at the maps and plans. "I want the lowest possible amount of casualties. Or none at all. I do not want innocent blood shed."

The others nod, agree. If there is one thing Lexa has always tried to do it is to minimize their losses, avoid bloodshed, avoid killing innocents.

Raven says, "We need to shut them down. And shut them down now."

Lexa looks at her sharply then.

"I know, Commander, I'm sorry," Raven mutters, reddening. "I'm an engineer, not a soldier..."

Lexa looks at her thoughtfully. "Actually, you have just given me an idea."

Anya grins. "Let's hear it, commander."

They spend hours talking and planning before a plan is finally put in place. Lexa spreads out the city plans and she looks and makes marks and asks questions and looks some more. She lays it all out and they all drink it all in and everyone stands quiet for a long time, thinking about it.

***

She'd not seen Lexa the whole day. The caves are abuzz with new energy, urgency, purpose, speaking in hushed tones. She'd thus spent the day with Madi and the other children and had dinner and gone to bed without having seen Lexa, falling asleep to Lexa's smell on her pillow.

She'd wanted to ask what was going on but the ones she meets do not know anymore than she does. Everyone seems busy, Anya, Raven, Octavia, Niylah nowhere to be seen. People see her and nod and acknowledge her. If they see the cloth tied to her wrist, no one says anything. Terrans, even the ones in the Badlands, are not known for speaking out or speaking of things such as that. But they do recognize her unspoken bond with the Commander and speak to her. And eventually, she hears about Lincoln, in bits and pieces, how’d he’d stumbled to the Badlands, near death - but what exactly has happened she doesn’t know.

When she does see Lexa, Lexa informs her, "We are going to take Terra back."

***

Lexa does not expect Clarke's reaction. She'd told her of their plans and Clarke had asked her if she can join them and Lexa had shaken her head telling her she and the others will be evacuated away from the city and the Badlands. This had upset Clarke.

"You don't need my counsel, Lexa, I know, but that doesn't mean you have to exclude me..."

"Clarke..."

"I can hold my own in war, I've taken people down with my own hands," Clarke points out. "I can draw my own conclusions about the nature of power."

"And what is that?"

"Power is about making decisions," Clarke says. "Power is not allowing yourself to be buffeted on the tides of history, instead choosing a boat, climbing aboard and hoisting the sail." She looks at Lexa then. "Whatever happens, I choose you. Whatever course you are charting, I choose you."

Lexa had considered that then before she leans over and kisses Clarke. "And I, you." She then holds Clarke's face. "But there is a reason why. I never meant to hurt or offend you. I cannot go into it right now. But all will be revealed in time."

***

Early the next morning, Lexa is already up and gone when Clarke wakes up. Clarke already knows it is still dark outside. Yesterday, Lexa had held a meeting with everyone in the Badlands, and had told them that she, Anya, Octavia and whoever joins will go to the city to take it back from the Council.

"I cannot promise you that everyone will come out alive," Lexa says, eyes earnest, voice low and sure. "But we must all make sacrifices, to win the war we might have to lose battles. But I will do everything in my power to make sure we come out victorious. I do not want to lose anyone anymore than you do."

She pauses then, looks at Clarke, then at the others before she continues.

"We have lived in oppression for so long," Lexa says. "The kind where we don't even know it _is_ oppression. We have willingly given up our freedoms: Our right to choose, our destiny, our dreams, who we love. I call on those who want a new future, a world in which we are free to be who we want to be, a world in which our children flourish without the shadow of oppression and tyranny. Join me and help me envision a better Terra. Join me and  help me take back Terra."

Clarke had listened to Lexa's speech and had felt her chest swell with courage, joy, love but most of all pride. That this woman had so willingly committed herself to Clarke speaks volumes about who she is. That she could make a rousing, stirring speech that would make the people of the Badlands cheer and pledge their allegiance and loyalty to Lexa speaks volumes about how charismatic Lexa is. By the end of the speech, almost everyone had volunteered. Lexa though had chosen only the able-bodied men and women, the ones who had finished their military service. She had even accepted Quislings, offering them a pardon for deserting the fleet in exchange for joining their cause. The ones left had been given the task of helping evacuate the people - the weak, the old, the children - out of the Badlands.

"The rains will come soon anyway," Anya says. "They need to seek better shelter."

The people had thus been evacuated that very night.

Madi hadn't wanted to go.

"I want to go with you," Madi had insisted.

Clarke had held her and said, "This isn't your fight, Madi."

"Neither is it yours," Madi says then, holding Clarke tight. "I don't want to lose you, Clarke. You're my only family."

Lexa had walked in on them holding each other and had stood by the opening, unsure what to do.

"You won't lose me," Clarke promises her. Then she looks at Madi and says, "And I'm not your only family anymore."

Madi looks back at her, studies her face, notices the blue cloth tied to her wrist, notices the same one on Lexa then the realization hits her. "Lexa...?"

Clarke nods. "Is that okay?"

The slow grin that spreads on Madi's face is the only approval Clarke needs. Clarke looks at Lexa then and motions for her to come near. Clarke takes Lexa's hand then.

"If...something happens to me," Clarke tells Lexa carefully, "Promise me you will take care of Madi."

Lexa holds her hand then. "I will."

Clarke squeezes her hand. "Madi will be yours. And you will be hers."

Lexa nods, looks at Clarke, then Madi and says, "Yes."

Clarke smiles. "Thank you, Lexa."

Madi suddenly throws herself at Lexa and embraces her. Lexa stiffens, surprised at Madi's action. She stands there, awkward, not knowing what to do, before she puts her arms around Madi and hugs her back. Clarke stands back, smile on her face, but Madi's hand shoots out, she tugs at Clarke's hand and pulls her to them and they all hold each other, thoughts of the coming mission forgotten.

***

Clarke thinks about this as she gets up, gets dressed,  makes the bed and finally heads to the door.

But before she could open it, Lexa comes in and her serious face breaks into a smile. Clarke smiles back and greets her with a long embrace.

"We head for the city today. The civilians have been evacuated," Lexa informs her.

Clarke nods, letting this sink in. "Okay. I'm coming with you."

Lexa nods. "Alright." Lexa turns to hold the door open but then Clarke touches Lexa.

"Lexa..."

Lexa turns, closes the door behind her, looking at Clarke with a questioning look in her intense, green eyes.

Clarke kisses her then. Lexa kisses her back, her kiss long and slow and deep, as if she wants Clarke to feel everything she wants to say but can’t in one kiss.

A knock on the door makes them reluctantly break their embrace.

Anya stands behind it when Lexa opens the door. When Lexa prompts her to tell her what she needs to say, Anya hands her a note and says, "Somebody sent this today."

Lexa and Clarke read the message:

" _Surrender and the Badlands will not be destroyed. Refuse and be annihilated._ "

Lexa looks at Anya, then Clarke. Anya clears her throat. "And also, by the way, Bellamy is gone."

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks kick_angel for this. :-)


	10. Chapter 10

"Where did he go?" Lexa asks Anya.  
  
"What do you mean, gone?"Clarke interrupts, anxious, searching Anya's face. "Are you sure?"  
  
"We can't find him anywhere,"Anya states patiently to both of them.  
  
"Maybe you just missed him,"Clarke says, hopeful.  
  
"Our people searched for him everywhere. He is nowhere to be found,"Anya says, eyes flashing, offended at the implication her people are incompetent. She turns to Lexa.  
"Commander, one of our lookouts thinks he saw him slip out of the camp last night."  
  
"Are you certain?" Lexa asks.  
  
Anya shakes her head. "Commander if he goes to Terra and tells them..."  
  
"Send someone to look for him and bring him back to us,"Lexa says.  
  
"And if he refuses?"  
  
"Do whatever it takes,"Lexa says, voice gone cold. "Use deadly force if you have to."  
  
Anya nods, salutes her and leaves.  
  
"Lexa..." Clarke says then, turning to face her. "You can't just..."  
  
"Bellamy is a threat," Lexa states. "If he tells the Council what our plans are, a lot of people will be hurt..."  
  
"Bellamy is a friend,"Clarke insists. "He's loyal. He would never betray us or endanger our lives."  
  
Lexa quirks an eyebrow. She pauses before she asks, "Are you willing to risk our lives on that?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Lexa studies Clarke's face. "You care about him."  
  
Clarke can sense a slight tinge of jealousy in Lexa's voice. She shakes her head, wants to reassure her. "He's my friend," she emphasizes. "I care that you are willing to hurt him to achieve your goals."  
  
"The ends justify the means."  
  
"No, that's not true,"Clarke insists. "Please. Trust me. If you really love me..."  
  
Lexa shakes her head. "I can't jeopardize our mission."  
  
"You don't trust me,"Clarke concludes.  
  
Lexa's face reddens. Clarke sees her clench her fists. Above one fist she can see the cloth still tied around her wrist, the same one tied on Clarke's own and all that it means and symbolizes for both of them. Lexa seems to be reminded of that, too. She doesn't speak for what seems like forever. Then, she takes a deep, slow breath, swallows. Later on, Clarke realizes this is Lexa's self-control at work. She sees the irritation pass over Lexa's eyes, sees her eyes darken for a moment before it lightens again. Lexa has the look of someone accustomed to getting her own way, always. She is used to people following her orders. But having Clarke question her, as civilians almost always do, sometimes irritates her. That Clarke knows Lexa cares for her and that Clarke feels the same way has complicated Lexa's seemingly simpler life of easy decisions, orders and unquestioned authority. Lexa swallows down the irritation and looks at her then, calmly. "I do trust you, Clarke. I just don't trust Bellamy. That's why I could not just let you in on our plans. You'd have told Bellamy."  
  
Clarke's face falls. "Lexa, I wouldn't do that." She looks hurt at Lexa's implication.  
  
Lexa tries to ignore the hurt look on Clarke's face. She wants to gather her in her arms, reassure her, apologize. It's nothing personal. She is military, a Commander, through and through. "If Bellamy gets to them before we do, a lot of people will get hurt,"Lexa explains, voice gentle this time. "If I make this mistake, everyone will pay the price for it. Like they did in the Gathering. If that happens,I won't be able to live with myself."  
  
Clarke just looks at her. She swallows, murmurs in despair, "I understand", but it feels empty.  
  
"I'm sorry, I can't risk everyone and everything on your feelings,"Lexa says even more gently now. "I have to go. You will be with Raven and Niylah."  
  
As Lexa turns to go, Clarke softly says, "Lexa..."  
  
Lexa stops, looks at her, waits for her to continue.  
  
"Just...don't hurt him, please," Clarke pleads, "He's not a threat."  
  
Lexa considers this for a moment and nods. "I'll see what I can do."  
  
It's not a promise, but it's more than Clarke expects, so she nods and watches Lexa turn and walk away.  
  


***

  
They step out into night, into the desert air. Clarke shivers, wraps her arms around herself. She suddenly misses Lexa's strong, muscled arms around her, the same ones that have kept her warm and safe at night. She can see Lexa a few yards away, but it feels much farther. Lexa is no longer her mate now, but the Commander, quietly giving orders and instructions, voice low and sure and confident, movements quick and economical. The AllVee vehicle rolls on top of the sand, hovers above it, engine humming smoothly, efficiently.  
  
Anya comes up to Lexa then.  
  
"Bellamy?" Lexa asks.  
  
Anya shakes her head.  
  
Lexa nods in acknowledgement.  
  
Lexa steps forward then, followed by Anya, Niylah, Raven, Lincoln and the rest follow, three perfect rows of soldiers, equidistant, standing straight and tall, hands behind them, feet wide apart, planted firmly on the sand, faces serious, determined, war paint on cheeks. Lexa looks at each and everyone of them.  
"Let's go!" Lexa says.  
  


***

  
Under cover of darkness they all slip out of the Badlands, the AllVee bearing all forty of them on the road to the city. The AllVee's cloaking device is turned on so that it blends with darkness and sand.  
  
The wind causes a storm on the dunes that blows waves of dust on the vehicle. Octavia drives the vehicle, expertly maneuvering through wind and sand, everyone else crammed into the vehicle, sitting, standing or squatting, Lexa leaning on the wall, arms folded infront of her, saying nothing.  
  
They are silent, everyone grim and still. The drone of the vehicle lulls Clarke to sleep.  
  


***

  


_Clarke stands in the middle of the desert, alone. It is a dark, starless night. The wind is blowing, howling, the sand slowly swirling around her. In the distance she hears a steady hum, growing louder and louder. The hum turns into the rushing wind, roaring in her ears. Then she sees a figure. In the distance. Lexa. This Lexa, in her full military uniform. Lexa doesn't move. She stands straight, arms behind her back, wind blowing her hair away from her face. She doesn't move. Clarke hears gunshots. Lexa hears it at about the same time she does. Lexa doesn't even have time to defend herself or run away. She is shot over and over again. Her body is rocked by the force of the bullets and she falls, crumples on the sand. The wind has grown stronger. Sand swirling, a storm encircling them. Clarke tries to move to help Lexa but she can't. She tries to scream but finds she cannot. And as she watches, the sand rushes towards Lexa's body, almost completely covers it. Clarke watches in horror as the sand devours Lexa, chews through her clothes, her skin, until all that is left is bones.  
  
And still Clarke tries to scream..._

  
  


***

  
Clarke is jolted awake by Raven gently nudging her.  
  
"We're almost there,"Raven informs her. "You okay?"  
  
Clarke swallows.Nods. Realizes she's sweating.  
  
Raven knows better than to ask. She reaches out and squeezes Clarke's shoulder instead.  
  
Clarke seeks Lexa's figure in the cramped vehicle, finds her still standing by the wall. Lexa's hand absently goes up to her ear and Clarke knows she is touching the chip behind her ear. She knows Lexa is still conflicted about removing the chip.  
  
Clarke feels relieved. Lexa's alive. She's still alive. She breathes a sigh of relief.  
  


***

  
They travel through the dunes for what seems like hours before they stop about a couple of hundred yards from the city.  
  
Through the windshield and windows they can see the buildings of the city - towers and spires and living quarters - as the AllVee grinds to a halt.  
  
Lexa looks at each and everyone of the people inside the vehicle. Clarke can feel the power radiating from her, green eyes fierce, expression on her face equally as determined, war paint on her face.  
  
Lexa stands there in silence, face like stone. And then she speaks, in that low, commanding, authoritative voice that vibrates with authority and everyone is still, silent, listening.  
  
"Soldiers,"Lexa begins. "I could talk about honor but you are here." She pauses. "I could talk about freedom. Justice. Hope. But you already know this."  
  
"There are only forty of us. There will be more of them,"she continues. "I will not tell you how to fight. You already know how we fight. Some of you have fought alongside these people. You know how they fight. We have been called traitors. Charged with treason. You are no longer their comrades. Or their friends. You are their enemies. They will show no mercy. They will annihilate you. We only win if we all survive. So we fight. And we fight like wolves!"  
  
As they stand their in silence, Lexa continues, "We will be outnumbered, but we are strong."  
  
"We are strong," Anya says. The others follow.  
  
"We will be outgunned, but we are strong."  
  
"We are strong," Anya continues. The others chant the words.  
  
Lexa intones, "We may look weak to them but we are strong." She looks at them all.

_"For when I am weak then am I strong."_

  
  
Anya says, "For when I am weak then am I strong."  
  
Then the rest follow, chanting

_"For when I am weak then am I strong."_

  
  
Clarke follows the others, chanting with the rest of them. When Lexa raises her fist and shouts it for the last time, everyone shouts it back.  
  


_"We make the grass grow,"_

she begins.  
  


_"We make the grass grow,"_

they follow.  
  


_"We make the water flow,"_

she continues.  
  


_"We make the water flow,"_

they say right back.  
  
Anya and the others understand the significance of Lexa chanting the Nightblood vow with the Redbloods and Nightbloods. She wants them to know they are one, not separate. Clarke can feel an energy, an excitement humming, buzzing through the group. Clarke knows the people in this vehicle will go fight and die for Lexa.  
  
"For Terra!" Lexa shouts then.  
  


_"For Terra!"_

they shout back.  
  


***

  
They step out of the vehicle. Clouds of dust rise up. They can barely see in the clouds of dust and grit rising up. They cough and sputter. They take out cloths and tie it around their noses and mouths.  
  
Lexa looks at them, calculation and consideration in her eyes.  
  
Raven, Niylah and Clarke go to her.  
  
"You know what to do,"Lexa says, quietly.  
  
They nod.  
  
But then, Anya comes, dragging someone behind her. "Commander..."  
  
They all turn.  
  
Anya shoves the person in front of her. "Found this one hiding in the back."  
  
Lexa recognizes her. It is Madi.  
  
"What's that?" Raven asks Madi, motioning to the crumpled paper she has behind her.  
  
Madi blushes. "Oh, this?" she says, sheepishly. "It's just some sketch I was...playing around with."  
  
  
"Can I see?" Raven asks.  
  
Madi shyly gives it to her. Raven slowly uncrumples it. It's drawn in a childish way, with sticks, but it's a crudely drawn pod of some sort that looks like a cage, with a door to one side. There are what looks like stones that are shining at specific points, hanging by the ceiling inside the pod and on its walls.  
  
"What's this?"  
  
Madi shrugs. "It's just something one of the Commanders told me about...Tesla coils and electromagnetic energy and how crystals have power..." Then she stops realizes Raven and the others are staring at her. "Um, yeah, just...I like doodling?"  
  
Raven doesn't say anything at first, just staring at the drawing before she slowly looks up, an idea seeming to form in her head. "This is really good, Madi. In fact, it's brilliant. You just gave me an idea..." She looks at her. "Can I keep this?"  
  
Madi nods, shy.  
  
"Thanks,Madi,"Raven says as she carefully folds the paper.  
  
"Madi?" Clarke asks then, taking a step forward. "I told you to go with the others."  
  
"I can't run and hide, Clarke, not when you're going to go and fight with them,"Madi says, adamant.  
  
"It's too dangerous,"Clarke says. "I can't lose you."  
  
"You know I can fight,"Madi says.  
  
Clarke touches her cheek. "I know you can, honey,"Clarke says."But you can't just go into battle..."  
  
Madi shakes her head and is about to say something but Lexa interrupts them.  
  
"She can stay," Lexa says.  
  
"Lexa..."Clarke says.  
  
"We can fight together..."  
  
"I've seen how these Nightbloods fight,"Clarke says.  
  
"You've seen me fight,"Lexa says.  
  
"You're injured and recovering,"Clarke says.  
  
Lexa is silent. "Clarke," Lexa begins. "They wouldn't send a threat like that if they thought I was not a threat. They sent that because they are afraid." She pauses. "And they should be. They didn't just threaten me. They threatened my people. My friends." She looks directly at Clarke, steely green gaze on her blue eyes. "My family. They attack me and mine, they attack me. There will be no mercy for them if they hurt one of mine. They do not know what I'm capable of. And for their sake I hope they never find out."  
  
Clarke is quiet. There is a look in Lexa's eyes that she has not seen before. An invincible fire. It's the look of someone, as of a caged animal finally unleashed. She swallows, suddenly afraid of what Lexa might do. She realizes something then: Lexa fought before as if she has nothing to lose. She'd been a fierce fighter because of it. But now that she has something to lose, Lexa wouldn't just be fierce. She would be an unstoppable force to be reckoned with.  
  
Lexa looks at Madi. "Madi, go with your mother. Niylah, Raven, make sure they are safe."  
  
Raven nods.  
  
"Monty?" Lexa asks Raven.  
  
Raven shakes her head.  
  
"I have complete and utter confidence in you,"Lexa says.  
  
"If you fuck this up, Reyes, we're all fucked,"Octavia says.  
  
"No pressure,"Raven says.  
  
Lexa nods. They all turn and go except for Clarke.  
  
Clarke hangs back though, wants to talk to Lexa, her dream still fresh in her mind. "Lexa..." she begins. "I..."  
  
Lexa smiles at her, understanding in her eyes. "I know. I'm sorry, too. Be careful."  
  
Clarke hesitates, conscious of Lexa's soldiers behind them. But she steps forward and just whispers, "Come back in one piece, okay?"  
  
Lexa gives her a small, lop-sided smile and nods.  
  
Clarke holds her gaze for a few more seconds wanting to say more, but she feels like a thorn has been caught in her throat so she just smiles, turns and joins the others.  
  
Lexa watches her go then she turns and looks at the others and nods. They all nod back. Silent. She raises her fist. They raise their fists.  
  
"Let's do this,"she says quietly.  


***

  
Anya, Lincoln and the rest stand in one row , a perfect row of soldiers, equidistant, standing straight and tall, weapons in their hands,trench dug in infront of them, feet wide apart, planted firmly on the sand, faces serious, determined, war paint on faces.  
  
They have advanced about a hundred yards to the city. They stand unmoving, wind blowing on their faces, wind blowing their hair, their clothes, the sand away. They wait. And wait. And wait.  
  
The city stands silent, protected, shield impenetrable and invisible. The sky has lightened, dark clouds still in the sky. Wind still blowing.  
  
In a few minutes, Lexa can see faces, soldiers in uniform, peering out of the wall, and curious. Anya hands her a pair of binoculars. The device confirms the distance as a hundred yards, magnifies the figures, confirms Lexa's guess that they are soldiers.  
  
After a while, a part of the shield shimmers and disappears. Finally,the gate opens, and uniformed soldiers emerge in large,open AllVee hovercrafts, armed and ready. There are ten large vehicles. Lexa estimates one vehicle to bear at least fifty soldiers. If that were so, then there would be at least five hundred of them. Ontari emerges, in the uniform of the commander, cape flowing on one side, carried by a hovercraft.  
  
Octavia takes a deep breath.  
  
"Courage, Octavia," Lincoln says under his breath.  
  
"Fuck you,"Octavia says.  
  
Lincoln grins. "That's the spirit."  
  
Octavia looks at him and smiles. Lincoln reaches out and holds her hand.  
  
"We'll get through this,"Lincoln says  
  
"Liar. We probably won't,"Octavia says.  
  
"We probably won't, yes,"Lincoln concedes. "But I promised Niylah I will take care of you. And I will."  
  
Octavia grins. "You're a fucking sap, aren't you?"  
  
Lincoln grins.  
  
Anya steps towards Lexa then and says, "There's at least five hundred of them."  
  
Lexa doesn't say anything.  
  
Anya asks, "Ready?"  
  
Lexa nods.  
  
"You know,"Anya says as the troops start advancing towards them, "We only win if you survive."  
  
Lexa grits her teeth. "Then I will just have to survive, won't I?"  
  
"Damn right, you should,"Anya says.  


***

  
Lexa watches as the smaller hovercraft vehicle bearing Ontari slowly approaches, through the dunes and stops a few yards away from where Lexa stands. Ontari,wearing the Commander's uniform, steps off the vehicle, walks toward her. The bigger hovercraft vehicles arrive as well and stop behind Ontari's hovercraft, the troops of soldiers filing out of the crafts one by one and arranging themselves in perfect rows behind Ontari, arms at the ready. Ontari is escorted by three soldiers.  
  
Anya, Lincoln and Octavia step forward, ready to protect the commander.  
  
"Stand down, soldiers,"Lexa commands them as she watches Ontari step off the vehicle and start walking toward her, her escort of soldiers walking behind her. "Stand down," she orders the others.  
  
The sky is now a pale indigo blue, dark gray clouds forming in the horizon. The wind picks up, swirling dust gathering around them.  
  
Ontari stops inches away from Lexa. They stand face to face, unmoving. Lexa looks taller and more imposing than Ontari, power radiating from Lexa. Octavia, Anya and Lincoln move closer towards Lexa, moving in to protect her.  
  
"Commander,"Ontari says.  
  
Lexa nods. "I am told you are Commander now."  
  
Ontari bristles, shifts uncomfortably, not knowing what to say.  
  
"Without benefit of the War Games," Lexa continues.  
  
Anya smirks in the background. Lincoln and Octavia are expressionless.  
  
Ontari reddens.  
  
"Commander," Ontari begins, finding her voice. Her voice cracks slightly. "You have been branded an enemy of the state and are tresspassing on Terran territory. Any attempt to enter will result in the use of deadly force."  
  
Lexa just looks at her. Military speak - it annoys Lexa now. She doesn't say anything.  
  
Ontari looks back. "I know you think I'm not worthy to be Commander..."  
  
Lexa cuts her off. "I don't think you are not worthy to be Commander. I know you are not worthy." She looks at Ontari, steely gaze on her. "You just made the mistake of threatening to annihilate people I've sworn to protect..."  
  
Ontari begins to shake her head, to deny it.  
  
"I know people are afraid of Nightbloods," Lexa continues. "Afraid of our power. Afraid that we are stronger."  
  
"But the truth is, I am," Lexa says now, fire blazing in her eyes. "The only reason no one has died yet is because I've always held back. Well, now I will not. A line was crossed and there is no going back."  
  
"I'm Nightblood, too,"Ontari reminds her.  
  
Lexa fixes her with a withering glare and Octavia and Lincoln wince for Ontari. They can see Ontari flinch. Lexa doesn't speak for a few moments. Ontari fidgets again.  
  
"So you are," Lexa says. "It is time you show me how much of a Nightblood you really are."  
  
Ontari swallows.  
  
"We can end this now,"Lexa says. "Avoid bloodshed. You and me, just the two of us. Right here, right now."  
  
"Commander Lexa has just issued the challenge," Lincoln declares. Before Ontari could say anything, Lincoln says, "Commander Ontari accepts."  
  
All the soldiers gathered shout and hit their chests, faces impassive, acknowledging Lincoln's statement. Everyone understands what it means for a commander to issue a challenge to another commander. Ontari had not expected it, Lexa can see it in her eyes. She can also see that Ontari does not want the challenge. They are both aware of each other's capabilities. The only one who can come close to beating Lexa is Luna. But Luna had made her decision, taken her stand. She'd made that loud and clear when she'd refused to be Commander. But Lexa knows Luna understands that a challenge would be better than losing hundreds of soldiers. They both know Lexa's group is outnumbered.   
They will be slaughtered. Lexa has given Ontari a way out, an honorable way to fight for Terra, avoid bloodshed and fight Lexa.  
  
All of the soldiers start to move and jog around Lexa and Ontari, surround then and form a circle, giving them a wide berth.  
  
Ontari takes off her cape, throws it away. Lexa watches her every movement. Thunder booms and lightning flashes.  
  
"Make no mistake, Commander," Lexa says then. "I will end you."  
  
They circle each other, silent. For a while neither one attacks. But then suddenly Lexa is there, and then she isn't. She is a blur of movement. Lexa moves quickly and quietly as a sudden breeze. As Ontari tries to attack her, Lexa fakes, ducks and hits Ontari on the side. Ontari stumbles but quickly recovers, attacks again and Lexa fakes, moves to the right, ducks and hits her in the stomach. Ontari stumbles back, trailing dust in her wake. Ontari gets up at about the same time Lexa leaps into the air, twists and drives a savage kick into Ontari's chest,sending her flying back into the sand.  
  
Ontari lands with a thud, on a cloud of dust and everyone holds their breath and then Anya and the others shout in triumph.  
  
"Good job, Heda, keep them busy," Lincoln murmurs when Lexa steps back and stands in front of Lincoln, waiting for Ontari to get up.  
Lexa doesn't say anything, goes to Ontari.  
  
"Get the fuck up, Commander,"Lexa says then. "We are just getting started."  
  
Ontari groans, slowly gets up.  


***

  
"Shields down at quadrant x," Raven, crouched low, whispers then and motions for Clarke, Niylah and Madi to follow her.  
  
As Lexa, Lincoln, Octavia, Anya and the rest had gone and faced Lexa's fleet in front of the city, Raven, Clarke, Niylah and Madi had spent their morning in the AllVee in stealth mode, cloaking device turned on so that they can get closer to the walls of the city without being detected. A few yards from the city, they stop and step off the vehicle, crawling over sand that last few yards, making their way to the same tunnels that they escaped from. They are covered in sand and the taste of grit is in their mouths by the time they ger to the tunnel.  
  
"Any word from Monty?"Niylah asks Raven, shaking the sand from her body.  
  
Raven shakes her head.  
  
Clarke is still looking back at the soldiers, and at the small figures of Lexa and Ontari fighting in the middle of it all. So far, Lexa's plan is working but she is worried about Lexa and the rest of the soldiers' chances with the new Commander and her troops. She knows this is better though - Lexa and the new Commander fighting for dominance out in the desert. Lexa had explained to her that it is the Nightblood Commander's way. But it doesn't mean she has to like it though. She sees another hovercraft emerge from the city, wonders who it is.  
  
"Clarke, we need to go,"Raven reminds her then.  
  
"She's going to be fine, right?"Clarke asks, worried, referring to Lexa.  
  
"Who? The Commander?"Raven asks. "Yes, don't worry about her. But we need to go now. This only works if we do this as planned."  


Clarke nods and follows Raven right back into the tunnel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks kick_angel for this! 😊


	11. Chapter 11

Ontari lands with another thud in a cloud of dust and she coughs and tastes grit in her mouth. She shakes her head, tastes blood, spits and sees blood on sand, blinks and unsteadily gets up. She's been bleeding from a split lip and one eye is already swelling. She turns to see Lexa stalking slowly towards her and again she can't shake the feeling that Lexa is just putting on a show that she isn't really trying to actively kill her although Lexa's done enough damage to have the wind knocked out of her. Whilst Lexa has said that she wouldn't hold back, the fact that it feels like she is, makes Ontari grow fearful, anxious and suspicious. Lexa is the most unreadable of persons at the worst of times and if she's planned something, Ontari doesn't want to be caught unawares but she has this sneaking feeling she will lose anyway.

  
Already, she's heaving from the exertion and exhaustion but Lexa still looks like she could go on indefinitely, is fighting in an effortless, fluid manner - barely breaking a sweat.  Lexa blocks every punch Ontari swings at her, with her arms and legs, effortlessly bends backward to avoid Ontari's blows, dives, rolls, comes up behind Ontari like a whirlwind, arms on her neck, strangling her. Ontari struggles, pries Lexa's arms from her neck, tries to elbow her and stomp on her feet. She feels Lexa let her go. Ontari stumbles forward, confused. She watches Lexa watching her, has a strange feeling she is prey that Lexa is playing with just before she finishes. She feels like Lexa is putting on a show for them, for the soldiers, drawing up their fight far longer than is necessary.

  
Lexa isn't a huge woman but she's muscular and fast and can beat someone twice, or three times her size. She's taller than Ontari, older, more experienced. At the academy, Luna and Lexa were ahead of her, and that experience shows. Lexa was the one the teachers and the students fawned over, the charismatic, enigmatic one - the more aloof and detached she was, the more fascinated and drawn people were with her. Everywhere she went people looked at her in awe. Ontari knew for a fact that classmates and older students were infatuated with her.  Luna was the disinterested, easily bored one. The anti-social one, the one who pointedly refused to recite when called upon, refused to study for exams, refused to follow orders. The rumor was that Lexa had changed her before the War Games. That she'd made Luna not only a part of her team, but a confidante, so much so that by the time the War Games came around Lexa had already succeeded in creating a loyal person in Luna, someone who would follow Lexa to certain death. Such had been Lexa's influence on Luna. While Ontari - well, people hardly noticed Ontari. She is Nightblood, sure.  But she is hardly as enigmatic or charismatic as Lexa or even comes close to Luna.  She was one of those largely ignored by the others. Well, now they aren't.

  
She is angry people have always underestimated her. Looked down on her. Did not take her seriously. Well, now they will not.  
Ontari gives Lexa a cold, hard stare. She wipes the sweat and blood on her face with the back of her hand. She's done being underestimated. Done being ignored. Done not being taken seriously. She grits her teeth and growls at Lexa. She picks herself up, careful to bring out the knife from her boot and conceal it in the sleeve of her shirt, brushes the dust away from her clothes, and  attacks Lexa again.

  
In the distance, she sees a large hovercraft approach just behind the circle of soldiers surrounding them.

  
***

  
Clarke, Nylah, Raven and Madi stand in the middle of the tunnel, Raven looking at two tunnel openings in front of her. She considers both openings before she says, " We split up here. Clarke I hope you don't mind - can Madi go with Niylah? You can come with me."

  
Clarke hesitates, unsure.

  
Madi goes up to her. "I'll be fine, Clarke."

  
Niylah reaches out with a hand. "I won't let anything happen to her."

  
Clarke nods. "Okay,"she says. She leans over Madi then, holds her shoulders. "If anything bad happens, you get out, alright?"

  
Madi nods.

  
"No heroics, Madi. I mean it. You get out and you get out quickly, okay?"

  
"Yes,Clarke."

  
Clarke doesn't speak, searches her eyes before she nods again, grabs her daughter and gives her a fierce hug. "I love you."

  
"I love you, too, Clarke,"Madi says. When Clarke lets her go, Madi grins and says, "See you on the other side."

  
Clarke nods. "Okay."

  
Just as they do, they hear static. They all turn to Raven, who'd made a makeshift comm device out of the chip that had been taken out of her head. "Monty?"

  
"Hey, Raven, what took you so long?"

  
"Fuck you."

  
"Great to hear your voice, too, Raven. Octavia? Lincoln?"

  
"Outside with Commander Lexa," Raven responds, allowing herself a brief smile at Monty's voice. She hears Monty's sigh of relief. Raven guesses Monty is one of the people who are relieved Lexa is safe and that she is back to reclaim the city.

  
"We've gotta hurry," Monty says then. "We don't have much time. I'll meet you, there."

  
"Copy that. Indra?Gustus?"

  
"On their way."

  
 ***

  
Ontari attacks Lexa and at the last minute takes out her knife and slashes at Lexa's arm and the side of her stomach before she pushes Lexa back with a kick.  
Just then, all the soldiers surrounding them have started to hit the left side of their chests with their right fists methodically, rhythmically, like a steady drum, still expressionless, the synchronized thudding seeming to taunt or egg the combatants on. Lexa, down on one knee,heaving and panting, dark blood on forehead and knuckles and on the gashes were Ontari had slashed her, looks up at Ontari, the rage apparent in her eyes. Lexa flexes her fists as she slowly stands up. Ontari looks at her and sees something new in those green eyes. A blazing fire. A rage unlike any other. If Ontari were unafraid before, she grows afraid now.

  
Lexa moves like a blur and in less than a second is on her, and Lexa delivers a swift jab to her right, her left and a swift uppercut to her jaw. Both Lexa and Ontari hear the crack as Lexa's fist connects with her jaw and Lexa lifts a leg and kicks her. Ontari feels herself fly into the air, the pain shooting up her head and all the way to the rest of her body.

  
***

  
Raven and Clarke stop in the middle of the tunnel. Raven looks up at the ceiling, sees what appears to be a round steel door that looks like a steering wheel.

  
"I think this is it,"Raven announces, squinting.

  
Clarke looks at her. "You think?"

  
Raven looks at her and gives her a reassuring smile. "It's going to be okay. Madi is fine. Niylah served in the military, same as me. She can defend Madi if it comes to that. And Lexa - well, she's the best of us. You know she can take care of herself."

  
"I know,"Clarke says.

  
Raven studies her. "You care about the Commander."

  
Clarke would blush and is grateful for the half-darkness. She swallows and says, "Yes."

  
Raven considers this. "She cares about you, too."

  
Thankfully, the door above them creaks and groans and creaks open and a shaft of light illuminates the tunnel. A face peers and it is Monty with a wide grin. "Hey," he says, as he opens the door wider and crawls down, half of his body dangling, rope in his hand. "Come on up."

  
"Oh, thank god,"Clarke mutters, relieved she doesn't have to talk about Lexa anymore.

  
Raven chuckles. "Relax. I just like seeing you and Lexa squirm."

  
Clarke stares at her in disbelief.

  
"Okay, I'll stop now,"Raven says as she offers the end of the rope to Clarke. "After you."

  
Clarke grabs the rope, looks up at Monty and nods. Monty nods back, crawls back up,braces himself and with both arms, pulls Clarke up with a grunt.

  
***

  
Seconds later, Monty has pulled both Clarke and Raven up, hauled the rope up and secured the door in place. As Monty briefly teases Raven about having gained weight and Raven snits back, Clarke looks around and finds themselves in a bright, well-lit, empty hallway. Monty hands Raven what appears to be a portable computer, a small tablet.

  
"I've disabled surveillance cameras and hopefully security won't figure it out til we're done," Monty informs Raven.

  
Raven nods.

  
"Where are we?" Clarke asks.

  
Instead of answering, Raven and Monty pick themselves up. As Monty grabs the rope and loops it on his shoulder, Raven leans and offers Clarke her arm.

  
"This way,"Raven says.

  
In a few minutes, they find themselves in front of a door. Thankfully, no guards are around - Raven prays Lexa's plan will hold and provide the distraction they need. Monty looks around before he enters a code on a device by the door and the door slides open.

  
"Server room," Raven announces. She takes out the portable laptop then, feels around the wall, looking for something before she finds it, nods, presses and pries the panel  off the wall. The panel opens to reveal wires, a screen and tubes.

  
"What's this?" Clarke asks as she watches Raven take out wires, connects it to her portable computer and starts typing in codes.

  
"Fail safe,"Raven mutters as she begins to type commands and green binary codes start to appear on the screen. "When I took over I wanted a fail safe that could override the system in case of a system failure or an attack or an emergency."

  
"Nice," Monty mutters.

  
"Thanks," Raven replies. "Thank my paranoia. I like having back-up systems in case of an AI apocalypse."

  
"She reads a lot of old Terra science fiction novels," Monty explains to Clarke.

  
"That's what inspired me to get into engineering," Raven mutters,already busy typing, lost in her own world.

  
"Thank old Terra for that,"Monty says. "What can we do to help?"

  
Raven points in front of her. They look and see a table of computer screens. "Surveillance. I will have all the surveillance cameras in a loop so they don't see anything except the ones on the plant, and outside the city, where the Commander and the others are and outside so we can check the city. Clarke watch for Madi and Niylah. They don't usually pay attention to the plant - it's an important part of Terra and nobody  would touch it." She types some more code, face full of concentration before she stops,stares at the enter button and says, "Here goes."

  
***

  
Niylah and Madi find the door to the plant beneath the tunnel. It is on the side of a wall, and there is a ladder leading up to the door. Niylah twists the door open and pushes. She opens the door to the inside of the power plant which generates power for the city. She pauses to get her bearings, looks around to see the plant itself. The plant is behind the city, standing just behind the massive zero-gravity dome where the military cadets practice.

  
"Follow me,"Niylah says when Madi emerges from door.

  
They carefully go from one building to the next, making sure to check if there are guards patrolling. Lexa's plan seems to be working.

  
They hear a low distant rumble, as of a roar, thunder rumbles, lightning flashes and a light rain begins to fall. The first in years. Niylah briefly looks up at the gray sky, feels the first rains of the sky, enjoys the cool drops before she spots the building housing the main controls. As they quickly and quietly make their way to the small building a few yards away, they see the images projected into the sky - Lexa and Ontari fighting, projected off one of the screens just outside the city. This is the signal. Raven has succeeded. Niylah quickens her pace, Madi silently follows. Niylah hopes the fates will continue to be kind to them.

  
***

  
The moving images of Lexa and Ontari appear on the Square,select public screens and outside, in front where the fight is taking place. Curious citizens,  young and old alike, men and women, Redblood and Nightblood, emerge in the rain, staring up on the screens. They slowly file out of the Square, out of the city, to see the actual fight. In a few seconds,soldiers follow, snake through the civilian crowd to form rows of barriers against the fight and the civilians. There is a low murmur amongst the civilians. They are restless, demand answers, craning necks, faces questioning and confused, up at the screen or at the fight yards away between gaps of soldiers. Some of the people try to push, but the soldiers push back, ordering them to get back. The circle of soldiers formed around Lexa and Ontari detach and form rows and columns behind them so that Lexa and Ontari are sandwiched between the soldiers who've previously watched them and have formed a circle and the new ones that have just come out to push civilians back. Lexa's soldiers from the Badlands stand at attention to one side, between the Terran soldiers, Lincoln, Octavia and Anya in front ready to fight for Lexa if need be.

  
Lincoln and the others see Indra and Gustus at the head of the troops that just came out.Lincoln, Anya and Octavia nod at Indra and Gustus. They nod back. For the first time Lincoln and the others dare hope that they can pull it off. Even if Nia,Titus, Jaha, Diyoza and Kane are also outside, brought by the  hovercraft that just arrived.

  
***

  
Ontari had landed with a thud on the sand. The rains, slow, soft and steady begin to fall on them, soaking them and the sand beneath their feet. That last uppercut felt like it would dislocate her jaw. She feels the blow in her head, feels it deep in her bones. That last punch had been strong. Very strong. Lexa punches like a fucking massive speeding, unstoppable truck. Her fists are steel slamming on her body and she already feels battered and exhausted. Lexa's lip and her arm and side are bleeding but she is showing no signs of slowing down. It's not surprising though. Ontari had come to the academy late, already a teenager and too old to train and it was by a stroke of luck that they'd even allowed her to train at all. She'd barely survived the War Games. Lexa had been training since before puberty hit at eleven, learning to hone her body into an efficient fighting war machine. Lexa didn't need a weapon. Her body is a weapon.

  
When she slowly gets up, shakes her head, struggling with ragged breaths, feeling like her legs are lead, she approaches unsteadily towards Lexa, bloodied fists up and trembling.

  
She doesn't even see Lexa as Lexa rushes toward her like a blur, jumps, twists and kicks her first with the right and then the left foot. Ontari head snaps back, her eyes roll back so her body wobbles,boneless before she falls on her knees, mouth hanging open and falls on the ground, half-conscious.

  
A silence descends on everyone as they wait, everyone holding their breath. There is a tension palpable in the air, as of uncertainty and no one knows what's going to happen next. Then slowly, the same restlessness begins in the civilian crowd. The soldiers remain expressionless, standing straight and tall.

  
Lexa is panting, streaked with sand, dirt, black blood and sweat. She looks at Ontari, barely moving on the ground. She takes a step toward Ontari.  
"Do you yield?" She asks Ontari, voice low and flat.

  
Ontari is silent, does not respond. After a few seconds, Lexa takes a deep breath. If Ontari does not respond after her question, then she would have to continue until Ontari concedes or one of them dies. The challenge has never been tested to its fullest extent but both know that if neither one concedes then it becomes a challenge to the death. Lexa flexes her fists, grits her teeth.

  
"Dammit, Ontari, yield," Lexa growls. She doesn't want to kill her. And she hates that Ontari has put her in this position. The challenge should've taken care of the bloodshed, should have prevented it, but Ontari stubbornly refusing to is putting a dent on her plan to avoid bloodshed. "Yield, you fool."

  
When Ontari still doesn't speak, Lexa hesitates for a second, curls her hand into a fist, draws it back and makes to smash her fist against Ontari's face.

  
***

  
Monty and Clarke watch the scene unfold before them, Lexa pummeling Ontari for the right to take back her command.

  
Raven doesn't speak, types furiously on the screen and then takes a deep breath and mutters, "Here goes," and presses enter on the screen. A prompt appears. She presses yes and the word "Loading" appears, blinking. She taps her fingers impatiently against her leg and then the computer informs her it's done. She makes a fist, mutters a triumphant "Yes" and says, "Alright,  chips are disabled. Everything's offline."

  
Monty and Clarke look at her.

  
"Now what?" Clarke asks.

  
"Now we wait,"Raven says.

  
***

  
Ontari's eyes open then and she rolls at the last second, so that Lexa's fist smashes against the wet sand instead.

  
"I yield," Ontari croaks out, weakly, between cracked lips, swollen eye pleading with Lexa. "I yield." Her voice breaks and she tries to stifle the sob threatening to come out. She knows she deserves the beating. She had ordered Lincoln tortured. "I yield," she says again, raising a fist in surrender as she lies on her back. "I'm...I'm sorry,"she whispers.  
Lexa considers the fallen battered figure lying on the ground before she says, "You do not betray Terra ever again."

  
Ontari nods her head, feels the pain everywhere as she does so. Everything burns. Everything feels like it's burning. Lexa knew to make sure Ontari would feel what she had done to Lincoln.

  
"You do not betray your comrades or any citizen of Terra ever again," Lexa says under her breath. She watches Ontari painfully nod. "If you ever do this again, I will not be as merciful. And you're going to wish you were dead."

  
Lexa can barely hear the defeated whimper Ontari makes. Lexa raises her fist.

  
Lincoln allows himself a brief grin before he says, "Commander Ontari yields. Long live the One True Commander!" He lifts his clenched fist in triumph.

  
Lexa looks at all the soldiers gathered. "Soldiers,"she says then. "You served Commander Ontari with honor. You believed in her. Now believe in me."

  
A silence envelops the soldiers. Only the sound of rain,the distant thunder and the restless crowd can be heard.

  
Finally, a soldier steps forward, raises his right fist and shouts, "Long live the one true Heda!"

  
The rest of the soldiers raise their right fists and shout "Long live Heda!"

  
Lexa nods to her soldiers, raises a hand, palm forward and the soldiers quiet.

  
"We make the grass grow,"Lexa shouts.

  
" _We make the grass grow,_ " the soldiers respond.

  
"We make the water flow,"Lexa says.

  
" _We make the water flow,_ " the soldiers respond.

  
"Long live, Terra!" Lexa shouts.

  
" _Long live, Terra!_ " The soldiers shout back.

  
***

  
The soldiers raise their fists in victory but then as Lexa looks up at the images projected in the sky, her face and that of the soldiers have disappeared, in its place she could see Abby's wide, terrified yet still and bloodshot eyes, a bruise on one side of her face, a trickle of blood flowing on the side of her face. She drops her fist and stares. She then raises her other hand, palms forward and the soldiers quiet down. 

  
Suddenly, the hovercraft she had not noticed before open, to reveal three large men holding a shackled Abby, Titus standing behind them.

  
Lexa watches with narrowed eyes. She'd been told Raven had hit Titus unconscious in the tunnels and that Lincoln had tried to imprison him. But Lexa's departure and Abby's absence had emboldened the Council to take over. Lexa feels the rage again as she clenches her fists.

  
Titus looks at her steadily, voice low and even. "Order your soldiers to stand down, Commander."

  
Abby is starting to shake her head vigorously. One of the men shoves her.

  
Lexa hesitates.

  
Titus pauses, looks up at the screen. Lexa does not follow at first, but then she looks up and sees Niylah, a gun to her head. Then Monty's face appears, too, then Raven's and finally Madi's and Clarke's.

  
It is Madi and Clarke's face on the screen that makes Lexa give the order.

  
The soldiers follow.

  
"Thank you, Commander," Titus says. "Now order them to lower their weapons and retreat."

  
Lexa grits her teeth.

  
"Now, Commander," Titus says.

  
Lexa gives the order.

  
"You've made the right decision, Commander,"Titus says. "Now order them to take a step back or people will get hurt. Starting with your friends."

  
Lexa looks at Titus then before she looks to Indra and Gustus. Indra and Gustus give the order.

  
"Good. Now, surrender peacefully Commander, hands on your back," Titus orders.

  
Lexa slowly does so, watching as Titus nods to some men who step forward to place handcuffs on her.

  
"Good, Commander," Titus says.

  
Another man comes with a huge syringe in his hand.

  
"What the fuck are you doing, Titus?"

  
"I'm sorry, Commander, this is the only way,"Titus apologizes.

  
Before Lexa could reply she feels something prick her and everything turns black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks kick_angel as always. 😊


	12. Chapter 12

Lexa wakes to see  parts of her life playing out in front of her. They are images in her mind's eye, blurry around the images. Images from childhood. Playing with the other children. Stumbling. Falling. Scraping her knee. Blood on her knee, her face, on her nose.  Boys laughing at her. Being teased for being Nightblood. Curling her fist. Punching the laughing boy. Seeing the boy slam against the ground. She sees images of her early years at the academy, attending classes, working out tactics on computer simulations, doing basic hand-to-hand combat training with the others, being taunted during the games in the grav dome.

Suddenly, she hears a voice.

_"This is not it...fast forward."_

She looks around, does not see anyone. The voice is deep, male, ominous, disembodied.

She feels herself wrenched from these images. Sees herself as a teenager, taller, stronger, confident, on the mat, slamming a fellow cadet on the ground, another against a wall, floating effortlessly in the grav dome, leading the other teams.

_"Still too far back."_

"It would help if I knew what I was looking for."

_"I'll know when I see it."_

The images move again, forward, to  the final War Games, when she defeated Luna, graduation from the academy, the ceremony,  when she was named Commander.

_"Wait!"_

_"Is this it?"_

_"No."_

_"Then why..."_

_"She's brilliant, isn't she?"_

_"Yes, sir."_

_"Keep looking."_

_"Yes, sir."_

_"Lexa is supposed to be the best of us...she holds the key..."_

_"The key to what, sir?"_

_"The future of Terra..."_

The images fly in a blur,  Lexa  with Luna, with Monty and Raven, with Abby, with the rest of the council, with her troops.

Then, images of Clarke...

_"Wait!"_

_"Sir?"_

_"Stop right there. Show me images with this woman..."_

She sees images of herself and Clarke, the meeting with Titus, Indra and Gustus, her talks with her.

_"Freeze image. Zoom...zoom some more...What is that?"_

_"Quadrant 1:21."_

_"Give me security and satellite footage for quadrant 1:21."_

_"Accessing."_

_"Interesting."_

_"What sir?"_

_"This woman is not from here..."_

_"Sir?"_

_"Check her files against her database. Show me other images with her and the Commander."_

_"Yes, sir."_

A pause.

_"Really interesting...a woman from another time...I didn't think it was possible..."_

She sees images of the last ceremony, the attacks, the Nightblood turning against the Redbloods, herself defending the civilians against them, the betrayal of the council, Titus...

_"Sir...Commander seems to be waking up."_

_"Then sedate her again!"_

_"Yes, sir."_

_"Stop right there." A pause. "Titus...what a clusterfuck he's created."_

_"Sir?"_

_"That idiot and his Nightblood-Commander-as-Messiah-New-World-Order-bullshit..."_  Then the voice stops.  _"Wait...fast-forward to the Badlands."_

Lexa sees images of the desert, caves, flames flickering, Anya, Alie...

_"Wait. There."_

The image pauses.

_"Earth."_

_"Sir?"_

_"Old Terra."_

"The  _Old Terra?"_

 _"Yes."_  A pause.  _"Freeze, zoom on map from the device. Closer...closer...that's enough."_ Another pause.  _" I think this is it..._

"Sir?"

_"I didn't think it was possible...but with this woman Clarke...this Alie device...Titus' plan for domination was foolish and silly at best...but this...this is a better way to utilize our brilliant Commander..."_

_"Sir?"_

_"Hope... for our future... if there is anyone who can help is with our future, it's her..."_

_"What do we do now, sir? Your orders?"_

_"Now we see what the Commander is capable of."_

***

Lexa wakes up in an unfamiliar, starkly white, bright room.

There is nothing in the room but a bed. She slowly sits up, looks down at herself, finds she is still in one piece. As if by instinct, she immediately feels like something is wrong. She looks at her knuckles andthe bruises and cuts from her having punched people - Luna, Ontari, her soldiers when they went rogue - seem to have magically disappeared. She looks at the bruises and cuts on her body and feels nothing.  She is wearing a white, long sleeved, collarless loose shirt and equally loose white pants. She is barefoot.

She moves to the edge of the bed, plants her bare feet on the floor, feels the cold beneath her feet, takes a deep breath and carefully stands up. The room is unfamiliar. She has not seen it before.

A door she hadn't noticed before seems to materialize out of nowhere.

She moves toward the door, grips the handle and opens it. The door opens with a click. She pushes it and it gives way. She looks out and sees an equally white corridor.

She listens.

At first, she thinks the corridor is empty, silent.

In the distance, she hears faint voices. Laughter. Where is it coming from?

She takes a few steps, feels a chill in the air.

She follows the corridor. It goes on and on, twisting and turning, walls and floor cold and hard and moist. It is long and winding with no end in sight.

She sees no people. But she can hear voices.

She has not seen this corridor before or this building as well.

In the distance she hears a distant rumble, as of an explosion, or laughter.

She runs towards the light.

***

She emerges from the corridor and into a clear day.

She looks up at the sky - there are clouds, sun behind them. One sun. One moon. The sun and the moon seem to be moving toward each other. She squints. An eclipse. She watches as the surroundings grow dark. She looks around her.

She is on a street, tall, shiny skycrapers surrounding the streets. Green, leafy trees line the sidewalks. She can see a large, empty field in the distance, with what appears to be a children's park - like those of oldEart.

In fact, this whole place reminds her of Terra - of a specific city, a mythical city - the City Of Light. She'd read about it in old Earth books - a land of promise, of peace and prosperity, where spirits apparently go after death.

_Lexa._

_Lexa._

_Lexa._

She turns to the voice. It's a voice inside her head. An echo. A child's voice.

The voice becomes a group of voices. A chorus.

_Help us._

_Please._

A slight chill goes up her spine. She feels her heart start to pound rapidly, feels suddenly colder. She closes her eyes in rising panic.

Where the fuck is she?

Is she dead?

Has she passed from one life to the next?

Had she died without her even knowing it? Had she died without even putting up a fight?

_Fucking Titus._

After the panic and anxiety and fear is anger. Rage. That her life would be cut so abruptly, so short, just when she'd found some bigger purpose, a meaning in life. She'd wanted to do so many things still. Had so many plans.

A life with Clarke.  If Clarke so chooses. A better life for Terrans.   A better future for everyone.

But then a thought occurs to her.

She opens her eyes.

She looks around. Peers at the edges of buildings. Trees. The pavement. The sky. The clouds.

She takes a deep breath.

Starts running.

And runs.

And runs.

Bare feet against concrete pavement. Following the street. Then the main road. Then what appears to be a wide highway. Empty on either side but for dried grass and weeds. The howling wind blows.

Still she runs.

Until ground becomes gravel. Until gravel becomes earth. Until earth becomes sand.

She keeps running and running. Never feeling tired or out of breath or pain.

And she runs and runs and runs, never stopping, looking around, searching between the edges of city, searching for something, anything that will reveal this to be something other than what she suspects this to be. For surely this couldn't be death.

She hears the explosion first before  she sees the great orange mushroom cloud exploding in the distance.

She watches as the explosion spreads, consuming everything in its path. Watches it move toward her like a massive wave crashing.

She closes her eyes.

***

She feels herself explode.

Feels herself disintegrate.

Feels pieces of herself break into a million pieces.

She feels herself being pulled apart as if being pulled in a million different directions. Feels her consciousness detach from her physical being. Feels herself float.

Her eyes feel like it's still closed but she feels like it is the nothingness following the explosion.

After the explosion, there is nothingness. Followed by an eerie quietness, then a small sound, as of a ringing in the ear growing louder and louder.

And she opens her eyes and faces the devastation of the nuclear explosion in its wake.

Everything is on fire. The buildings. The trees. The grass. The cars. Everything. Flames of fire rising up to consume everything.She could see buildings reduced to rubble and ashes as far as she can see, sky orange and gray.

 She is unaffected by the fire, realizing early on what this is: A simulation. An unfamiliar one, but not unlike the ones she'd had before at the academy. The program is new. She sees the binary code beneath the colors and shapes and imagery, sees the ones and zeroes, patterns, glowing green, streaming down. She feels a current on her skin, up her spine, down her arms, pulsing from her fingertips. She could feel herself radiating.

She does not betray any emotion as she looks at everything being consumed by the flames lest someone is observing her.

Suddenly through the smoke and flame she sees them - bodies. Bodies everywhere. Lying dead on pavement and grass, dead eyes staring up into the scorched sky, limbs bent or torn or burnt to a crisp. And in the middle of it all, she sees the barely recognizable bodies of Niylah,  Anya, Raven, Monty, Abby...and...her stomach turns.

Lying on the ground,on her stomach, eyes open and blank, blood and dust and wounds on her, is Madi.

Her heart starts to pound. She rushes to the body, feels her hands tremble, go clammy.

Clarke.

She looks around.

Where is Clarke?

It's not real.

It's not real.

She turns. Cranes her neck. Frantically searches rubble and bodies. Looks for the familiar blonde hair, and blue eyes.

It's not real.

It's a simulation.

Her mind tells her this.

But her heart can't stop beating fast.

It's not  _real._

She curls her fists.

Slowly kneels beside Clarke. Trembling fingers tentatively reach out to tuck a stray piece of blond hair away from her face. Lexa feels a jolt, electricity coursing down her skin at the contact with Clarke's skin. She traces Clarke's cheekbone and feels it again. She knits her eyebrows, confused. She gently puts her hand on Clarke's neck. Resists the urge to lean down and kiss her. Clarke feels warm. Growing cold. Chill on her skin. Skin pale. Lips slowly turning blue. Nightblood on her cheeks.

She feels her eyes well up with tears.

Tries to stop the tears from falling.

It's a warning.

She knows it is.

Three fears: Fear of the world being  annihilated, fear of failure, fear of losing loved ones...

She knows it's a threat - continue on this path and lose everything, including the ones she loves.

She know they're alive. Hostages. Whether in the simulation or in prison, she does not know. But she knows they are alive. She knows whoever is doing this wouldn't have killed them yet. They're more valuable to them alive than dead. They could control Lexa with them.

She grows angry.

To manipulate her with her fears - that is a low blow.

She wonders who it is that is doing this.

They will pay.

Pay for this.

Pain for pain.

***

But then suddenly Lexa sees Clarke stir.

Her own heart pounds harder.

Clarke's eyes flutter open.

Lexa moves, clears the rubble effortlessly and moves closer.

"Clarke..."she whispers, moving to make Clarke more comfortable, bowing to be able to hear her. She feels the jolt of electricity again from Clarke's skin. This time it isn't so much a jolt as a warmth spreading all over her being. Lexa feels relief flooding through her.

Clarke's eyes are wide open now, disoriented, unfocused. But then she settles on Lexa's emerald eyes and she says, softly, "Hey... What happened?" She tries to get up, groans in pain. "What happened?"

"I don't...I don't know,"Lexa admits as she cradles Clarke's head.

"One minute I was at the tunnel...with the others and next I'm here..." Clarke says. She slowly tries to sit up, Lexa assisting her.

Lexa stops. "Are you really here?"

"I don't...know,"Clarke responds. "What is this place? Am I dreaming? It's a dream, isn't it? I'm going to wake up soon and..." She stops, takes in the smoke still rising up into the sky, the fire, the rubble, the bodies. Lexa moves to cover her line of sight, so she doesn't have to see Madi's body. The realization dawns on her. "This is a..."

Lexa nods. "Simulation, yes."

"How is that possible?"

Lexa shakes her head. "I thought only Nightbloods could access the simulation - something to do with our blood matching the binary codes necessary to access the simulation..."

"I have nightblood,"Clarke reminds her.

Lexa nods. "Still...this is unprecedented..."

Clarke nods but stops, puts a hand on her head. "I don't feel so good..."

Lexa leans over her, concerned. "What's wrong?"

"I feel cold...can't...can't breathe..." Clarke begins to shiver, then her body shakes, convulses.

"Clarke..."Lexa begins. Lexa holds her tight. "Clarke!" She urges. "Don't give up on me now...Come back to me. I need you..."

***

Lexa doesn't know how long she kneels there, eyes closed, cradling Clarke's unconscious body in her arms. Dusk settles, darkens the sky. A wind blows. The silence is defeaning. She wills her body to calm down. It's a simulation, but the responses her body makes are real. She knows she is being monitored, body strapped and unconscious, the people who are doing this waiting for her to reveal whatever information they need. But what? She wonders. What is it they are after? And what is they hope to achieve? Why is Clarke here? Where does she fit in all of this?

Her anger surges again and she swallows it down, throat bobbing. She needs to control herself. If she betrays what Clarke means to her she knows they will stop at nothing to get to her.

She feels movement. Feels Clarke stir. She looks down, sees Clarke's eyes flutter. Clarke's blue eyes are disoriented at first, confused, at they wander around, take in the surroundings, before they rest on Lexa's green ones. Then Clarke sits up, grabs her, and hugs her tight.

Lexa is surprised at first, stiffens at the contact, before she relaxes and holds Clarke tight. They hold each other like that for a few moments before Lexa reluctantly draws back.

"Listen to me,"Lexa says, voice urgent. "We don't have much time. I don't exactly know why we're here or why they put you in here, but I do know that we need to go. Now."

Clarke nods. She moves to get up, grimaces.

"Can you walk?" Lexa asks.

"Yes."

Lexa helps her up.

"What's going on?" Clarke asks.

Lexa shakes her head. "I don't know. We're in some kind of fear landscape simulation..."

"Yours?"

Lexa nods.

"Four fears." Clarke vaguely remembers Lexa mentioning it to her.

"Yes. So far, I've encountered three."

Clarke grunts as pain shoots up her side. "These simulations are very real."

"Yes. If you get hurt here, you get hurt in the real world, too."

Clarke leans on Lexa, one arm on Lexa's broad shoulder, as she limps away from the debris. "Did you get hurt when you took the tests?"

"No more than is necessary,"Lexa says.

Clarke stops then, something dawning on her. "Wait, why am I in your fear landscape? I wasn't there in your test before...we hadn't even met yet..."

"The simulations are run by AI. The landscape adapts to the person jacked in. Evolves. The fears don't change,"Lexa explains. "Only the circumstances."She looks at Clarke steadily.

Clarke returns her gaze, understanding dawning on her. "This...all of this..."She begins, hesitates, swallows. "This is what you're afraid of..."

Lexa doesn't reply. Swallows. She watches as Clarke realizes what it means. Looks at Lexa with understanding in her eyes. Her blue eyes water. She struggles to speak but her expression, tender and full of love, as trembling hands grab Lexa, speak volumes. If Lexa hadn't already made clear how much Clarke means to her, it is loud and clear now. She leans in to kiss Lexa but Lexa quickly steps back, shakes her head. Clarke is confused first but she catches Lexa's eyes, how they roam, around the landscape, blue skies, the horizon. Clarke understands. Nods at Lexa.

"Let's go."

***

But then another nuclear explosion.

She sees herself and Clarke as if she's outside of herself.

Sees Clarke's face right before the explosion hits. The confusion. The fear. The horror. The pain. The moment before she opens her mouth and tries to scream before the flame engulfs her. Before her body disintegrates before Lexa's very eyes.

Lexa screams.

***

Lexa wakes again.

In the same room.

She runs through the same abandoned streets, past the abandoned buildings, parks, cars.

Then the explosions.

Then Lexa wakes again and again to  the same city, the same explosions.

***

_"Sir, I'm detecting increases in vital signs in the subjects who've gone under..."_

_"Are they seeing what the commander is seeing?"_

_"No,sir. The simulation is designed to help them confront their fears..."_

_"Then continue."_

_"Sir, I detect an increase in brain activity and a spike in heart rate and other vital signs in the Commander..."_

_"Keep going..."_

_"Sir, if we keep this up, the Commander will go into cardiac arrest. She could die..."_

_"Keep going! That's an order...!"_

_"Sir..."_

_"Send me in..."_

_"Sir? But you're not Nightblood..."_

_"Send me in, dammit!"_

_"You don't understand, sir...you could die..."_

_"We need to understand the Commander...she is the key to all of this..."_

***

Lexa wakes in the same room again.

Walks across the same streets.

The landscape has not changed.

The simulation has not changed.

She feels a stillness in the air, as of the world collectively holding its breath.

Then a disembodied voice speaks.

_"You can end this..."_

She looks around.

" _You can end all of this. Your people's suffering...your own suffering..."_

"What do you want from me?"

_"I want you to tell me..."_

"Tell you what?"

_"The truth."_

***

"Who are you?" Lexa calls out. "Show yourself."

"You know who I am."

Lexa strains to hear the voice. To place the voice. It is familiar.

"Why are you doing this?"

Silence.

Then she hears it. The rumbling in the distance. Followed by the explosion. Anger explodes in her then. She watches the flames approach.

Then she holds her hands up and closes her eyes...

***

_"Sir...vital signs going on overdrive...If we don't stop this now, the Commander will go into cardiac arrest..."_

_"Don't stop! We're so close..."_

_"Sir...our systems are registering anomalies..."_

_"I don't care!"_

_"Sir, I'm detecting changes in the Commander's vital signs..."_

_"What's happening?"_

_"I don't know sir..."_

***

Silence.

Stillness.

Lexa slowly opens her eyes to see that the world has frozen to within inches of her face, everything still but for her.

She looks around - at the explosion and flames that have seemingly frozen mid-explosion on her face. The buildings, streets, parks, cars all seem to have frozen mid-air as well, as in a picture, taken at a moment when everything has just started to fall apart, everything about to shatter, disintegrate, fall apart.

She stares at everything, mesmerized, reaches out to stray  debris, holds it in her hands, closes it in her fists, crushes it, opens it and watches it disappear.

Lexa reaches out her hand and pushes, wills her mind to push the world away.

***

_"Sir, systems are overloading..."_

_"What's going on?"_

_"I don't know sir..."_

_"The Commander?"_

_"I'm not sure sir but..."_

_"Well, do something about it."_

_"I'm trying to, sir...but...something's overriding my command..."_

_"What?"_

_"I...I can't..."_

***

Lexa pushes and pushes and sees the images crack.

She draws her hands to herself, closes her eyes and brings them together and slams her hands into the air infront of her.

***

_"What's happening?"_

_"I'm losing control of the program, sir..."_

_"Well, do something!"_

_"I am, sir...I'm activating the purge command..."_

_"What will that do?"_

_"Purge the system, shut it down..."_

_"But we might lose the commander..."_

_"We can take her out and revive her..."_

_"How...?"_

***

She feels it - the program, the software, feels it pushing back. She hears a voice.

_"What are you doing Commander?"_

She doesn't respond.

_"You can't fight this Commander..."_

She sees the landscape change again, from Old Earth to the Terra, sees the walls surrounding the city go up, sees the buildings rise, sees the tower - the headquarters - rise, sees the dome rise in the distance, sees undulating sand dunes form in the distance, twin suns and clouds appear on blue sky.

_"Anymore than you can fight your destiny..."_

Lexa closes her eyes.

She is done letting people tell her what to think, what to feel, what yo do. She is done being told about the past, about what was, what could and should have been, what she should be doing. She is done listening to people tell her about her destiny.

She doesn't want to be what people  think she'd supposed to be or expected her to be.

She just wants to be what she wants to be.

***

_"Sir, we need to shut it down now..."_

_"Wait...I see her...doing something..."_

_"Sir, we need to pull the plug now or lose her forever..."_

_"Wait..."_

_"What...?"_

***

She sees the landscape explode before her and then disappear. Then darkness. She tries to adjust to the darkness. Then she sees green light, then numbers, lots of numbers, falling down in a pattern. She cocks her, watches the numbers, and a realization dawns on her:

She no longer needed to be controlled.

She can take control. Take her power back.

She reaches out and pushes againsr the simulation with all her might.

***

_"Sir, systems are overloading...subjects are waking up..."_

_"Cut the power!"_

_"If we do that sir, the machine could explode and kill us..."_

_"Do it now..."_

_"Sir..."_

_"What?!"_

_"The Commander..."_

_"What?"_

_"The system..I think she's just taken over the system..."_

_"That's impossible!"_

_"We thought so but..."_

_"Look out!"_

***

Lexa opens her eyes to see herself lying strapped on a bed, wires on her head, wires on her wrists, arms, legs, garish overhead lighting on her face, a white, bare room surrounding her and a large, tinted glass window on one side, red warning lights flashing and an alarm system blaring. She glares at the window, knowing full well someone's watching behind it, before she rips out the wires from her head and body, steps onto the tiled floor and looks at the window. She grabs a nearby table and smashes it against the window. The window cracks, then breaks and reveals terrified technicians frozen with fear sitting infront of their computers, just staring at her. And behind them she sees a familiar face.

Jaha. Thelonius Jaha.

***

Lexa growls and leaps over the window sill, not caring if they were shards on the sill.

The technicians by their computers freeze in uncertainty and fear before they scramble for safety. But Lexa is fast, she reaches the tables and tosses them, grabs computers and slams them against the floor.

She looks at Jaha then. Jaha looks back at her, coolly.

"Jaha." She says this as a statement.

"Lexa."

Lexa looks at him coldly, steely gaze not leaving him.

"Why?" she asks, carefully not to make her voice break, feeling the betrayal again.

Jaha hesitates before answering. "Titus' plan was insanity!" he finally bursts out. "He'd have led our people to almost certain destruction."

Lexa looks at him in confusion.

"His plan was never going to work," Jaha explains."You were meant for greater things, yes, I'd wager that. That you were meant maybe to lead our people, yes, I most certainly agree with that, too. But leading our people off into space to continue some ancient mandate to establish a New World Order borne out of his belief that you were created to usher in a new empire? I don't think so."

"And what do you think am I meant for?"

Jaha smiles thinly. "I believe, like Titus, that you were created for a purpose, yes. But his ideas were never going to bear fruition. And you're too valuable for his insane ideas..."

"I am too valuable for what?"

"For the mission. The ultimate plan..." When Lexa doesn't say anything, Jaha explains further. "You're the key to our future..."

"And what future might that be?"

"The future where we get to go home, Commander," Jaha says.

"Home where?"

Jaha smiles. "Earth."

"That'd ridiculous,"Lexa says. "Earth was destroyed. Rendered uninhabitable. And even if it did survive, what makes you think we can go back now?"

"History belongs to the victors,"Jaha says. "Did you think our ancestors told us the truth? Do you really completely understand our history? Old Earth history? Nightblood history?" Jaha scoffs. "The more we find out, the more lies we uncover. Titus believes you were meant to usher in a New World Order. I think that's a fucking lie. The old Earth tales, your precious Alie...they tell you different things...I believe those are lies, too..."

Lexa regards him cooly. "What do you believe?"

Jaha pauses, regarding her. "That this planet is dying. That our resources are not infinite. That in a few years, we'll have a water shortage in our hands...maybe even a food shortage..."

"We have the best minds here...we have engineers, scientists, mathematicians, researchers...Green, Reyes..."

"I admire your faith in science and technology, Commander,"Jaha says."But your faith is misguided. Your efforts will be futile. This planet is doomed. And so will our people be if we don't do anything about it."

"It's not up to you to decide that,"Lexa says. "You used Titus, played the Nightbloods against the Redbloods, almost launched a civil war, almost destroyed our society for what?Your stupid dream of going home?"

"It's not a stupid dream,"Jaha says. "The A.I.holds the key. The ancient stories hold the key. Your woman might even help us get home..."

"Clarke?"

"She came through a portal did she not?"Jaha asks excitedly. "If we can replicate the same circumstances...we could be on Earth in no time."

"I am told these means of space travel are too dangerous..."

"It doesn't matter,"Jaha cuts her off, shaking his head. "If we don't do anything now, it will be too late. We save our people by any means necessary. By any means. Because  surely our people are worth more than that," Jaha says. "You are the best of us. You can bring us home. You can change our destiny...you can help us survive."

"But life is supposed to be more than just surviving,"Lexa says. "This isn't surviving...you're going to needlessly bring about a panic, uproot our people, give them false hopes, bring them to a planet we are not even sure exists anymore...or even know where it is..."

Jaha doesn't speak at first. Then he lifts a gun and points it at Lexa.

"You will do what is best for our people, Commander, help us fulfill our destiny... prove that you are the best of us...prove that..."

Lexa doesn't let him finish. She picks up a chair and throws it at Jaha, hitting him on the face.

"I have nothing to prove to you,"she says. "Or to anyone."She looks at Jaha then. "This...all of this...is over."

***

Lexa orders her men to arrest Jaha, Titus and the others.

Abby, Clarke, Raven, Monty, Anya and the others come out of the chemically induced coma Jaha had forced the scientists to put them under.

Lexa tells Abby what has happened, brings her and the others up to speed, except for what had happened inside the simulation.

Since Titus and the rest of the council are either under arrest or under investigation, Abby declares a state of emergency, and in an unexpected move, declares an election, Abby acting as de facto prime minister in an interim government.

"Are you sure about this?"Lexa had asked her before she announces it to the people.

Abby had nodded. "It's time for change anyway."

"What about everything Titus and Jaha said? About this planet? About Earth?" Lexa asks.

Abby considers it for a minute, then she shakes her head and shrugs. "We'll never really know what the truth is..."

"But..."

"But I had Raven do some digging," Abby continues. "Apparently our ancestors designed bots that go to earth and scan for life at periodic intervals...they come back and alert us if Earth is liveable again..."

"And has there been any back since?"

Abby shakes her head. "None for hundreds of years."

"How do they power those anyway?"

"Hytholodium and the sun, apparently," Abby says. "...And we need to talk about taking out all of the chips from everyone. Everyone, Lexa. Every single one."

Lexa nods. "Are we sure about this?"

Abby nods. "No. I expect it will be total chaos. But people need to be able to take control of their lives. To be able to make their own mistakes on their own terms. Love who they want. Choose who they want to be with." She smiles at Lexa. "Besides...we need to conserve our resources, yes? We can save a lot when we do away with the ceremonies. Time we let fate do its work and let the chips fall where they may."

"There will be chaos,"Lexa predicts.

Abby smiles. She understands the commander, with her strict military upbringing and training would want structure. But Lexa doesn't seem opposed to it. She senses Lexa wants change, too. Their society is stagnant, has stopped growing. They need the change to keep growing. "Someone once said there must be chaos in order to give birth to a star."

Lexa grins. "Nietzche."

Abby nods at Lexa's answer. "Hell, we should let the Redbloods join the academy. Let them integrate with the Nightbloods."

Lexa smiles back. "But our resources?"

"With certain conditions, of course. Best to brief the new prime minister about it."

"Alright."

"What about our guests?"Abby says, with a quirk of the eyebrow.

Lexa makes an inaudible sigh. "Abby, I think we need to talk."

***

Lexa tells Abby the truth about Clarke, Madi and Bellamy. Abby listens to her without saying anything, except for clarificatory questions about how Clarke, Madi and Bellamy had come into their timeline.After Lexa had told her the truth, Abby requests for Clarke and Madi.

The meeting is stiff and awkward, Abby's eyes filling with unshed tears as she looks at Clarke, Clarke growing uncomfortable but holding Abby's gaze nonetheless, both resisting the urge to run into each other's arms and embrace the other. Clarke examines Abby. This Abby never struggled with an addiction, never hurt Clarke or her friends. She'd never had to make the hard decisions about her husband or her daughter. Both had died of natural causes. This Abby's eyes aren't sunken, her face full and healthy and glowing, hair not stringy or matted, skin healthy. This Abby stands with a confidence and pride Clarke had not seen in the past from her own mother in her own world, lost and broken and burdened with the kind of decisions she's had to make in their world. Even this Abby's clothing reflected that pride and confidence, too. The one thing though that this Abby and the Abby from her world had is that look of maternal love they had as they gazed upon Clarke, and a warmth for Madi.

"My daughter lived in your world,"Abby says in disbelief and relief. Clarke nods. Abby almost laughs with joy. "And I have a granddaughter!" she says, smiling now.

Clarke nods, an almost-laugh in her throat, too, the tears forming in her eyes.

"Do I have a son-in-law?"

Clarke blushes. Madi has a small smile.

"Um..."Clarke stammers. "Not exactly."

When Lexa knocks and enters, oblivious to what they have been discussing, Clarke blushes even more. This Abby is unaware of her daughter's sexual proclivities. Lexa informs Abby of their council meetingfor the interim government. Abby nods whilst Clarke tries to avoid meeting Lexa's eyes. Lexa, ever the professional, is stiff and formal.

Lexa then turns to Clarke. "When you are finished here, Raven needs to talk to you."

Clarke nods in acknowledgement. Just before Lexa leaves the room, Lexa catches Clarke's eye and the left side of her lips quirk into a mischievous smile, eyes twinkling in amusement. Clarke feels like her face couldn't grow any hotter. She gives Lexa an imperceptible nod.

Madi watches the exchange, fascinated, whilst Abby looks at one and then the other as if both were a puzzle she needed to solve. When Lexa leaves, Abby seems to be on the verge of coming to a solution andturns to Clarke, as if the answer is written plainly on her face.

"Well, I guess I have to get going,"Abby says then, a mysterious smile on her face.

Clarke nods, clears her throat. "I.. have to meet Raven."

"Yes, of course," Abby says.

Before Clarke leaves though, Abby quickly grabs Clarke's wrist, pulling her into a tight hug. Clarke is surprised at first, standing there stiffly, before she relaxes and holds Abby. They stand in silence before a knock disturbs them and they reluctantly draw back from each other.

It's Raven, excited and eager.

"Hi, Raven,"Abby and Clarke greet her.

Raven waves quickly and says," Hi, no time. Clarke, you need to come with me. You, too, Madi."

"What? Why?" Clarke asks confused.

"I think I may have discovered how to get you home," Raven replies, unable to contain the excitement in her voice. "You're going home, both of you."

***

Going home consisted of an open cylindrical contraption with a circular ceiling, an elevated platform and numerous devices connected to equally numerous panels controlled by a computer and powered by the twin suns and hytholodium. The cylinder can fit three people inside, and it about six feet in height.

"It's kind of like a particle accelerator," Raven explains. "It opens up the quantum realm so you can travel through it and go back to your own universe. See, I realized you were actually in the same place that you disappeared from, except it's actually different."

Understanding dawns on Clarke's face. "You mean we didn't actually leave the same place, we just went through a different reality?"

"Yes! That's right!" Raven says excitedly. "So it's the same planet, but thanks to a rip in the space time fabric and a cosmic event, you went to a different reality where the same planet is this, all desert-y and dry and barren with twin suns and stuff."

"Except we were on the ship..."

"Right...travelling through the quantum realm does that...it isn't as accurate but yeah..."

"So you can finally go back home?" Clarke asks.

"Yes."

A soldier comes with a tied up Bellamy in tow and throws him on the ground. "Found this one lurking around the tunnels."

"What's happening?" Bellamy asks.

"You finally get your wish," Clarke says. "We're going home."

Raven nods excitedly. "I've pulled up suits for you. Put this on," she says, shoving suits to Clarke and Madi and ordering the guard to untie Bellamy. "We haven't got much time. I discovered a distant star that has collapsed in on itself millions of years ago...the cosmic rays from the fallout are still travelling through space even as we speak and it's due to hit this planet in a few minutes. The twin suns will also be in partial eclipse. I think these cosmic events will help you get back..."

A crack of thunder pierces the gray sky.

They all look up.

"We need to hurry,"Raven says.

Clarke, Madi and Bellamy have already put the suit on. Raven instructs them to turn their comms on so they can talk to each other even with the suits.

"How do we do this?" Bellamy asks.

"Stand inside," Raven replies, gesturing at the device

Bellamy doesn't let her finish as he quickly heads to the accelerator.ñ Madi follows slowly. Another crack of thunder, then lightning illuminates the sky. Clarke stands back uncertainly, unsure of what to do next. She hears the accelerator hum to life as the lights turn on inside the machine, the ceiling opening up and whirring as if an engine has just come to life. Another crack of thunder illuminates the scene.

"What are you waiting for?!" Bellamy shouts at Clarke over the loud engine. "Come on!"

Just then, a hand touches Clarke from behind. Clarke turns to see Lexa, ever stoic and calm, only her green eyes betraying conflicting emotions.

"Lexa!" Clarke says as she grabs Lexa, kisses her and holds her in a tight embrace.

"I came as soon as I could,"Lexa says.

Just behind them, a shimmering portal opens, revealing the hazy,blurry interior of the Eligius.

"Clarke, you need to go now," Raven says.

"I'm sorry,"Clarke says, sobbing now, clutching at Lexa.

"It's okay,"Lexa croons, "You're safe."

Thunder and lightning explode now.

The lights of the accelerator flicker, the engine slowing, the portal flickering for a second.

"Clarke, the portal can close any moment, you need to go, now!"Raven shouts over the next crack of thunder.

Clarke trembles, shivering. "I love you,"she tells Lexa.

"Clarke!" Bellamy and Madi shout.

Lexa grips her shoulders. "I'll always be with you,"she says, before she gently extricates herself, pushing herself away, even as she gently nudges Clarke to the machine. "You have to go now."

Clarke can't see through the tears in her eyes as she slowly backs away from Lexa. Lexa doesn't move, just looks at her and nods. Clarke slowly turns, makes her way to the few inches to the machine.

The machine's lights have gone brighter now, the portal clearer and wider, just enough for a person to go through.

Another crack of thunder pierces the late afternoon followed by lightning. As Clarke sets foot on the machine, lightning strikes the machine, and everything explodes.

***

Rain starts to fall.

Lexa feels the rain on her face. She blinks. Opens her eyes. She is lying on the sand, thrown back yards from the accelerator. It is cold. A breeze is blowing. She slowly picks herself up. Sees Raven get up, too.

"Are you alright?"she asks the other woman.

"Yeah, I think so,"Raven answers, rubbing the back of her head.

Lexa surveys the wreckage. The lightning has set the equipment on fire upon contact, Raven's accelerator destroyed and still smoking. The other soldiers who've come to escort Lexa and help Raven are also picking themselves up. "What happened?"

"Stupid lightning storm fried the computer and the accelerator,"Raven replies, kicking at her equipment in frustration.

"But did they get through?"Lexa asks, peering through the rain and smoke and gathering darkness.

Raven pauses, slowly surveying the wreckage. "Looks like it." As she looks at the wreckage, she says, "They'd better be back home. Took me fucking forever to put all of this together. It will take a long time before I can put something like this back again. And even then, I don't know if we can replicate the same conditions next time... If they didn't get through, they'd probably be stuck here forever..."

Lexa doesn't hear the rest of what Raven is saying. As the rain continues to fall, and the smoke slowly clears though Lexa sees a small figure in the distance, followed by another one. Her heart dares not hope as she peers through the darkness. She slowly walks toward them even as Raven softly says, "Lexa..."

But as lightning strikes the landscape, she sees a flash of blonde hair and breaks into a run. The other figure has also seen her and is running towards her, too.

They meet in the middle of the wreckage, bumping into each other as Lexa's arms wrap tight around her, lifting her up in joy.

"Lexa," Clarke's unmistakable voice fills Lexa's heart with happiness.

"I thought you went back,"Lexa murmurs in her hair, arms still wrapped tight around her.

Lexa sets her down on the sand, and Clarke drawd back, arms still around Lexa. Madi slowly walks up to them.

"I..."Clarke swallows. "I couldn't." It's a statement, and a question at the same time, as if she's asking permission from Lexa if it's alright that she has decided to stay in this world rather than go back to her old one.

"Raven says if you stay...you might not be able to go back again,"Lexa says, concerned.

Clarke looks at Lexa, then to Madi, who doesn't seem as troubled or anxious as Lexa would have expected. Madi only looks back at both of them and smiles, hugs both of them silently and makes her way to Raven. Clarke looks back at Lexa.

"I think we're okay with that," Clarke says with a smile.

"Are you sure?"Lexa asks."What about your people? This isn't your world. Your home. You might miss your family...your own world..."

Clarke shakes her head and silences Lexa before she finishes what she is saying. Later, she will try to explain that there really was nothing for her back in her own world, that everyone has grown and moved on without her, that they've created their own families and that, faced with a new planet, she's realized she'd rather stay here instead, because as crazy and implausible as it may seem, she's found happiness in finding Lexa again, in finding a new family here, that as long as she had Lexa and Madi, she had all the family she needed. Others might think she's just running away, that she's abandoning her people. She thinks she's more than earned a reprieve though, she's earned the right to peace and happiness. Bellamy had understood. Just before he goes back to their world, he says, "I think you and Madi should stay."

"But Mom...the others..."she'd began to say.

"It's okay, Clarke,"Madi had said,grasping her hand. "We can stay.I'll go where you go."

Bellamy,  tears forming in his eyes, says, "They'll understand. We'll understand. Go." He gently nudges them out of the machine as he takes a step into the portal. "Goodbye, Clarke."

Lightning had struck then. But just before it did, Clarke had grabbed Madi's hand and jumped off the machine, and on to a new life in a strange planet with the woman she will always love, in different lifetimes and in different universes.

Clarke doesn't say any of this now though. There'll be time enough for that later. Instead, she looks at Lexa, at this impossibly beautiful person in front of her, looks deep in her green, green eyes and says, voice husky and soft, "I am home."

The smile that breaks on Lexa's face feels like the sun coming up. She cups Clarke's face, tilts her head and kisses her with a deep, soft kiss that tells Clarke how much she loves her, how much she's glad that she'd chosen to stay, how much she'd give her life for her. This world might be changing, shifting, turning into the unknown, destinies uncertain and unwritten, but as long as they have each other, Lexa knows with a certainty that everything is going to be alright.

\- the end -

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to kick_angel for the help. Thanks to everyone else for reading. Cheers!


End file.
